According to Helen Fisher and her colleagues, the reason romantic rejection gets us hooked is that this sort of rejection stimulates parts of the brain associated with motivation, reward, addiction, and cravings.
Romantic rejection stimulates parts of the brain associated with motivation, reward, addiction, and cravings. Being romantically rejected can be a familiar feeling that mirrors one's childhood, leading that person to seek out more of the same.
Personality characteristics and behaviors associated with the inability to let go include innate insecurity and childhood abandonment trauma. By understanding why this happens, many people can learn to choose better partners or become more resilient for when loss is inevitable.
Rejection breeds obsession. But the truth is that rejection is protection. No one likes rejection. Most hate it, despising it so much that in phobic fear, they'll do anything, often to no avail, to protect themselves from it.
Trauma or experiences in childhood that lead to an insecure attachment style may lead to fear of abandonment. People with a fear of abandonment may develop obsessive tendencies. People may be fearful to be alone and they may make threats or take impulsive actions in order to prevent a partner from leaving.
We become obsessed with certain people because we have fundamental neural systems that drive us into a state of infatuation, and these can be overactivated at times in our lives when we are vulnerable to the romantic potential of a person who matches our subconscious template of a desirable mate.
The answer is Dopamine. A drug like chemical that pulsates the body in search of pleasure. The dopamine-driven reward loop triggers a rush of euphoric drug-like highs when chasing a crush and the desire to experience them repeatedly.
When you feel like something is lacking within you, you may crave someone. When you're emotionally all over the place on some level, you may crave someone. Feeding into a memory, the way a person made you feel or a desire that you possibly have been suppressing, that too can cause you to crave someone.
There are five main types of obsessions: perfectionism (often related to symmetry, organization, or rules), relational (doubts or worries about a relationship, typically a significant other), contamination, causing harm, and unwanted intrusive thoughts (often with sexual or violent themes).
Infatuation syndrome can occur anytime to anyone and, unfortunately, looks a lot like love. Our brain chemistry gives off a falling-in-love experience. When we meet someone attractive, our limbic system is flooded with powerful chemicals.
Sadly, an obsession can last for years without proper healing or distance. As previously explained, if the brain has a steady source of those love chemicals, it will keep coming back for more just like with any drug.
Research has shown that romantic rejection can leave people feeling worthless and incompetent, especially if they have been overlooked in favor of someone else. What that tells us is that it's easy to allow a negative outcome to create false beliefs about ourselves like we are unworthy or unlovable.
Rejection Can Impact Future Relationships
Rejection anxiety can cause you to be constantly on the look out that your partner is showing signs of leaving. You might develop unhealthy attachment patterns.
Rejection destabilizes our need to belong, leaving us feeling unsettled and socially untethered. Therefore, we need to remind ourselves that we're appreciated and loved so we can feel more connected and grounded.
Low self-esteem can cause feelings of repulsion toward love or relationships. If you do not feel attractive, valuable, or loveable, you may subconsciously feel that others will not see you in this way. Low self-esteem can be improved through self-care and practices that increase self-compassion, like meditation.
Yes, sometimes we can choose whom we love. At the same time, powerful emotions drive the way we feel. It can be tough to decide where the feelings end and where our rationality takes over. In stressful times, you can make the choice to keep on loving someone rather than leaving them.