The first step toward self-love is to ask yourself: What is the good within me? We tend to dwell on what we do not like about ourselves rather than notice the many good qualities that we exhibit in our lives every day.
Finally, to practice self-love, start by being kind, patient, gentle and compassionate to yourself, the way you would with someone else that you care about. - Written by Jeffrey Borenstein, M.D., President & CEO of the Brain & Behavior Research Foundation.
There are 5 main stages of self-love. The stages include: Beginner Self; Self-Awareness; Self-Commitment; Self-Devotion; Self-Acceptance.
This cocktail of hormones released during each phase can influence the way that we think and behave and can have a positive effect on our well-being. The three stages include lust, attraction and attachment. The first phase of falling in love is the lust or the desire phase.
Growing up with not enough acceptance and too much shame, we may cling to our shortcomings, past failures, and poor decisions. We minimize the good things about ourselves and our positive qualities. Scientists tell us that our brain has a negativity bias.
It can be because of the actions of those around you, because of a traumatic event in your life, because you lacked a good example of self-love, or simply because of a way of thinking that you innately practice.
Most people tend to think of true love as an emotion that focuses on other people. But self-love is so important and just as crucial to living a happy and fulfilled life. The trick, however, is to know how to love yourself FIRST, before friends and family, and everyone else.
Challenging and reversing irrational beliefs about yourself takes time, effort, discipline, and practice. The process of building self-esteem can take years for some people. That's completely normal. So don't be disheartened if you struggle in this process and fall back into negative ways of thinking along the way.
Self-love means that you accept yourself fully, treat yourself with kindness and respect, and nurture your growth and wellbeing. Self-love encompasses not only how you treat yourself but also your thoughts and feelings about yourself.
Philia – friend bond
He describes friendship as "the least biological, organic, instinctive, gregarious and necessary...the least natural of loves".
We all give and receive love in 5 different ways: words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch. These are called 'love languages' - a concept created by Dr. Gary Chapman through his long-time work as a marriage counsellor.
Agape (universal love)
It's the love you feel for all living things without question, that you extend knowingly without expectations for anything in return. It's a very pure and conscious love. It's similar to what we sometimes refer to as unconditional love.
Be kind and gentle on yourself
We often have higher expectations and standards of ourselves than we do of others. But if you want to love yourself more – then accept you're not perfect, and life will be a lot easier. Perfectionism is a scourge and one to be avoided or downgraded.
But when it comes to self-love, it can often feel more challenging, more conscious and less automatic. It is hard work. It looks like constantly speaking against our inner-critic and trying our best to unlearn the countless unhelpful messages we've received.
Basically, you don't need other people to help you feel good about yourself. You believe that you are good enough and can stand on your own two feet. You don't need validation from others and have stopped worrying about what other people think about you. You don't compete or compare yourself with others.
Self-acceptance doesn't come naturally to all of us. If you've been exposed to messages that say you're unworthy or inferior, you might find it harder to accept every aspect of yourself. However, it's possible to nurture your self-acceptance and learn to meet yourself with compassion and care.