Traditional etiquette dictates that the maid of honor—not the mother of the bride—should host the shower.
The Traditional Bridal Shower Host
The maid of honor isn't the only option, however. Anyone who is close to the bride—including her mother, sister, cousin, grandma, or future mother-in-law—can host. It used to be that immediate family members were never named as official hosts.
The Mother of the Groom Can Co-Host the Bridal Shower
If the mother of the groom is very close with the bride, then she may feel as though it's her duty to pitch in, too. If your mom, sister, or friends are on board with the idea of a co-host, then this is an entirely acceptable route.
Bridal showers aren't required, so if you're not interested, here's how to spread the word. Not every to-be-wed wants a bridal shower, and that's totally their call. While saying "no" to having a bridal shower should be simple in theory, declining a friend or family member's offer to throw you one can be tricky.
Just because you are the bride's aunt, you are not expected or required to pay for a bridal shower unless it's a tradition in your family. It is certainly appropriate for an aunt to host a bridal shower, but not required.
If you are having a traditional bridal shower, it's conventional to invite women from both sides of the family (grandmothers, cousins, siblings, etc.) However, every family is different, so consider your relationship first and make sure you are inviting only those with whom you actually want to celebrate.
Many bridal showers include female friends and relatives like aunts, grandmas, the bride's mother, and the mother of the groom. This is because brides generally don't want their older relatives included in their bachelorette party, but of course, that's up to you.
With that being said, our experience shows us that the average number of guests at a bridal shower is about 25, with 20-30 being the average range. Ultimately, it's up to the bride and bridal shower host to make the final decision.
A wedding shower is a more modern and inclusive take on the time-honored shower for the bride. Wedding showers are also more appropriate for same-sex marriages where there is no traditional "bride." The bridal shower is traditionally hosted by the maid of honor.
Most bridal showers are usually held three weeks to three months before the wedding. The trick is not to plan it too far in advance or too close to the wedding date.
ATTEND THE BRIDAL SHOWER
You can offer to help with menu planning, decorations, or contribute to the shower without being named on the bridal-shower invitation.
Standard etiquette dictates the person hosting the shower would be the one who pays for it. However, if multiple people are hosting the shower (or if multiple people want to contribute to the event), that's absolutely fine too.
Traditionally, the groom's mother will take care of the rehearsal dinner arrangements and help prepare the guest list for the groom's side of the family. Both tasks should be done with both the bride and the groom's input. Any other responsibilities can be negotiated among the families.
Who pays? Today it's the maid of honor and bridal party or the bride or groom's mother who throws the bridal shower. Typically, whoever throws the event is the one must cover the costs. Often, the maid of honor and her fellow bridesmaids throw the bridal shower and pay for it, and the mother of the bride contributes.
Most bridal shower guests spend time mingling, eating, playing games, and honoring the bride-to-be. As a guest, you'll want to remember the celebration is all about the bride and her special day ahead, so most activities during the day will reflect this.
Weichelt says bridal showers should ideally last between two and four hours. Anything shorter and guests will feel like they didn't have a chance to spend time with the bride; anything longer and they'll be itching to head home. Three hours might just be the sweet spot, then.
Yes, if you are invited to a shower in addition to the wedding, you're expected to bring a gift to the shower as well as send a wedding gift. You shouldn't spend more than you're comfortable with, however (see the next answer), and can split your budget between both gifts.
However, you'll need to spend more at a bridal shower if you want guests to have the best experience. A budget of $30 to $100 per person is reasonable. This would make the average cost of catering for thirty-five guests around $1050-$3500, or $1500-$5000 for fifty guests.
"Many people spend around $50 to $75, whereas closer friends and family may spend upwards of $100," she says. "However, the amount you want to spend is up to you."
The standard amount to spend on a bridal shower gift is around $50-$75. If you're invited to a bridal shower but not particularly close with the bride, expect to spend at least $25. Regular friends, co-workers, or distant family members should consider spending up to $75 if they have the budget to spare.
And we're here to tell you there's nothing tacky about loved ones hosting a shower. Anyone who's close to the bride, including her mother, sister, aunt, cousin, even her grandma, can host.
Traditionally, the Bridal Shower was not to be hosted by the Mother, Sister or Mother-in-Law or other close relatives though today it is much more common to see one of these family members host. Quite often the Maid of Honor or even another close friend hosts alone or with the Bridesmaids.
“Wearing a longer-style formal gown in a soft or classical color is encouraged so as not to upstage the bride,” Alsulaiman adds.