Smiling when discussing trauma is a way to minimize the traumatic experience. It communicates the notion that what happened “wasn't so bad.” This is a common strategy that trauma survivors use in an attempt to maintain a connection to caretakers who were their perpetrators.
Laughing or smiling is a way to say, “Let's move on and talk about something else.” Many survivors don't have enough ego-strength or self-esteem to trust that they merit guidance, attention, and validation. Smiling is a way to communicate that they don't have the tools to manage “negative” emotions.
“It could be that that smile during that negative scenario signals to others that you're open for them to approach you, maybe for comfort, maybe to distract you from whatever sadness is going on for you,” she said. See more from the “Every Little Thing” podcast.
Whether it's validation, understanding, being seen, or empathy, talking with someone (or many someones) who gets it rids survivors of feelings of isolation. To “process” a trauma essentially means to make sense of it. Trauma doesn't make sense—it's a mess of emotions and reactions and questions.
A fourth, less discussed, response to trauma is called fawning, or people-pleasing. The fawn response is a coping mechanism in which individuals develop people-pleasing behaviors to avoid conflict, pacify their abusers, and create a sense of safety.
Fawning is a trauma response that uses people-pleasing behavior to appease or supplicate an aggressor, avoid conflict, and ensure safety. This trauma response is exceedingly common, especially in complex trauma survivors, and often gets overlooked.
Causes of people-pleasing
Low self-esteem: People who feel they are worth less than others may feel their needs are unimportant. They may advocate for themselves less or have less awareness of what they want. They may also feel that they have no purpose if they cannot help others.
When somebody experiences a traumatic event, they're often supported by people in social work, legal and clinical contexts who ask them repeatedly to recount their personal stories. This retelling of these events can exacerbate symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and potentially re-traumatize the person.
Talking about the trauma can be important
Allow the person to talk about what happened, even if they become upset. Just be calm yourself and listen carefully – getting upset too doesn't help. Don't insist on talking if the person doesn't want to. They may need time to be alone with their thoughts.
Traumatic experiences
It is normal to have strong emotional or physical reactions following a distressing event. On most occasions though, these reactions subside as a part of the body's natural healing and recovery process. There are many things you can do to help cope with and recover from such an experience.
That's because we typically want to express warmth and connection. So when you stand up to speak and you smile at your audience, they will probably smile back. This will initiate a subconscious and powerful connection.
Smiling depression is appearing happy to others while internally suffering with depressive symptoms. The smile and external façade is a defense mechanism. Suicide can be a particular threat for individuals suffering with smiling depression.
But it's a very real condition. Mental health professionals use the term when you're depressed or anxious but look and act happy. If you have smiling depression, you might tell others that you feel fine and power through your daily activities as usual.
Smiling reduces stress. Stress and anxiety can be ongoing challenges, but smiling more often helps the mind and body release stress naturally. Smiling helps reduce stress-induced hormones in the bloodstream, which helps avoid adrenal fatigue. Smiling enhances positive emotions.
Your Body Releases Good Hormones
Your body releases three hormones that make you feel good when you smile. They include dopamine, endorphins and serotonin. These signal to your body that you're happy, and in turn, you feel happier.
Smiling may act as a protective mechanism to avoid alienation by others who are not comfortable with distress. Smiling may act to reconnect to the part of themselves that previously the “happy self.” The smile may be a mask to protect the person against the chronic nature of their experience.
“Trauma dumping is the unfiltered sharing of strong emotions or upsetting experiences without permission from the listener.” – Talkspace therapist Dr. Olga Molina, D.S.W., LCSW.
Compounding Trauma: What Not To Say
Some of the worst responses are those which can compound shame and self-doubt, even if they're well-intentioned. Young says statements such as “you'll get over it”, “it wasn't that bad” or “what's wrong with you?” can be particularly damaging.
Don't pressure your loved one into talking.
It can be very difficult for people with PTSD to talk about their traumatic experiences. For some, it can even make them feel worse. Instead, let them know you're willing to listen when they want to talk, or just hang out when they don't.
Initial reactions to trauma can include exhaustion, confusion, sadness, anxiety, agitation, numbness, dissociation, confusion, physical arousal, and blunted affect. Most responses are normal in that they affect most survivors and are socially acceptable, psychologically effective, and self-limited.
It can be hard for people with PTSD to talk about their trauma, even with people they love. Let your loved one know that you understand if they don't want to share everything — and that you'll be there to listen when they're ready. Be a good listener.
INFP: People-pleasing
The biggest turn-off for INFPs is people-pleasing. INFPs are independent and individualistic in their beliefs and values. They want people to be authentic and true to themselves, even if they risk offending others.
The tendency to please is related to Dependent Personality Disorder. While the people-pleaser may not need others to do things for them, they do have a need for others, regardless. The pleasing personality is also related to the Masochistic Personality type, which also corresponds with Dependent Personality.
People Pleasers spend so much time and effort in taking care of others. Unfortunately, they often do not establish good social support for themselves. They also find it hard to give up control and let other people take care of them. While taking care of others in noble and rewarding, it can also be toxic and unhealthy.