Being secretive and private, allows the narcissist to remain 3 steps ahead of others, and catch them out by surprise when the narcissist does decide its time to make their move. Being secretive and private, allows the narcissist to plan the next “big adventure”, without anyone suspecting a thing.
Readily revealing themselves while in the midst of familiar, grandiose states of mind, narcissists tend to hide what they consider shameful signs of weakness, deficiency, or failure.
Narcissists take everything so personally because underneath their grandiose bravado lurks profound self-loathing—they need to be shored up by constant external praise. Their fuel is admiration, and they need you to reflect their magnificence because they truly don't feel it themselves.
Many narcissists try to put up a false self to conceal their authentic self. They are hypersensitive to insults and setbacks. They often feel humiliated and react with anger and rage or depression. They are frequently ashamed of themselves and try to hide their perceived flaws and imperfections.
Narcissists are very secretive. They truly enjoy hiding the truth from others because it gives them a sense of superiority. Internally they think and feel one thing while externally they are trying to convince you of the exact opposite.
It is easy to be tricked by the covert narcissist because unlike the classic narcissist that many of us have learned to recognize with their charm, flash, attention-seeking ostentatious presentation, the covert narcissist is stealth. These people tend to be more introverted and subtle, so they can be easy to miss.
They Have Grandiose Fantasies
On the outside, a person with covert narcissism will seem quiet, meek, and self-critical. However, on the inside, they feel an intense sense of specialness. Despite their jealousy, envy, and apparent shyness, covert narcissists will believe they are better than everyone else.
When the NPD lies, he or she is trying to make themselves appear dominant. They lie for self-gain believing that telling mistruths makes them look smarter than the other person. Having a victim at their side who they can lie to provides them with a constant narcissistic supply, someone that fuels their sickness.
Often, a narcissist will retaliate by ignoring you. This is a means to punish you for puncturing their delusions. They're also avoiding you because a narcissist's sense of self is too unstable to resolve conflict. They are putting you in a position to make you desperate for their approval.
This point is taken from Malkin's book, Rethinking Narcissism, in which he describes the narcissist's “stealth control” as one red flag. In the early stages of a relationship, he may simply change up plans you've already made, substituting something else which he bills as “better” or more fun or glamorous.
Although they quickly impose rules on others, most narcissists believe they don't apply to them. Unfortunately, budgets are among the many rules that fall under this category. If your partner is narcissistic, they spend extravagantly on themselves and regularly blow your joint budget.
The cause is likely complex. Narcissistic personality disorder may be linked to: Environment — parent-child relationships with either too much adoration or too much criticism that don't match the child's actual experiences and achievements. Genetics — inherited characteristics, such as certain personality traits.
Narcissists all follow the same patterns — here are some of the most common phrases they use to manipulate you. Narcissists often follow the same pattern in relationships: idealize, devalue, discard.
In addition to comparison voices, narcissists may simply have thoughts about needing to be special or wanting extra attention or praise: They're wasting their time on those other people.
This true self is the feeling self, but for the narcissist the feeling self must be hidden and denied. Since the superficial self represents submission and conformity, the inner or true self is rebellious and angry.
It is because of this that they may find it difficult to understand other people's feelings or perspectives, a self-centredness that can cause them to act selfishly and exploit others for their own gain. “As narcissists do not have empathy, they are not able to genuinely care or love you,” explains Davey.
The narcissist initially stares at you so that they can see what you enjoy. They are very much in tune to you and your interests because they need this information to be effective in their love bombing. They stare at you to fully understand what makes you happy.
When a narcissist ignores needs in a relationship, they do this to deliberately to set up their future self with a source of supply. Ignoring you means they win. Narcissists enjoy that you wish to discuss things with them. The greater your reaction to their obtuse behavior, the greater the supply for them.
Narcissists may use the silent treatment to communicate they are unhappy with you, to control you, or as a form of punishment. If the narcissist uses the silent treatment to deflect responsibility for something they have done wrong, it can also be a form of narcissistic gaslighting.
Low self-worth/confidence/esteem is at the core of a narcissism. This low sense of self naturally makes it extremely easy for them to become jealous – very jealous. And not just about anyone potentially interested in you romantically, but anyone or anything that can take the focus off of them.
Habitual Non-Listening
The narcissist knows best, after all, so why bother listening to what others have to say? Ever spoken with someone who responded dismissively to everything you said? Narcissists brush aside or deprecate what others say instead of truly listening.
Put Your Needs First. Narcissists make others feel guilty about being happy because they expect everyone to put the narcissist's happiness first. If you're not constantly praising them or accepting their criticisms that make them feel superior, they won't be satisfied.
Use Self-Deprecating Tactics
Among many other things covert narcissists do, a hallmark of their eccentricity is using false humility or self-deprecating comments to garner people's attention and seek validation. They trivialize their skills and accomplishments, so people reassure them or shower them with praise.