Men file for divorce for various reasons, often related to feeling disconnected, disrespected, or unappreciated, with infidelity, communication breakdown, financial issues, lack of intimacy, differing values/interests, and a sense of losing control or purpose being common triggers, though infidelity is frequently cited as a major catalyst for men ending the marriage, often highlighting deeper issues like broken trust.
Top 5 Reasons Men Divorce Explained
It shouldn't be a secret forever.
(At some point, someone is going to notice that you're not sharing a room anymore.) “That doesn't necessarily mean they're a bad idea: In the short term, a silent divorce can help with grieving, transitioning, and supporting each other through the process,” he says.
If your husband wants a divorce and you don't it may be that he's reached his limit and doesn't know what else to do. Of course, that's not the only reason husbands might want a divorce. Many men experiencing midlife crisis decide that divorce is necessary for them to be happy.
The concept of irreconcilable differences is the legal foundation upon which a divorce is legally based in many states in the United States. The term irreconcilable differences is also useful when considering common reasons why spouses divorce. Irreconcilable differences are similar to lack of compatibility.
The reasons that men listed for divorce were: The couple grew apart (39 percent) The couple argued too much (27 percent) One person was unfaithful to the marriage (18 percent)
While many factors contribute, many experts point to poor communication (especially criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling) and a breakdown in emotional connection/trust, often stemming from dishonesty or disrespect, as the #1 things that destroy marriages, eroding intimacy and making partners feel unheard and unloved over time. Infidelity, financial stress, and shifting priorities (like putting family/in-laws above spouse) are also major contributors that feed these core issues.
The four behaviors that predict over 90% of divorces, known as Dr. John Gottman's "Four Horsemen," are Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling, which erode connection, respect, and safety, leading to relationship breakdown. These destructive communication patterns, if persistent, signal that a marriage is likely to end, with contempt being the most damaging.
The 7-7-7 rule is a structured method for couples to regularly reconnect, involving a date night every 7 days, a weekend getaway every 7 weeks, and a kid-free vacation every 7 months.
The reality for prospective divorcees is that there is no such thing as a quickie divorce. You could pay any solicitor or online service any amount of money to assist you, but the reality is that you will be waiting over 6 months for a divorce.
The 3 C's of divorce are typically Communication, Compromise, and Cooperation, principles that help divorcing couples, especially those with children, navigate the process more smoothly by focusing on respectful dialogue, finding middle grounds, and working together for the children's well-being. Applying these fosters less conflict and better outcomes, prioritizing the children's welfare over past grievances.
The biggest divorce mistake is often letting emotions control decisions, leading to impulsive actions, but failing to seek early legal and financial advice is equally critical, as it can severely jeopardize your long-term financial security and rights, especially regarding property division and child custody. Other major errors include hiding assets, not focusing on children's needs, and using the process for revenge rather than resolution.
But it does provide some rough guidelines as to how soon may be too soon to make long-term commitments and how long may be too long to stick with a relationship. Each of the three numbers—three, six, and nine—stands for the month that a different common stage of a relationship tends to end.
Contempt. Of all the predictive factors, contempt is the most prominent one. Based on extensive research, Dr Gottman names the 'Four Horsemen' or four communication habits that are the best predictors of divorce.
Since most men do not take time to grieve the loss of their marriage, they immediately get back out there and get into new relationships and use dating after divorce as a way of escaping the pain instead of giving themselves time to heal.
Median age and relationship durations
The median age at divorce in 2024 was 46.1 years for males and 43.1 years for females. The median duration of marriage before separation remained at 8.4 years, while the median duration from marriage to divorce was 12.3 years.
The 2-2-2 rule for marriage is a guideline to keep a relationship strong and connected: have a date night every two weeks, a weekend getaway every two months, and a week-long vacation every two years. This system encourages regular, intentional quality time, breaks from routine, and deeper connection by ensuring couples prioritize each other amidst daily life, work, and family, preventing stagnation and fostering fun.
Follow the four golden rules – don't lie, keep your promises, argue productively and always play nice – and your relationship will never go anywhere but forward.
Gottman studied more than 2,000 married couples over two decades and found four attitudes that most predict the dissolution of a relationship, especially in combination. They are criticism, defensiveness, contempt and stonewalling — the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Once upon a time when divorce was rare, most people were driven to it by what I call The Three A's– affairs, addictions or abuse. Divorce meant that someone was chronically cheating, repeatedly intoxicated, or physically violent.
If there's abuse, drug use, or alcoholism, infidelity, or a plain inability to overcome the past, then a divorce may be the better option. And, while separation is a viable option, it can put you at risk if your spouse is taking advantage of you financially.
The Three A's – Adultery, Abuse, and Addiction
Therapists would love for every marriage to be able to be saved, but that just simply isn't realistic. Every marriage therapist knows when a couple comes into their office and are dealing with one of what we call, The Three A's …
Emotional distance
As communication deteriorates, spouses may start to feel more like roommates than romantic partners. This emotional disconnection can lead to a lack of empathy and understanding, making each partner feel isolated and alone, which is a major factor in things that kill a marriage.
A complete lack of trust is one of the most surefire signs that a relationship can't be salvaged. This is also one of the most complex relationship problems couples face. Loss of trust can stem from several issues. Infidelity is one of the leading causes of divorce in America.