Hoarders often blame others as a defense mechanism to avoid shame, guilt, and the overwhelming feelings associated with their disorder, deflecting responsibility for the mess and focusing on external factors like unhelpful family members or a lack of support instead of confronting their own actions or underlying issues like trauma, anxiety, or a need for control. This blame-shifting protects their self-identity, which has become deeply intertwined with their possessions, making discarding items feel like a personal violation or loss of self.
Often, blaming (whether blaming others or blaming yourself) stems from traumatic experiences in your past. Physical, emotional, and sexual abuse are common causes, but any traumatic experience can lead to blaming. Working with a therapist, you can uncover the underlying causes and begin to institute positive changes.
Personality. Many people who have hoarding disorder have a behavior style that includes trouble making decisions and problems with attention, organization and problem-solving. Family history. There is a strong association between having a family member who has hoarding disorder and having the disorder yourself.
What is the psychological term for blaming others? Blaming someone else for your problems is called deflection. It's a defense mechanism intended to preserve your self-esteem by painting yourself as the victim of circumstance rather than accepting responsibility for your own mistakes and your own behavior.
Difficult feelings
Hoarding can be related to difficult experiences and painful feelings. You may find these hard to express, face or resolve. Some people say hoarding helps them cope with other mental health problems. Or that it distracts them from feeling very anxious, upset or afraid.
Hoarding disorder may exist on its own or may be part of another condition. Mental health conditions most often associated with hoarding disorder include: Obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (OCPD).
Hoarding disorder is a recognized psychological condition where people feel compelled to keep items regardless of their actual value or usefulness. The thought of discarding things causes significant distress, leading to rapid accumulation and cluttered living spaces.
Some individuals tend to thrive in conflict, creating tension and disagreement in personal and professional relationships. These high conflict individuals often display a persistent pattern of blaming others, escalations, and hostile behavior. This is called High Conflict Personality Disorder (HCP).
Have an unreasonably high sense of self-importance and require constant, excessive admiration. Feel that they deserve privileges and special treatment. Expect to be recognized as superior even without achievements. Make achievements and talents seem bigger than they are.
“An option is to not engage in the blame shift,” says Ferris. Keep the conversation on topic and try not to respond to their deflection. “Let the person finish, then redirect back to your complaint, even acknowledging that you want to hear what they have to say after you can talk about what you brought up.”
In many cases, hoarding disorder is closely linked to Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD). C-PTSD develops in response to prolonged, repeated trauma, particularly in situations where escape or relief is not possible—such as in cases of chronic childhood abuse or neglect.
Discussing the hoarding problem in an open and accepting way is an important first step. Respecting the hoarding loved one's attachments to possessions is critical to being able to hold such discussions. This can help to establish respect for the rights of each member of the household as well.
The main treatment for hoarding disorder is cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), a skills-based approach to therapy. You learn how to better manage beliefs and behaviors that are linked to keeping the clutter.
There are a few ways to manage a situation in which you're being blamed for someone else's mistakes.
Blame of self or others is a common reaction to traumatic events and, in some cases, may be normative, justified, appropriate and possibly helpful (Gray, Nash, & Litz, 2017).
People with narcissistic personality disorder are extremely resistant to changing their behavior, even when it's causing them problems. Their tendency is to turn the blame on to others.
Five key signs of a narcissist include a grandiose sense of self-importance, an excessive need for admiration, a strong sense of entitlement, lack of empathy for others' feelings, and a tendency to exploit or manipulate people for personal gain, all stemming from a fragile ego and deep insecurity. They often boast, feel unique, get easily slighted by criticism, and disregard others' needs.
As a Harvard-trained psychologist, I've found that there are seven phrases you'll hear from highly narcissistic people:
Based on some overlapping symptoms, borderline personality disorder (BPD) and narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) are two mental health disorders that are often mistaken for one another.
Narcissistic traits often peak in late adolescence and early adulthood (around ages 14-23), particularly with grandiosity and entitlement, as individuals seek identity and status, but then tend to decline as people mature and face life's realities, though some individuals with NPD may see intensification in these years before a potential mellowing in middle age.
When a high-conflict person has one of five common personality disorders—borderline, narcissistic, paranoid, antisocial, or histrionic—they can lash out in risky extremes of emotion and aggression. And once an HCP decides to target you, they're hard to shake. But there are ways to protect yourself.
Symptoms
Loss: When Clutter Holds Memories
Loss is a universal human experience, but for those with complex trauma, it can feel catastrophic. Whether it's the loss of a loved one, a home, or a sense of safety, these experiences can lead to hoarding as a coping mechanism.
The 50% rule for clutter is a decluttering method that challenges you to remove half the items from any given space (closets, drawers, rooms) to create instant space, reduce overwhelm, and achieve a more organized, functional environment by keeping only what truly adds value. It's a powerful technique for making significant progress quickly, forcing intentional decisions about what to keep versus what to let go of, making finding and using items easier.