For some, cheating is a way to explore repressed parts of the self. These cheaters don't actually want to change the core of who they are; they just want to escape the constraints of that for a little while. They're not looking for another person; they're looking for hidden versions of themselves. Insecurity.
It is absolutely possible that your partner does love you, did love you before, and will continue to love you in the future. Infidelity does not mean that the love is gone or never existed. The reality is that you can love someone and still cheat on them.
No, cheating doesn't mean your love wasn't real.
Whether you believe that someone can love their partner in the moment of infidelity or not, it's difficult to argue that there was never any love in a relationship just because someone cheated. People fall in and out of love all the time.
Telling your partner and therefore immediately unburdening yourself of your mistake is actually pretty selfish, she says. "You're the one sitting with the guilt, and if [the affair] is over and done, you absolutely don't want to then put that on your partner," she told the site.
Admittedly, sometimes people choose to cheat because they're in a bad relationship and want out. Sometimes they feel stuck because of kids, finances, social mores, or whatever. So they sneak around to get their needs for connection, intimacy, and validation met by someone other than their spouse.
The most important thing to remember is what cheating says about a person. They're insecure, impulsive, selfish, and immature. Sometimes, it's a chronic problem that likely won't ever be fixed, just be sure not to ignore the warning signs.
What a reader says: "Yes, you should always tell your partner, but not for your own peace of mind. Instead you should do it because the person you cheated on has the right to decide whether or not they should continue the relationship.
Experts say it's possible for couples to go on to have a happy relationship after infidelity, provided they're willing to put in the work. “The couple can survive and grow after an affair,” says Coleman.
#2 Write your apology for cheating
Tell your partner that you're aware of the pain you've caused, and stress the fact that you were wrong. Let your partner know they didn't deserve it, and you feel intense remorse over whatever you did. Avoid over-explaining yourself.
How Many Couples Stay Together After an Affair? In one study, researchers found that with instances of secret infidelity, only about 20% of couples were still married after 5 years. However, for couples who revealed infidelity, that percentage jumped to 57%.
According to the General Social Survey, men are more likely to cheat than women, with 20% of men and 13% of women reporting having sex with someone other than their partner while still married. However, the gender gap varies per age.
Cheating can shake a relationship to its core, but there are ways to forgive your partner after infidelity occurs. A cheater has to be remorseful about their actions if they want a chance to repair the relationship, Matt Lundquist, a psychotherapist and director of Tribeca Therapy, told INSIDER.
Research in the field of infidelity reveals that there are three distinct personality types correlated with a higher likelihood of cheating: sociopaths, narcissists, and lonely hearts.
It's really hard to understand why people cheat on people they love. Sometimes, people decide to cheat because they feel unloved, or like they have fallen out of love, with their partner. Sometimes, they feel the romance is gone from their relationship, and having an illicit romance gives them a sense of excitement.
An analysis revealed eight key reasons: anger, self-esteem, lack of love, low commitment, need for variety, neglect, sexual desire, and situation or circumstance.
Sexual desire
A simple desire to have sex can motivate some people to cheat. Other factors, including opportunity or unmet sexual needs, may also play a part in infidelity that's motivated by desire. But someone who wants to have sex might also look for opportunities to do so without any other motivators.
Being Cheated On Really Hurts!
When your partner's infidelity is uncovered, you can't help but experience that as a powerful form of emotional and psychological trauma. It feels like you've been hit by a truck – but emotionally rather than physically. You feel battered, bruised, and broken by the betrayal.
It's absolutely possible to heal from infidelity. Although the pain and grief can be intense, it's also possible to work on the relationship so that you and your partner are able to move on.