Narcissists have a highly unstable self-image, he says. They are often inflexible, defensive, and manage the situation in unhealthy ways. If your parenting partner is narcissist, they may ignore, push, or test your boundaries. Or they might parent with less structure, empathy, or respect than you'd like.
“In order to successfully co-parent with someone who has narcissistic traits, you need to establish a solid parenting plan, and to make sure anything you both decide upon is documented,” says Burgemeester. This will protect you and your kids should your co-parent try to disregard your wishes.
Co-parenting with a narcissist does not exist. In divorce, narcissistic pathology manifests as a parent's preoccupation with their own needs and demands, blindness to their own children, and desired erasure of the other parent. As much as legally possible, insulate yourself and your children from this toxic monster.
A narcissistic parent will often abuse the normal parental role of guiding their children and being the primary decision maker in the child's life, becoming overly possessive and controlling. This possessiveness and excessive control disempowers the child; the parent sees the child simply as an extension of themselves.
Cramer (2011) showed that children raised by authoritative and permissive parents (high responsiveness) exhibited more adaptive narcissistic tendencies, such as superiority and grandiosity, whereas children raised by authoritarian parents (low responsiveness) were less likely to exhibit such traits.
Co-parenting likely won't work
Co-parenting and even a 50/50 split for parenting time likely won't work when one parent is a narcissist. This is because the narcissistic parent will try to control everything about the situations that come up during the course of the child's life.
The tragic reality is that narcissists don't (and can't) love their children in the way that ordinary people do. They will tell you that they do (and most likely they will believe that they do), but their love can only be of the transactional, conditional type, even with their children.
A major way how a narcissist affects custody is by pursuing parental rights as a form of enhancing or creating a power disparity between themselves and the other parent. It is believed that many narcissists primarily want child custody not for the welfare of the kid, but for their own gratification.
Living with a narcissist may feel difficult, but it's possible to preserve your well-being with strong boundaries, a solid support network, and a therapist who's informed on narcissism. You may also find it useful to attend a National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) family support group in your area.
“Narcissistic parents beget kids with a whole host of psychological problems,” Durvasula says. These problems include higher than average rates of depression and anxiety, lack of self-regulation, eating disorders, low self-esteem, an impaired sense of self, substance abuse and perfectionism.
Request that they write a “witness statement” that outlines what they experienced and that they sign it to confirm that it's true. Witnesses may not know you well, but they're important for a court case because they provide first-hand details about how a narcissist disrespected you.
Narcissists hate being told what to do, so court ordered child support is viewed as personally insulting. They'll pay when legally threatened with embarrassing consequences like having their driver's license or passport revoked, but in their mind the money will be seen as a gift.
If your parent is so extreme on the narcissistic spectrum, that contact with them continues to be toxic for you, then no contact remains an important option to consider. In this case there is almost no possibility of emotional safety, ever.
Yes. A parent can lose custody of their child if their narcissistic traits or NPD is not managed and begins to negatively affect their children's physical or emotional well-being.
Narcissistic personality disorder affects more males than females, and it often begins in the teens or early adulthood. Some children may show traits of narcissism, but this is often typical for their age and doesn't mean they'll go on to develop narcissistic personality disorder.
While an outward show of superiority is a definite part of the narcissistic personality, a sense of superiority (or pursuit of it) is not the central factor of the disorder. The root of the disorder is actually a strict resistance to feeling vulnerable with anyone at any time.
Social learning theory holds that children are likely to grow up to be narcissistic when their parents overvalue them: when their parents see them as more special and more entitled than other children (9).
This causes a crisis of trust. And depending on how insistent the parent is, and how skilled they are at manipulation tactics, it can cause a child to question their very sanity. That, in a nutshell, is the gaslighting effect. Covert narcissists gaslight their children in many ways.
Narcissistic parents often view their children as an extension of themselves and try to control or manipulate them into being who they want them to be. The level of manipulation, brainwashing, demoralizing, and self-esteem destruction that a narcissistic parent inflicts upon a child is sadistic.