Psychologists say that people start being mean to other people when they are angry, sad or hurt or when they were treated poorly by others. Sounds crazy – why do something to others that made you feel bad? Well, they do it because they want to get rid of that bad feeling by giving it to others.
Being mean is a product of insecure self-esteem.
Freud argued that people cope with negative views of themselves by perceiving other people as having those same traits. Researchers have discovered that threatened self-esteem drives a lot of aggression.
There are various reasons why you may feel that you're engaging in mean or rude behavior, even if they're not immediately apparent to you. For example, an underlying mental health condition, a lack of social skills, cultural differences, or low self-esteem could all be potential causes.
For most of us, hurting others causes us to feel their pain. And we don't like this feeling. This suggests two reasons people may harm the harmless – either they don't feel the others' pain or they enjoy feeling the others' pain. Another reason people harm the harmless is because they nonetheless see a threat.
It may be because of emotional baggage, the desire to assert control or independence, to test boundaries, or simply, because people may just expect a lot from the other. Some may have a fear of intimacy, due to cultural upbringing, or because of living through traumatic or abusive relationships.
Or we can say, “it is not about the insecurities; it is about the insecurities of having insecurities.” So, mean people are not just people who are insecure. They are people who refuse to accept the responsibility for handling their own insecurities in healthy ways and healing their wounds like grown-ups.
The best way to avoid rude people is to meet their acts of rudeness with kindness and then remove yourself from their presence. If you can't do this and can't walk away, try grey rocking, which involves acting as unresponsive as possible like avoiding eye contact or not showing emotions when conversing.
There can be many root causes for rudeness, such as insecurity or fear. People are often rude after being on the receiving end of rudeness. Researchers have found that “just like the common cold, common negative behaviors can spread easily and have significant consequences.” In other words… Rude is contagious!
Cultural, generational, and gender biases, and current events influencing mood, attitude, and actions, also contribute to disrespectful behavior. Practitioner impairment, including substance abuse, mental illness, or personality disorder, is often at the root of highly disruptive behavior.
Paranoia. This is an accumulation of thoughts and beliefs that everyone is against you. Paranoia can be a disorder in itself, but it's also a symptom of other mood or personality disorders.
They may simply be so self-absorbed that they are unaware of others, motivated to meet their own needs, and just oblivious even when it is at the expense of others. They may unwittingly say or do something hurtful, push their way in front of others, or disregard normal social behavior.
If everyone is being mean to you then it could be because they hold feelings of resentment and jealousy. It could be because you intimidate them or make them feel threatened so they respond rudely to you to hide their discomfort.
Paranoid personality disorder: a pattern of being suspicious of others and seeing them as mean or spiteful. People with paranoid personality disorder often assume people will harm or deceive them and don't confide in others or become close to them.
When we take things personally, we feel offended and disrespected. Our reaction is either to defend ourself by exerting dominance or submitting passively. Either way we are provoked by someones criticism and view it as literal, personal and serious. We can make something big out of some behavior that is so little.
disrespect (n.) "want of respect or reverence, incivility," 1630s, from dis- + respect (n.).
Although experiencing rudeness can often be upsetting and stressful, it is not always completely negative. In certain circumstances, it can actually improve and strengthen relationships.
Disrespectful behavior often comes down to kids having poor problem-solving skills and a lack of knowledge about how to be more respectful as they pull away. Often when kids separate from you they do it all wrong before they learn how to do it right.
Often times we behave rudely because our emotions get the best of us. If you find yourself in a situation with your parents where you keep getting angrier and angrier, finding a way to calm down, collect your thoughts, and keep yourself from losing control is critical.
Stay calm.
Confronting the person won't work if you're angry and aggressive. If you feel upset or frazzled by a rude comment the person said to you, take a few deep breaths before approaching them. The more flustered you look, the less they will listen to what you have to say.
If you are the rude one, people may refuse to make eye contact with you during interactions, or cross their arms when they speak with you. Experts say that crossing of arms is a classic sign a person is anxious and closed-off in a conversation.
“Some of the most common insecurities and relationships include emotional insecurity, attachment insecurity, physical insecurity, financial insecurity, professional insecurity, and social insecurity,” explains LaTonya P.