We become obsessed with certain people because we have fundamental neural systems that drive us into a state of infatuation, and these can be overactivated at times in our lives when we are vulnerable to the romantic potential of a person who matches our subconscious template of a desirable mate.
So why do some of us do this? Obsessive crushes aren't just frustrating - they could be a type of addiction, according to researchers. Dr Gery Karantzas, an Associate Professor at Deakin University studying love and relationships, said some of us get an emotional "reward" from fantasising about a crush.
Many people who experience obsessions show a genetic predisposition to it. One thought is that obsessions may be something that we inherit through our DNA. Other experts think there may be chemical differences within some peoples' brains that might make you more likely to have obsessions.
Obsessive love can be a sign of another mental health condition, so a healthcare professional may ask questions about a person's mental health history. They may also recommend psychological or medical testing to rule out other causes, especially if the person demonstrates delusional behavior.
Emophilia is defined by a tendency to fall in love quickly and often, which is associated with rapid romantic involvement. However, questions linger as to how it is different from anxious attachment, which also predicts rapid romantic involvement.
If you're falling in love, prepare for butterflies and excitement. However, if you're still distracted and completely wrapped up in someone after months have passed, it could be a sign of obsession. Obsessive passion isn't a healthy basis for a relationship.
People with BPD feel firmly attached to their favorite person and may depend on them for comfort, reassurance, and guidance. In many cases, someone with BPD may rely entirely on their favorite person. As a result, they may idealize them and expect them to always be available.
Although a little jealousy can be normal, a person obsessed with someone else exhibits extreme jealousy at the slightest hint of a threat. Obsession involves a strong need to control another person, treating them more like a possession than a partner.
Being romantically rejected can be a familiar feeling that mirrors one's childhood, leading that person to seek out more of the same. People with a history of rejection may sometimes subconsciously seek out similar scenarios, hoping that the story will have a different ending.
If you find yourself idealizing someone, experiencing intrusive thoughts, replaying every encounter with the person, or engaging in stalker-like behavior (like rearranging your schedule to bump into them), you could be experiencing limerence, she says.
Another way to figure out if it is a crush or an obsession is to think about a life without that specific person. People with crushes will often be able to “bounce back” after, but people with obsessions will feel as if they can not live without that person in their grasp.”
Symptoms can manifest themselves in many ways, but they include: Overwhelming attraction to one person. Possessive thoughts and actions. Intense preoccupation with a relationship.
Even though it can end with a broken heart, the drama that leads up to it is exciting and thrilling. But what is too long to have a crush? In reality, according to psychologists, a typical crush usually lasts for FOUR MONTHS. If the feeling persists, what you feel is what we like to call, “being in love.”
You might find that this person that you barely know is extremely funny, charming, strong, humble, and captivating. You might be thinking about them so much because they seem so rare. They might have a unique combination of traits that you admire and desire.
OCD can involve obsessions or compulsions of many kinds. But what if your obsessions are towards another person? Limerence is a term that describes an infatuation or obsession with another person. It stems from romantic attraction that involuntarily develops into obsessive thoughts.
In 1979, Dorothy Tennov coined the term “limerence” for the first stage of love, characterized by physical symptoms (flushing, trembling, palpitations), excitement, intrusive thinking, obsession, fantasy, sexual excitement, and the fear of rejection.
Obsessively keeping in contact with the subject of your affection. Ignoring the personal boundaries of the subject of your affection. Behaving in a controlling manner with the person you love. Feeling extreme jealousy of other relationships the person you love might have with other people.
Obsession with another person often stems from a lack of self-esteem or an anxious attachment style. However, you may be able to reduce this obsession through a few steps. Are You Struggling To Move On From A Crush?
Quiet borderline personality disorder, or quiet BPD, is a classification some psychologists use to describe a subtype of borderline personality disorder (BPD). While many symptoms of BPD can manifest outward (such as aggression toward others), individuals with quiet BPD may direct symptoms like aggression inward.
Romantic fantasization is a common feature of borderline personality disorder (BPD). The unpredictable emotional state associated with borderline personality disorder can cause confusing fluctuations in how borderlines view their romantic partners.
If the changes are short-term and positive, and the intensity remains at a controllable level, you are probably seeing an infatuation. If the PSR is a long-term intense relationship that takes up all of an individual's time and thought, you are seeing an obsession.
Infatuation is often a fantasy-based, passionate longing for someone else. It can prevent you from acknowledging their weaknesses, and may even land you in an unhealthy situation. Love is often based in reality and is fed on closeness and knowledge of the other person.
Signs you just like the attention
If you're only talking to them for attention, Wood says you might notice the following red flags: You feel anxious without their time or attention. You're emotionally unavailable, and you keep your guard up. You don't know much about them beyond the surface (and you don't care to).