When the scapegoat fights back. It may take some time for the scapegoat child or adult to realize that they were humiliated for no reason. But once they do so, they need to fight back. The scapegoat sons and daughters of narcissistic parents must learn to re-parent themselves.
Substance use and other addictive behaviors: Scapegoats often try to escape their pain in various ways. They may turn to certain vices like drugs or alcohol to numb their feelings. Likewise, because they've often been told they're “bad” or “useless,” they may assume they're doomed to addictive behavior.
When a scapegoat leaves their family of origin they are going to experience a lot of invalidation, devaluation, dehumanization, and chaos that is designed to manipulate them back into the abuse cycle and remain a repository for the family's negative emotions.
One of the greatest challenges faced by adult survivors of family scapegoating abuse (FSA) is the tendency to ruminate over past painful incidents with family or be consumed by feelings of low self-worth, shame, anger, or grief.
They learn to prioritize self-love, self-care, and resilience as they build a new life based on their own values and aspirations. With time, the scapegoat gains a sense of freedom that comes from breaking free from the dysfunctional dynamics of the narcissistic family system.
More specifically: Scapegoated adults often feel debilitated by self-doubt and 'imposter syndrome' in their relationships and in the work-place, and blame themselves for their difficulties.
The narcissist charms everyone around them. They manipulate others to support their distorted version of reality. All the while, they enjoy the feeling of power they get from making the scapegoat suffer. The narcissist is driven by envy, jealousy and a lack of empathy.
Healing from shame requires a high level of awareness when the Inner Scapegoat has been activated – challenging negative and self-punitive beliefs, and truthfully reframing victimizing experiences. Scapegoats must consistently stand up to the idea that they are bad or unlovable. This will likely take a lot of practice.
People who scapegoat others have certain particular traits; theseinclude a sense of superiority and pride, a large ego which needs maintaining, feelings of entitlement and grandiosity, limited personal self-reflection,poor character, self-righteousness, and hypocrisy. Did I mention arrogance?
Scapegoating is a practice commonly employed by people who display traits of narcissism, often taking the form of bullying. In cases like these, the person may be even more aggressive about the behavior in an attempt to make the other person feel small or powerless.
A scapegoated child may feel isolated to the point that they do not know how to bring attention to the pain they are feeling. In these cases, self-harm or self-sabotaging behaviors could help to draw attention to their suffering.
For individuals, scapegoating is a psychological defense mechanism of denial through projecting responsibility and blame on others. [2] It allows the perpetrator to eliminate negative feelings about him or herself and provides a sense of gratification.
Studies have shown that the scapegoat does better in life than the “golden child”. Because they have had to fend for themselves most of their life, and haven't been spoiled like the golden child has. The scapegoat is forced to be more independent, and think for themselves, and be stronger.
Effects of Being a Scapegoat
Trauma: Being deprived of a family's love, singled out as the “bad one” in the household, and having one's positive attributes overlooked can set up a child for a lifetime of emotional and psychological distress, where they struggle believing they are good, worthy, competent, or likable.
More often than not, the scapegoat is the person perceived to be the most vulnerable in the family or group. Now, this has nothing to do with physical strength. This is all about mental and emotional duress.
They relocate their bad feelings into the scapegoat child and exaggerate their own good feelings. This results in devaluing that child while requiring excessive admiration and obedience. A scapegoat child's growth threatens the narcissistic parent's fragile and inflated self-worth.
Of the child roles in the narcissistic family, the entitled and enmeshed golden child is probably most likely to develop a narcissistic personality. However, being scapegoated can also lead to narcissism, particularly the covert form.
Golden Child is on a Perpetual Mission
In order for the GC to have high status within the family structure, they must keep the 'bad' one bad. No matter how good the scapegoat is, it will never be honored, shared, congratulated authentically, and they will never be treated favorably – even as they become adults.
For example, a woman who has just had a fight with her boyfriend may kick her dog for minor misbehavior when she comes home. The dog, in this instance, becomes the scapegoat and pays the price for the fight she had with her boyfriend.
Often, the reasons why family members choose you as a scapegoat have nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. So, focus on self-care and positive affirmations. Take time away from them if needed and practice positive self-talk each day, such as: “I will not be a victim of unfair blame.”
Key points. Scapegoating is a common form of parental verbal abuse. Research shows that scapegoating allows a parent to think of the family as healthier than it is. Scapegoating lets a parent minimize responsibility for and explain negative outcomes, enhancing a sense of control.
Many scapegoats are innocent, but a scapegoat doesn't have to be innocent to make an effective scapegoat. And Bonds hits one high. A scapegoat can be guilty and still provide that same catharsis to the people.
Narcissists' Greatest Fear
To narcissists, ordinary people (i.e., nearly everybody around them) aren't worthy of attention, so being ordinary would leave them unworthy of the spotlight and left to suffocate. Narcissists also need to feel special and superior to others.
Although the strengths of the narcissistic family scapegoat make her/him a target, they are also her/his salvation. Scapegoats' ability to see and question, along with their desire for justice, enable them to escape the family tyranny when others cannot.