People with overt narcissism tend to display a high level of self-esteem and extraversion, while those with covert narcissism tend to have a lower sense of self-esteem which may result in defensiveness, feelings of insecurity and self-consciousness.
The overt narcissist is more obvious and you can better protect yourself; whereas, the covert narcissist is more passive in their control and manipulation. The covert narcissist can be more difficult to spot because they aren't loud and, in your face, and this might make them worse.
A monumental weakness in the narcissist is the failure to look internally and flesh out what needs to be worked on. Then, of course, the next step is to spend time improving. The narcissist sabotages any possibility of looking deep within.
While overt narcissists believe they're the best and brag about their achievements, covert narcissists have terrible self-esteem. They're so insecure that they're constantly comparing themselves to others, which leads to extreme feelings of inadequacy as well as severe social anxiety.
As with many things, a covert narcissist is a little different. They also are hurt by indifference; however, they are hurt most by being a mirror for them, reflecting to them the truth of who they are. The covert narcissist needs to see themselves as the person they want to be, their idealized self.
Although narcissists act superior, entitled and boastful, underneath their larger-than-life facade lies their greatest fear: That they are ordinary. For narcissists, attention is like oxygen. Narcissists believe only special people get attention.
Grooming a person, manipulating her into doubting her feelings, generating shame regarding her best qualities, and manipulatively creating dependency are four ways a narcissist destroys a person from the inside out.
People with covert narcissism are likely to experience depression, anxiety, and symptoms of other personality disorders, such as borderline personality disorder.
Unlike fine wine or cheese, narcissists don't get better with age. They don't mellow, become wise, or develop late-onset self-awareness. Their personalities intensify, and without their ability to control others, they become bitter, defensive, and bossy.
Covert narcissists may be more likely to engage in aggressive behaviors because of their tendency to interiorize their pain and resentment. This could lead them to act out suddenly and unexpectedly in some situations.
Instead of engaging with people like the overt narcissist, the covert narcissist chooses to be alone because no one can live up to their high expectations.
The narcissist often engages in self-defeating and self-destructive behaviours.
As predicted, overt narcissists reported greater happiness and higher self-esteem, whereas covert narcissists reported diminished happiness and lower self-esteem. These results are consistent with the notion that overt narcissists enjoy some psychological benefits that covert narcissists do not enjoy.
Malignant narcissism is a psychological syndrome comprising an extreme mix of narcissism, antisocial behavior, aggression, and sadism.
Type As can also be dangerous to narcissists
Although they can be targeted, type A people can also become a narcissist's worst nightmare. One of the most important defenses against dark personalities is having strong boundaries yourself, and type A people are usually aware they have the right to build them.
The tragic reality is that narcissists don't (and can't) love their children in the way that ordinary people do. They will tell you that they do (and most likely they will believe that they do), but their love can only be of the transactional, conditional type, even with their children.
Narcissists are motivated by feeling superior and expanding their power, and so the only things that matter when helping others are receiving adulation, fame, influence, opportunities, notoriety, and other resources. They dont actually care about others because to them other people are just things to use.
Traits of a covert narcissist
The covert narcissist might seem unsure of themselves, depressed, and even unhappy with their lives, explains Kriesberg. “She says she doesn't want to be a burden, yet demands a great deal of your time and energy. She is envious of others, and feels she has gotten a bad deal in life.
Many covert narcissists are highly intelligent and have a great deal of emotional intelligence. They are often successful in their chosen field because they are able to use their manipulative skills to get what they want.
Wives of covert narcissist husbands often end up feeling “done to” before these same wives gradually withdraw sexually. He'll then resent you for your lack of sexual interest, despite his showing no genuine interest. Your “disinterest” in “pleasing him sexually” is a constant insult he must endure.
Once challenged, or worse, exposed for the fraud they might be, a narcissist can really fly off the handle. They regard challenging or exposure as the ultimate insult for them. It's embarrassing for others to see the truth. This sparks their rage.
While narcissism is often associated with arrogance and excessive self-love, it's caused by extreme insecurity and low self-esteem. Covert narcissism can be a result of one or more of these experiences: Childhood trauma or abuse: Traumatic experiences in childhood are a common cause of covert narcissism.
Overt vs. Covert Narcissists
So do covert narcissists know what they are doing? While they may be aware on some level that their behaviors have a negative impact on other people, narcissists also tend to lack self-awareness and insight.