The habit of being self-critical often starts in childhood. A child with ADHD sees his parents' and teachers' displeasure with him, and he doesn't feel good enough. The child spends his early years trying to please, and, independent of others' opinions, begins judging himself harshly.
Try to think of it as a learning experience — and give yourself a pat on the back. Most people with ADHD are hard on themselves. I was discussing this common challenge with a client, and we coined the term SCDD (Self-Compassion Deficit Disorder).
Feeling Bad About Oneself
People with ADHD are accused, directly or through implication, of being lazy or willfully disobedient—as if they set out to fail. It's hard not to feel bad about yourself. In fact, one expert believes that “low self-esteem” should be one of the criteria for diagnosing ADHD in adults.
Shame, inadequacy, doubt, and failure — common themes in the narratives of adults with ADHD — are consequences of these labels. These labels, oddly enough, appear just as we are learning that we are also creative, spontaneous, fun, dynamic, perceptive, and so on. But it's the critical messages that take hold.
Many people with ADHD have trouble putting themselves first, thinking they need to take care of others in their lives before focusing on themselves. That may be caused by a feeling that you're not deserving of self-care, or that you think you don't have time.
Self-centered behavior is common with ADHD.
Because of this, they are not able to access other people's needs or desires, making interaction difficult. One sign of this is interrupting during a conversation or butting in on conversations they were not a part of.
Individuals with ADHD who prefer solitude are often misunderstood, as they are frequently perceived as being antisocial or unfriendly. However, solitude can provide a unique opportunity for individuals with ADHD to recharge their batteries, process information, and manage their symptoms.
Self-compassion involves acknowledging emotions, thoughts and situations as they are—accepting the emotions and thoughts in the moment, and practicing acceptance and self-care. Resilient management of ADHD symptoms includes being patient with missteps, and gentle with yourself as you assess how to move forward.
The most common challenge for children with ADHD is that they often have the ability to understand what they need to do and how, but struggling to actually following through on tasks. In addition, another common struggle for children with ADHD that typically goes unnoticed is a lack of self-awareness.
Some adults who have ADHD don't know they have it. These adults may feel it is impossible to get organized, stick to a job, or remember to keep appointments.
When Your Partner Feels Unloved. If you forget things that are important to your partner or don't pay attention to their needs, they may feel like you don't care. "This is very common in ADHD-impacted relationships," says Ned Hallowell, MD, a psychiatrist and international speaker on ADHD.
In one study, researchers found that people with self-reported ADHD symptoms earned lower scores for affective empathy compared to other participants. However, they were still within the range of what's considered typical for empathy levels overall.
ADHD brains typically expect the worst, and stressful times and situations just further encourage and validate this negative thinking.
It is often characterized by feelings of overwhelming fatigue, reduced productivity, and a sense of hopelessness or despair. Those experiencing ADHD burnout may find it even more challenging than usual to initiate and complete tasks, maintain focus and attention, and regulate their emotions.
Falling in love can be an emotional roller coaster for most teens. But for teenagers with ADHD, symptoms like impulsivity or trouble managing emotions can make falling in love or starting a relationship an even bumpier ride. That said, not all kids with ADHD struggle in the same way, or to the same degree.
Mood swings are common in people with ADHD. People with this disorder can be hypersensitive, too. That means sensations, like touch, that may feel normal to another person can feel too intense for someone with ADHD.
When people with ADHD are activated, they are often plagued by self-sabotaging, negative internal talk that prevents them from believing they can do things. It can be conscious or unconscious and can keep folks from setting, working towards, and reaching goals. It holds them back from doing what they want to do.
Most people with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder tend to overshare things that might be inappropriate for everyone, especially when conversing with people we don't know. Our lack of impulse control may make us forget to keep confidential information and talk personally to those we have just met.
Be on the lookout for nonverbal clues.
These include body language, such as moving away from you, cutting conversations short, or crossing their arms or legs. Also note facial expressions, such as red faces, scowls, tight lips, or hurt or angry eyes.
Additionally, low self-esteem arises as one of the emotional symptoms of ADHD. Low self-esteem can appear similar to insecurity and oftentimes they occur together. While insecurity often occurs with someone not know their role, low self-esteem might come across as someone not knowing themselves at all.
Below are some simple steps to help anyone with ADHD cultivate self-acceptance and self-love: Be a gentle observer. Pay attention in your daily life to how your ADHD impacts you in both challenging and helpful ways. Try to use non-judgmental language to help you observe yourself, your struggles, and your successes.
While extroverted traits like these are part of the ADHD experience for some people, they're not everyone's experience. In fact, many people with ADHD identify with introverted traits. Whether that's needing time alone to recharge, spending lots of time in their own head or feeling overwhelmed by external stimuli.
ADHD is mentally, emotionally, and physically draining. And chances are you don't make recuperation a top priority — few of us do. Which is a problem, because no one else is going to make your health a priority unless you do. Get started today with these essential self-preservation strategies.
The ADHD thought process is not so completely unfamiliar as to be unrecognizable, but people with ADHD might encounter some complications in their thinking. For example, someone with ADHD can be aware of some task, like a research paper. If you ask them when it's due, they may even know the calendar date.