They avoid conflict instead of resolving it. INFJs are extremely conflict avoidant, which is a key reason why they struggle to maintain their romantic relationships. Instead of addressing problems when they arise, the INFJ tends to allow resentment to fester.
You need extra time to feel comfortable around someone.
Even though we care deeply about others — and we desire deep connections — and we love intimate conversations — INFJs are private individuals. Like, extremely private. We let very few people in on our thought processes and emotions.
One INFJ I spoke with said, “My intuition will pick up that something is off, but then I tend to fill in the blanks with my best guess rather than directly asking the other person.” INFJs can make the mistake of assuming the other person's perspective too quickly and then gradually collecting lots of little assumptions ...
Commitment and Marriage
Those with INFJ traits do well in committed relationships and marriage, although they may have a hard time finding a partner who can give them the deep, emotional connection that they crave.
There's really only one reason INFJs leave relationships—their needs aren't being met. INFJs give a lot to the people they care about and ask for very little in return. So, when even the little they ask for is not being granted, they're prone to walking out.
The famous INFJ door slam
But when you've pushed them too far, taking advantage of their giving nature once too often or badgering them into doing things they don't want to do, they will resort to the INFJ door slam. The INFJ door slam is when an INFJ cuts you out of their life permanently.
A heartbroken INFJ might think they should never have trusted this person in the first place and eat themselves up with guilt. They might get angry and defensive, scared of ever letting another person in. It's okay to feel those things, but it's not healthy to stay there long-term.
Relationships can be overwhelming for the sensitive INFJ. After all, we tune into other people's emotions and sometimes struggle to sort our complex feelings out. Yet, as intense as INFJ relationships can be, these personalities usually seek long-term commitment from a partner, not a casual fling.
As sensitive personalities, INFJs feel attracted to people who show kindness towards others. Extraverted Feeling is their auxiliary function, which means INFJs try to connect in a gentle way, and appreciate those who can do the same.
INFJs feel insecure when they receive criticism or are faced with conflict or confrontation. They want to live in a harmonious atmosphere as much as possible, and they tend to take criticism very personally as children.
INFJs are often highly principled and have high standards for their partners and themselves. They tend to value honesty, communication, and loyalty more than other personality types. Sometimes, these standards may feel unrealistic and difficult for partners to navigate.
When I surveyed INFJs about their flirting styles, more than anything, they expressed a deep desire to connect emotionally with someone they liked. They will be more emotionally open, express more of their deeper longings, and become more vulnerable with you if they like you.
INFJs are most likely to marry someone who shares their values and vision for the future, regardless of their personality type. INFJs are more likely to marry someone who values emotional depth and intimacy and is dedicated to personal growth and development.
This is one of the main reasons why INFJs are still single. As an INFJ, you are always striving to find someone who can connect with you mentally, emotionally, and even spiritually to a very intimate degree (Granneman, 2019).
They tend to dislike last-minute changes and repeated mistakes, which they see as thoughtless or uncaring. At work, INFJs may find it difficult to keep their personal feelings out of their interactions with others. They'll likely become stressed if they feel unappreciated, dismissed, or ignored.
Advocate (INFJ) Weaknesses. Sensitive to Criticism – Advocates aren't averse to feedback – that is, unless they believe that someone is challenging their most cherished principles or values. When it comes to the issues that are near and dear to them, people with this personality type can become defensive or dismissive.
Extraverted Sensing is the INFJ's weakest cognitive function, and that can create some real challenges.
INFJs look for a long term relationship, most INFJs don't do one night stands or short term relationships. The dating scene now, is more or less for appearance sake which isn't genuine to the INFJ. So the INFJ might wait for a serious relationship while their friends jump into relationships around them.
"ENFJs are hopeless romantics who find having a spark with someone and building a deep connection with them something special. " Joseph Puglisi, CEO and founder of Dating Iconic, also describes ENFJs as being more amorous when interacting with their partners.
Pros of Dating an INFJ: Incredibly supportive. Intrinsically driven to make you happier every day you're with them. Shakes the foundation of your worldview in an affirming way. Cons of Dating an INFJ: A lot of unresolved existential dread.
INFJs will spend a lot of time reflecting on the situation alone, and they'll decide whether it is worth addressing or forgetting. An INFJ will often choose to push the issue aside and leave it, releasing their anger through art, creative hobbies, or exercise.
There are several reasons why INFJs disappear. INFJs disappear because, as introverts, they need time alone to recharge. They retreat when they want to process their thoughts alone. If you have hurt an INFJ or overstepped any boundaries, they will pull away.
They either leave if they weren't comfortable, if you hurt them, didn't respect their boundaries or if the relationship/friendship wasn't healthy. If they left you in bad terms then they will never come back. If they left you in good terms or basically cut contact with you then probably 50% they may come.