Lack of personal time, intimacy, communication, and many other factors can explain why some relationships fail after having a baby. None of these issues are impossible to overcome, but addressing any problems that have emerged is essential to strengthening the connection with your partner.
If you're feeling less than lusty after having a baby, you're not alone. “It's completely normal for both women and men's libido to hit a rock-bottom low during the first six to nine months following the birth of your baby,” says L.A. ob-gyn Sheryl Ross, MD.
Feeling disconnected
There are seasons of your relationship when you'll feel less connected to your partner. Unless it is an ongoing, painful issue that's never resolved despite your best efforts, a momentary disconnect is normal—not a death signal.
Don't be surprised if you're not happy.
Sociologists theorize that, in heterosexual relationships, mothers are more unhappy with their marriages after they have children because they tend to take on more “second shift” work — child care and housework — and begin to feel that their relationships are no longer fair.
What percentage of couples split up after having a baby? According to one source, 67% to 90% (!!!) of couples report a decline in relationship satisfaction after their baby is born. Even more shocking?
After having a baby, most married couples become less satisfied with their relationships, and that can have negative mental health consequences for their children.
Relationships lose emotional intimacy for simple reasons like busy schedules or difficulty finding quality time together. Or there can be more emotionally-nuanced and complex reasons, from a lack of emotional safety, fear of vulnerability, or underlying tensions in the relationship.
There's a term for this: walkaway wife syndrome. This term is sometimes used to describe instances where a spouse – often the wife – has felt alone, neglected, and resentful in a deteriorating marriage and decides it's time to end it.
'Research bears out the fact that most men still find their partners attractive after they've had a baby — sexual chemistry is bound up in so much more than looks — but they will also be aware that their partners are exhausted and they'll tend not to be pushy about wanting sex. '
They're less interested in "macho" things: When baby comes on board, new dads may become more stressed ("How are we going to pay for all of this?"), less active ("Who has time to work out?") and they lose sleep. All of these lifestyle factors influence testosterone levels.
New mums anxious about their changing body shape need not worry as new research has revealed that men find their partner sexier after they've welcomed a baby. The recent study found that 66pc of fathers admitted that they found their wife or partner's figure more attractive after they've given birth.
What you may not be expecting is the sense of isolation that is common for parents who have just given birth to a baby, especially for first-time mothers. Any life change—like starting a new job or moving to a new town—is known to cause feelings of loneliness and disconnection.
In conclusion, there are various reasons why a woman may lose interest in a man. These can include a lack of emotional connection, communication breakdown, the man stopping efforts, societal pressures, life goals/values not aligning, and more.
Emotional detachment can be part of healthy emotion regulation, but it can be harmful if it leads to interpersonal problems. Trauma, mental health conditions, and medication side effects can all cause emotional detachment. Help for emotional detachment depends on the individual, but may include talk therapy.
Feeling disconnected or depersonalization from your body in a relationship occurs when a partner doesn't feel the closeness they admired earlier in their relationship or they tend to dissociate from their body. The connection between two people can be a beautiful thing, but it is not always easy to maintain.
The short-term answer is usually yes. Children thrive in predictable, secure families with two parents who love them and love each other. Separation is unsettling, stressful, and destabilizing unless there is parental abuse or conflict. In the long term, however, divorce can lead to happier outcomes for children.
The biggest challenge that any married couple will take on is having a child. In fact, studies show that marital satisfaction declines twice as severely for couples with children. When couples have a child whom was not initially part of their plan, the rate of happiness tends to decline even more significantly.
All that makes for a messy transition to this new phase of life. Between hormones, physical discomfort after birth, and a complete upheaval of your daily routine, it's perfectly normal to feel resentful of a partner who gets to walk about pain-free without breastmilk-stained shirts or a child clinging to his body.