Women are significantly more likely to initiate divorce, often citing unmet emotional needs, unequal domestic labor, communication breakdown, infidelity, and abuse, while men may stay longer but often don't know why the marriage ended, according to decades of research on heterosexual marriages. This pattern holds across cultures, though reasons vary, with women often taking on greater emotional burdens and expecting more from partnerships.
In fact, nearly 70 percent of divorces are initiated by women. This is according to a 2015 research study conducted by the American Sociological Association (ASA) which suggests two-thirds of all divorces are initiated by women.
While many factors contribute, many experts point to poor communication (especially criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling) and a breakdown in emotional connection/trust, often stemming from dishonesty or disrespect, as the #1 things that destroy marriages, eroding intimacy and making partners feel unheard and unloved over time. Infidelity, financial stress, and shifting priorities (like putting family/in-laws above spouse) are also major contributors that feed these core issues.
Women initiate the majority of divorces, with studies showing they file in around 70% of cases, a rate that increases to about 90% for college-educated women, according to research from the American Sociological Association (ASA). This trend highlights that women often bear the emotional burden, experience unmet needs, and have greater financial independence, making them more likely to seek divorce when dissatisfied with the relationship.
Contempt. Of all the predictive factors, contempt is the most prominent one. Based on extensive research, Dr Gottman names the 'Four Horsemen' or four communication habits that are the best predictors of divorce.
The 7-7-7 rule is a structured method for couples to regularly reconnect, involving a date night every 7 days, a weekend getaway every 7 weeks, and a kid-free vacation every 7 months.
The four behaviors that predict over 90% of divorces, known as Dr. John Gottman's "Four Horsemen," are Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling, which erode connection, respect, and safety, leading to relationship breakdown. These destructive communication patterns, if persistent, signal that a marriage is likely to end, with contempt being the most damaging.
Lack of commitment is the most common reason given by divorcing couples according to a recent national survey. Here are the reasons given and their percentages: Lack of commitment 73% Argue too much 56% Infidelity 55%
The 80/80 Marriage pushes couples beyond the limited idea of “fairness” toward a new model grounded on radical generosity and shared success, one that calls for each partner to contribute 80 percent to build the strongest possible relationship.
Divorcing spouses often choose divorce mediation to craft an agreement outside of court. The parties then file that settlement agreement with the family law court. Family law attorneys and mediators can help with the filing process. A judge will review the agreement for fairness and issue a divorce decree.
The 5-5-5 rule in marriage refers to two main communication techniques: one where couples spend 5 minutes each speaking and 5 minutes dialoguing (5-5-5), and another where a person asks if an issue will matter in 5 minutes, 5 days, and 5 years to gain perspective. Both methods aim to de-escalate conflict, encourage active listening, and focus on long-term understanding rather than immediate reactions, fostering healthier communication and connection.
Gottman studied more than 2,000 married couples over two decades and found four attitudes that most predict the dissolution of a relationship, especially in combination. They are criticism, defensiveness, contempt and stonewalling — the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
The Three A's – Adultery, Abuse, and Addiction
Therapists would love for every marriage to be able to be saved, but that just simply isn't realistic. Every marriage therapist knows when a couple comes into their office and are dealing with one of what we call, The Three A's …
But it does provide some rough guidelines as to how soon may be too soon to make long-term commitments and how long may be too long to stick with a relationship. Each of the three numbers—three, six, and nine—stands for the month that a different common stage of a relationship tends to end.
Men Are More Emotionally Dependent on Their Partner
That means: Even in unhappy marriages, men may stay because leaving feels emotionally riskier. Women, having other outlets, may find it easier to walk away if the relationship isn't working.
These top issues that married couples face are financial struggles, parenting conflict, and family drama. These 3 issues seem to be the normal issues presented in therapy and they are very common in my practice today.
The 2-2-2 rule for marriage is a guideline to keep a relationship strong and connected: have a date night every two weeks, a weekend getaway every two months, and a week-long vacation every two years. This system encourages regular, intentional quality time, breaks from routine, and deeper connection by ensuring couples prioritize each other amidst daily life, work, and family, preventing stagnation and fostering fun.
These are not the only important qualities, but they are part of what can build a sturdy relationship. Take them in the spirit in which they are offered—as a a lens to think about your own relationship. This blog is part of a series on the five Cs: Chemistry, Commonality, Constructive Conflict, Courtesy and Commitment.
The family law attorneys at York Law believe that the following warning signs may suggest a marriage is over:
The 3 C's of divorce are typically Communication, Compromise, and Cooperation, principles that help divorcing couples, especially those with children, navigate the process more smoothly by focusing on respectful dialogue, finding middle grounds, and working together for the children's well-being. Applying these fosters less conflict and better outcomes, prioritizing the children's welfare over past grievances.
The biggest divorce mistake is often letting emotions control decisions, leading to impulsive actions, but failing to seek early legal and financial advice is equally critical, as it can severely jeopardize your long-term financial security and rights, especially regarding property division and child custody. Other major errors include hiding assets, not focusing on children's needs, and using the process for revenge rather than resolution.
As its introduction notes, “prior studies have shown that female and male couples have a higher divorce risk than different-sex couples, with the highest divorce risk among female couples across countries such as Sweden, Norway, Denmark, the United States, and Canada.”
Once upon a time when divorce was rare, most people were driven to it by what I call The Three A's– affairs, addictions or abuse. Divorce meant that someone was chronically cheating, repeatedly intoxicated, or physically violent.
Ridicule: Researchers said that ridicule is the top indicator of a marriage that may be on the rocks. It is important for spouses to respect each other. When one spouse ridicules the other spouse, it suggests a lack of respect for the other person.
Four Habits That Destroy Marriages