Avoidant, anxious, and disorganized are considered insecure attachment styles.
Known as disorganized attachment style in adulthood, the fearful avoidant attachment style is thought to be the most difficult. Sadly, this insecure attachment style is often seen in children that have experienced trauma or abuse.
Avoidant attachment is a form of insecure attachment. Three of the four adult attachment styles are classified as insecure.
If you grew up in a family with anxious-avoidant attachment, you might have difficulties establishing and maintain closeness. Insecure attachment is usually articulated through emotions such as fear of rejection and dependence on another person for their identity.
Insecure–resistant attachment is characterized by the young child who can signal his distress but has great difficulty getting effective comfort from the caregiver.
Ambivalent attachment is a form of insecure attachment characterized by inconsistent responses of the caregivers and by the child's feelings of anxiety and preoccupation about the caregiver's availability.
Anxiously attached people tend to be overly preoccupied with their partners and whether they love them back, while avoidants equate intimacy with a loss of independence and deploy distancing strategies. (You can find out your type by doing the quiz at AttachedTheBook.com – if it is not immediately obvious.)
The insecure anxious partner and insecure avoidant partner will be attracted to the securely attached partner because the insecure partners really desire and instinctively seek a reliable, consistent, caring and dependable partner.
AVOIDANT ATTACHMENT RELATIONSHIP PATTERNS
Despite longing for closeness, however, they will resist emotional intimacy and won't show any signs of needing it. People with an avoidant attachment style can come across as selfish, appearing to put their own needs in front of their partner's needs.
Avoidant people may not realize how much their communication is avoidant as they may consciously want to have a companion.
Dismissive avoidant attachment is an attachment style that usually presents as emotionally-distanced and highly self-reliant.
People with avoidant personality disorder have chronic feelings of inadequacy and are highly sensitive to being negatively judged by others. Though they would like to interact with others, they tend to avoid social interaction due to the intense fear of being rejected by others.
Some studies showed that differences in attachment styles seem to influence both the frequency and the patterns of jealousy expression: individuals with the preoccupied or fearful-avoidant attachment styles more often become jealous and consider rivals as more threatening than those with the secure attachment style [9, ...
In truth, the disorganized attachment style is considered to be the most difficult form of insecure attachment to manage – disorganized adults strongly desire love and acceptance but simultaneously fear that those closest to them will hurt them.
Avoidant partners tend to talk more about independence rather than closeness, freedom rather than intimacy, and self-reliance rather than interdependence. They fear clingy people or being seen as clingy themselves.
Love Avoidants recognize and are attracted to the Love Addict's strong fear of being left because Love Avoidants know that all they have to do to trigger their partner's fear is threaten to leave.
After intimacy deepens, the avoidant partner loses interest in being sexual, in hugging, kissing, and perhaps even holding hands. Some avoidant partners will seem to actively limit physical proximity, such as sitting closely together on a couch where contact may be possible.
In line with their desire for complete independence, many people with an avoidant attachment style also feel greatly triggered when a partner becomes too reliant on them. Especially if this leads to more demands for their time and attention. Having to focus on others can feel like a burden.
On the other hand, people with an avoidant attachment may be attracted to anxious partners because their pursuit and need for closeness reinforce the avoidant person's need for independence and self-reliance. Anxious and avoidant partners may also seek their partner's traits due to wanting those traits in themselves.
Three signs that a person has insecure attachment include the inability to engage in intimacy, struggling to form healthy relationships with others, and unpredictable or inconsistent behavior with loved ones.
Avoidant partners tend to create distance and have trouble with communication in romantic relationships. This can make their partners feel frustrated, hurt, confused, or abandoned. Relationships of any kind take work and compromise — and having an avoidant partner can bring a specific set of challenges.