Narcissists believe they are entitled to the admiration and attention of others. They fear abandonment due to not feeling like they are getting their “deserved” attention. This fear is so intense that narcissists will do anything to avoid it, even resorting to cruel or destructive behavior.
It's normal to fight with your significant other, but narcissists can be incredibly cruel and threatening in heated situations. This is because they cannot see you as somebody they love, and someone who has angered them at the same time.
For this reason, when the narcissist hurts you, they are unable and/or unwilling to understand how their actions negatively affect you. With this lack of empathy, the narcissist can actively engage in repeated abusive behaviors because they don't have to feel how they are making you feel.
Narcissistic injury occurs when a narcissist thinks their self-esteem or self-worth are threatened. The narcissist's false self is exposed, causing distress that leads to narcissistic rage. Narcissists are extremely sensitive individuals with very low self-esteem.
As a general rule, narcissists hurt the people that they love because they have insecure attachment styles. People with insecure attachment styles tend to sabotage their relationships, have a hard time trusting others, avoid intimacy, lack empathy, and feel threatened by anyone who tries to get close to them.
They want to see how much they can destroy you
Narcissists thrive on chaos, so they do not act out of jealousy, as that would imply they want your relationships, career, wealth, or health for themselves. Rather, they just don't want to see other people happy.
Sometimes they are unaware of being abusive to their partners, but other times they will genuinely want to cause them harm.
A monumental weakness in the narcissist is the failure to look internally and flesh out what needs to be worked on. Then, of course, the next step is to spend time improving. The narcissist sabotages any possibility of looking deep within.
Grooming a person, manipulating her into doubting her feelings, generating shame regarding her best qualities, and manipulatively creating dependency are four ways a narcissist destroys a person from the inside out.
The narcissist is able to tell right from wrong and to distinguish between good and evil. In the pursuit of his interests and causes, he sometimes chooses to act wickedly. Lacking empathy, the narcissist is rarely remorseful. Because he feels entitled, exploiting others is second nature.
At the end of a relationship, narcissists may become combative, passive-aggressive, hostile, and even more controlling. People with NPD often fail to understand other people's needs and values. They are hyper focused on their egos, but do not account for how their actions affect others.
It comes hand-in-hand with this that narcissists hate being criticised or called out. Which is exactly why there's one word in particular narcissistic people cannot stand: "no".
Rage: Narcissists are insecure and when there is a narcissistic injury to their sense of self, they will rage. This is often done with yelling and insults hurled at the victim. During these rages, the narcissist can be the most damaging in their words.
Although narcissists act superior, entitled and boastful, underneath their larger-than-life facade lies their greatest fear: That they are ordinary. For narcissists, attention is like oxygen. Narcissists believe only special people get attention.
In addition, a narcissist will never accept blame or apologize for their wrongdoings. In fact, it's likely that they'll blame you for upsetting them and causing them to lash out. If you find that you're romantically involved with someone who never cares about your wants and needs, the relationship might be toxic.
They will often deploy a variety of narcissistic relationship patterns such as manipulation, charismatic, and exploitational tactics in order to ensure that their own needs and wants are met. As a spouse, you may be the subject of their manipulation and abuse, while your partner treats everyone else positively.
A narcissistic parent will often abuse the normal parental role of guiding their children and being the primary decision maker in the child's life, becoming overly possessive and controlling. This possessiveness and excessive control disempowers the child; the parent sees the child simply as an extension of themselves.