People with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) get intensely attached due to a deep-seated fear of abandonment, stemming from childhood experiences, leading to a hyperactive attachment system that seeks constant validation, filling an inner emptiness and creating a desperate need for connection, often with a "favorite person" who becomes the center of their emotional world, triggering rapid idealization and unstable, intense relationships.
Most BPDs do not even know who they are so attaching to others is both a ``lifeboat'' of sorts, as well as source of validation. Much of their lives are centered around fear so it makes sense that they would feel safer when attached to others.
Due to the marked similarities between BPD symptomatology and fearful/disorganized attachment (Beeney et al., 2017), it is hypothesized that the combination of anxious and avoidant dimensions will correspond most powerfully with BPD.
Fear of abandonment: A core feature of BPD is a fear of abandonment, which can result in obsessive thoughts about a person's relationships, friendships, or romantic partners. Impulsivity: Impulsive behaviors are common in BPD, and these actions may sometimes take the form of obsessive-compulsive behaviors or rituals.
People with BPD have a high need for intimate relationships. This is due in part to their fear of abandonment, but also to their love of people and desire for intimate ties. Consequently, people with BPD tend to have extremely passionate relationships.
To conclude, people with Borderline Personality Disorder can love and be loved. Their experience of love might be different and potentially more intense, but with understanding, patience, and professional help, they can navigate the complexities of relationships and build meaningful bonds with their loved ones.
Focus on self-improvement. Focusing on self-improvement can help someone with BPD shift their focus from the favorite person to improving themselves. This can include setting goals, learning new skills, or taking up a hobby. The key is to find activities that promote self-growth and increase self-esteem.
In BPD, hypersexuality can be seen as a maladaptive coping mechanism used to manage intense emotional distress or feelings of emptiness, often associated with the disorder. The temporary relief or pleasure derived from sexual activity can provide a fleeting escape from these uncomfortable feelings.
Sexual, physical or emotional abuse or neglect.
Don't…
Types of Mothers with Borderline Personality Disorder
BPD limerence is when borderline personality traits (BPD) meet with obsessive romantic attachment. It creates an emotionally intense experience where fear of abandonment meets desperate longing.
A Swedish national study reported that 95.7% of individuals with a BPD diagnosis had a comorbid psychiatric diagnosis [8]. Mood disorders, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), impulsive disorders, and bipolar disorders are commonly associated with BPD symptoms and diagnosis [9–11].
But there are lots of positive things you can do to support them:
The "3 C's of BPD" typically refer to advice for loved ones of someone with Borderline Personality Disorder, reminding them: "I didn't cause it, I can't cure it, I can't control it," to help set boundaries and avoid taking on undue responsibility for the person's actions or illness. Another set of "C's" describes core BPD traits for individuals: Clinginess (fear of abandonment), Conflict (intense relationships/moods), and Confusion (unstable self-image).
One of the primary challenges of dating someone with borderline personality disorder is the emotional turmoil and confusion it can bring. Individuals with the disorder may have difficulty regulating their emotions, leading to intense and unpredictable mood swings.
Conclusions: Parental externalizing psychopathology and father's BPD traits contribute genetic risk for offspring BPD traits, but mothers' BPD traits and parents' poor parenting constitute environmental risks for the development of these offspring traits.
For example, a person with borderline personality disorder may be more likely to experience symptoms of depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, bipolar disorder, anxiety disorders, substance use disorders, or eating disorders.
How can I help myself in the longer term?
This usually begins with idealization or the “honeymoon phase,” where the BPD partner has you on a pedestal and believes you will never do anything wrong. This period can last a few days or go on for months. However, it will typically and inevitably be followed by devaluation, or loss of respect and admiration.
Elevated Mood and Energy
During euphoric episodes, individuals with BPD often experience a dramatically elevated mood that's more than typical happiness. They may feel invincible, incredibly optimistic about the future, and filled with energy that seems boundless.
BPD may seriously affect a person's ability to cope and function in a job or in school. Other common problems that affect people with BPD include getting other mood disorders such as: Anxiety. Depression.
People with BPD often have a pervasive fear of abandonment. This can lead to clingy or needy behavior, where your friend may require constant reassurance of your friendship. It can also result in extreme reactions to perceived slights or misunderstandings, which can strain the relationship.
BPD-related psychosis typically differs from other psychotic disorders as symptoms are usually brief, stress-triggered, and the person often maintains some reality testing. Psychotic symptoms in BPD can include paranoia, auditory hallucinations, visual distortions, and severe dissociative episodes.
Offer Distractions. Redirecting the focus of the individual during a BPD episode can provide a helpful break from overwhelming emotions. Distractions allow them to regain control of their feelings and may help them calm down more quickly.