Narcissists fear feeling shame They will experience a stress response that perceives the idea of divorce as a threat to themselves. It catalyzes an instinctual reaction — likely of trying to take control, usually by denying their partner the option to divorce them.
Narcissists are notoriously difficult to divorce. They often use their partner's emotional needs against them, dragging out the process for as long as possible. This is because they are dependent on the “narcissistic supply” to feel good about themselves.
Because narcissists refuse to take responsibility for their own conduct, they often struggle to accept a spouse's decision to seek a divorce, no matter how justified the decision.
Narcissists tend to put up a strong fight and view divorce as a competition they must win. This adversarial attitude can result in bullying, exploitative behavior, and a refusal to negotiate rationally.
For most of us it's the memories which keep us attached to someone and unable to move on. The narcissist doesn't have this problem. Their brain hasn't stored those memories in the same way so they can quickly move on without the attachment.
A narcissist will commonly try to incite guilt and shame. They may spin the narrative to blame their partner for why the relationship failed. This maintains their grandiose perception of themselves and gives them the leverage to try and convince others to empathize with them.
Some people get married to narcissists and stay with them for years, while others leave or are left after a few weeks or months. As long as the narcissist is getting their needs met by their partner or the partner does not find a way to leave, the relationship will continue.
In fact, research has shown that nearly 60% of all marriages to narcissists – male or female – end in divorce.
Narcissists can fight exclusively with only their own needs and demands in mind. Punishing you for leaving them and/or filing for divorce may be at the top of their agenda, and making life harder for you in any way possible services their need for vengeance.
The narcissist chooses to marry the person they believe they can have the most control over. This isn't meant to victim blame and to say the partner or spouse has done anything wrong. The narcissist knows that other people are caring and want to please, so they look for people that have these qualities.
Their impetus is pragmatic and their own dependency. They need their “narcissistic supply.” Their fragile ego needs constant reassurance and attention to avoid feeling their inner emptiness—like a vampire that sucks its victims' blood, and they need many.
They won't accept “no.” They hoover in an attempt to rekindle the relationship or stay friends after a breakup or divorce. A research study showed that narcissists and psychopaths tend to stay friends with their ex for selfish reasons. They try to stay in your life or seduce and convince you to return.
Silent treatment.
By giving their spouse the silent treatment, the spouse will eventually cave into the demands just to break the tension. He, who speaks first, loses. This is a more advanced method where the narcissist recreates personal historical events so they look like the sane one while the spouse looks insane.
Can a narcissist have a happy marriage? Unfortunately, the answer is almost always “no.” The photos and the couple's public behavior show one thing, while something much less appealing is going on behind the scenes.
A narcissistic partner would feel rejected when you break up with them. This can trigger them to seek more attention. They may demand attention from you even after the relationship has ended. They can go as far as promising to change themselves for you in an attempt to keep you in the relationship.
Narcissists can love, but this superficial and momentary affection serves as a way to get what they want from others. While their role as caring partners, parents, or friends may appear genuine, a lack of empathy and devotion to themselves renders narcissists unable to develop meaningful relationships.
Discard/Rejection: When the narcissist gets bored or decides the person is no longer useful enough to them, they'll often end the relationship and 'discard' the person. Sometimes, this ending is final. Other times, a narcissist will use hoovering to lure the person back into the relationship and repeat the cycle.
Once they don't need you to fuel their ego anymore, a narcissist will discard and abandon you. Also, if you decide to stand for yourself, set boundaries, and ask for reciprocity, a narcissist will discard you with no apology, empathy, or remorse.
Narcissists can feel emotional pain, but not usually in the same way as others. The emotional pain they may feel is usually related to underlying selfish needs. Underneath the displays of superiority and sense of entitlement, they often feel empty, powerless, and shameful, which they perceive as weakness.
Maintain boundaries. Narcissists will steamroll over others to get what they want, so you must be vigilant about enforcing your boundaries. Refer to court orders, don't respond immediately to texts and e-mails, and don't allow your ex to intrude on your visitation time with frequent calls and texts to your children.
Moving on after a breakup may be a coping mechanism for people with narcissistic personalities, she adds. “Often, they are seeking validation from emptiness created in their childhoods or developed from trauma,” Chawla says.
Sooner or later, they will suck their partner dry of money, enthusiasm, self-esteem, or all three, and they discard them without looking back. That's why you should never be jealous of your narcissistic ex's new partner — they haven't changed. They aren't fixed. They aren't happier with this new person.
Beware of narcissists trying to lure you back with hoovering. Breakups with narcissists don't always end the relationship. Many won't let you go, even when it's they who left the relationship, and even when they're with a new partner. They won't accept “no.”