When a guy runs hot and cold on you, it's highly likely that he's insecure. He is blowing hot when he's feeling strong emotions about you. After the first few months of dating, he begins to panic. He gets anxious that you don't like him as much as he does.
1. He likes to take control. This is all about wanting to feel powerful – Men who blow hot and cold want to feel important. Probably by establishing control, they want to test you, or they're trying to figure out how calm you can be or how far they can push you.
Why does he act interested one minute and distant the next? Perhaps he assumed you were in a relationship, so he convinced himself it would be a waste of time to ask you out. This situation is quite close to the feeling that a person is out of your league.
Sometimes the stress outside of your relationship becomes so overbearing that you decide you need to put things on hold to focus on it. This can lead a guy to suddenly becoming cold and distant. Make sure you pay attention to what's going on in a guys life outside of his relationship with you.
In fact, one of the top reasons guys act interested but then disappear is that they think you're not compatible. This doesn't mean anything is wrong with you (or with them). It just means that for some reason, right or wrong, they have decided you're not a good fit.
If a guy truly starts to ignore you, it's usually either because he is upset with you and needs you to give him space, he is losing interest, he feels like the relationship is moving too fast, he is playing games with you or trying to lead you on.
Sometimes men try to act distant due to fear of rejection. He may think he is not in your league, you are with someone, want to keep his options open, and want you to approach him are the common reasons for acting distant.
How to break the hot and cold cycle. If you find yourself in a relationship like this, one of the best things to do is to talk to someone, such as a trusted friend or family member. But, if you feel unable to open up to loved ones, then a therapist is a good neutral alternative as they are completely impartial.
It might be moving too fast for him
Relationships are big commitments, and while he might be sure that he really likes you, he might feel better about it if it moves a bit slower. If the relationship is moving too fast for him, he'll start acting distant as a technique to put the brakes on things.
Look out for body language cues that signal that he is uncomfortable or disinterested in your interactions. He may try to move away from you, cross his arms in front of him, or turn away from you while you are talking. He may also try to avoid physical contact, like a hug or you touching his arm, he is not interested.
Some guys catch on that you want something more serious, so they disappear. If you are still asking why he pursued me then disappeared – this is a likely reason. Men often do this thinking it's nicer and less confrontational than some ugly emotional scene when you realize he's not going to stick around.
He fears commitment or loves his freedom more
Perhaps he feels the relationship has moved forward too fast. Or, he probably feels he is still young and does not want to settle down. Some men love the thrill of the chase and the new bonding as they find it more enticing, but they fear serious long-term relationships.
They go from hot to cold
People who are emotionally unavailable tend to confuse their partners with their inconsistent behavior. They vacillate between being very hot and into the relationship one second, only to go totally cold the next. This can feel uncomfortable and scary.
There is no single or definite reason why a person suddenly stops flirting. The only thing that you can be sure about is this: They don't want to flirt with you anymore. It is usually their own decision, but some instances probably made them decide that it was not a good idea anymore.
Inconsistency in relationships is unhealthy and destabilising. Blowing hot and cold is never a good sign and it is in fact a code red alert because you can never trust in this person enough to know what to expect from them. Your relationship will not be able to have balance.
There are many reasons a person blows hot and cold. It could be that they are not ready for a committed relationship; they don't know what they want; they are not sure what to do about their intense feelings for you; or they are emotionally unstable or unavailable.
The best way to handle a partner who plays hot and cold is to confront them. That's it. It doesn't matter whether they are currently in their hot phase or their cold phase. You be in your cool, caring, and careful zone.
If you are wondering why do guys distance themselves after intimacy, it might be that he is scared of loving. Some men don't want to open up to anyone or feel vulnerable because it makes them less male. Therefore, when a man sees signs of a possible loving relationship, he pulls away after intimacy.
02/7Fear of commitment
This is the most common reason why many men back out the moment they find themselves getting close. They get this irrational fear of being accountable to someone for their life. When they realise they are getting serious, they fear being tied down and their first reaction is to run south.
If you find your man pulling away from you, give him space. Allow him the freedom to miss you and be re-attracted to you. This approach may sound counterintuitive but consider the alternate path - being needy, continually bothering him, and not letting him go. It is sure to frustrate him and drive him away further.
Men tend to give you mixed signals when they are either not interested and planning to keep you as backup, are confused about what they want or even playing around. This behaviour can be very frustrating and it gets difficult to deal with that hot and cold attitude. So, to deal with such annoying mixed signals.
Show genuine interest in him to put him at ease.
If you told someone you weren't interested in them and then you start to like them, start up a conversation and ask questions about how he's been. That way, he'll feel like you really care, which may make him start thinking about you again.