You still want him because of trauma bonding, brain chemistry (opioid withdrawal & stress response), a fantasy bond, or unresolved emotional needs that the relationship temporarily met, despite the hurt, leading to a cycle of attachment and pain, similar to addiction. Your brain might perceive the lost connection as a survival threat, triggering stress, while also missing the feel-good chemicals the relationship provided, making it hard to let go.
Because when someone treats you badly it can cause your brain to latch onto them even harder. It's why people in abusive relationships have such a difficult time getting out of them. They truly love the person who is treating them like garbage and it forms a trauma bond.
It often persists despite pain, loss, or the end of a relationship. To still love someone after they've hurt you — months or even years later — is not a flaw or weakness. It's a profound expression of what it means to be human: to care deeply, to hope, and to hold on to what once was meaningful.
3-6-9 rule is 3 months honeymoon phase of the relationship 6 months is conflict stage, 9 months is the decision phase is this really worth pursuing or not.
Ways to stop obsessing over someone you can't have
What Causes Obsession Over a Person? According to Furer, obsession is caused by several factors—it could be that you feel lonely or are looking for a connection with someone. It could also be due to meeting somebody either very interesting, or who you're romantically invested in.
The four stages of limerence describe the obsessive, fantasy-driven experience of intense romantic longing, typically progressing from initial Attraction/Infatuation, where curiosity grows into idealization, to Obsession, marked by intrusive thoughts and longing, then through Elation & Despair, depending on perceived reciprocation, and finally to a Resolution, where feelings fade into stable attachment or detachment, potentially leading to transformation or heartbreak.
survived the dreaded two-year mark (i.e. the most common time period when couples break up), then you're destined to be together forever… right? Unfortunately, the two-year mark isn't the only relationship test to pass, nor do you get to relax before the seven-year itch.
The 777 dating rule is a relationship strategy for intentional connection, suggesting couples schedule a date every 7 days, an overnight getaway every 7 weeks, and a longer vacation every 7 months to keep the spark alive, build memories, and prevent disconnection from daily life. It's about consistent, quality time, not necessarily grand gestures, and focuses on undivided attention to strengthen intimacy and partnership over time.
“What Is The 60/40 Rule In Relationships?” . . Because when you believe in the 50/50 rule, you're looking to be even with your partner. When you're focusing your energy into giving 60% into your relationship and only expecting 40% back, that's when you've developed a healthy and successful relationship.
We feel they love us even though they treat us badly. This contradiction is known as cognitive dissonance, where we believe two contradictory thoughts at the same time. As a result of the contradiction we can become more extreme in our thoughts and behaviours as we wrestle with the disconnect.
In a relationship, pocketing means one partner keeps the other hidden from their friends, family, and social life, treating them like a secret or something kept "in their pocket" rather than integrating them into their world, often signaling a lack of commitment or shame. This involves avoiding introductions, keeping the relationship off social media, and making excuses for why the partner can't meet important people, making the hidden partner feel isolated and questioning their worth.
Key Takeaways. If you can't trust your partner or find common goals together, it might be time to part ways. A lack of emotional connection and lost physical attraction can signal your relationship needs an overhaul. Constant disagreements or finding someone else more appealing are signs it may be time to move on.
Emophilia means the tendency to fall in love quickly, easily, and frequently, often described as "emotional promiscuity," where individuals rapidly develop intense romantic feelings, say "I love you" early, and jump into relationships, sometimes overlooking red flags for the exhilarating experience of new love. It's a personality trait linked to chasing excitement and romantic stimulation, differing from attachment anxiety (fear-based) by being a reward-seeking approach. High emophilia can lead to risky behaviors, unhealthy attachments, and difficulty forming stable relationships, according to Psychology Today.
Trauma attachment happens when as an adult, you still have an emotional connection to the abuser, despite – or even because of – the abuse they caused. This bond can feel like a lifeline, especially when the abuser was a parent. After all, as children, our survival depends on these relationships.
The "65% rule of breakups" refers to research suggesting couples often separate when relationship satisfaction drops below a critical threshold, around 65% of the maximum possible score, indicating distress is too high to continue. While not a formal psychological law, experts use the idea to suggest that if you feel significantly unhappy (e.g., 65% sure the relationship isn't working), it might be time to consider ending it to create space for peace and something healthier, rather than staying in a failing situation.
You know you're falling in love when your someone begins to take up major real estate in your thoughts. You might find yourself rehashing your conversations in the middle of work, thinking about your next date days in advance, or even envisioning your future together.
But it does provide some rough guidelines as to how soon may be too soon to make long-term commitments and how long may be too long to stick with a relationship. Each of the three numbers—three, six, and nine—stands for the month that a different common stage of a relationship tends to end.
Take them in the spirit in which they are offered—as a a lens to think about your own relationship. This blog is part of a series on the five Cs: Chemistry, Commonality, Constructive Conflict, Courtesy and Commitment.
It's not just December – January brings break-ups too
“Sometimes we make promises to ourselves that we aren't going to have another year like this in our relationship, and the break-up happens early in the new year,” Mitchell explains. Together, December and January form what experts now call 'break-up season'.
The four behaviors that predict over 90% of divorces, known as Dr. John Gottman's "Four Horsemen," are Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling, which erode connection, respect, and safety, leading to relationship breakdown. These destructive communication patterns, if persistent, signal that a marriage is likely to end, with contempt being the most damaging.
Here's 10 Things not to do after a breakup
5: Our Own Needs, Emotions and Desires.
The highest level of intimacy, requires the greatest amount of trust in our relationship. It is only when we feel truly safe with somebody, that we become willing to share the deepest core of who we are. It's up close and personal.
Limerence is equally common in men and women, whatever their sexuality, but there is one group that seems to be especially prone to the experience: those with an anxious attachment style.
Limerence has also been tied to trauma. Early childhood abandonment or neglect may correlate with the likelihood of experiencing limerence, and it has been associated with post-traumatic stress disorder as well as obsessive-compulsive disorder.