Most people consider tight-knit families to be desirable, but there is such a thing as getting too close. Enmeshment is a trait of family dysfunction that involves poorly defined or nonexistent boundaries, unhealthy relationship patterns, and a lack of independence among family members.
They want to build strong family bonds as their kids are growing up so that they not only enjoy spending time together, but also support one another through tough challenges. But there is such a thing as being too close. When this happens, it is often referred to as enmeshment.
Enmeshment is a description of a relationship between two or more people in which personal boundaries are permeable and unclear. This often happens on an emotional level in which two people “feel” each other's emotions, or when one person becomes emotionally escalated and the other family member does as well.
Enmeshment describes family relationships that lack boundaries such that roles and expectations are confused, parents are overly and inappropriately reliant on their children for support, and children are not allowed to become emotionally independent or separate from their parents.
Triangulation or triangling is defined in the AAMFT Family Therapy Glossary as the “process that occurs when a third person is introduced into a dyadic relationship to balance either excessive intimacy, conflict, or distance and provide stability in the system” (Evert et al.
Narcissistic parents are often enmeshed in one or more of their children's lives. Enmeshed parents cross their child's boundaries by doing things like controlling their decisions, interfering in their relationships, or handling things they need to learn to do themselves.
When the roles of a mother and daughter become entangled, this is described as an enmeshed relationship. In an enmeshed relationship, a mother provides her daughter love and attention but tends to exploit the relationship, fortifying her own needs by living through her daughter.
People with enmeshment trauma struggle with guilt and may feel distress when thinking about making decisions for themselves vs. others. It is important to work through that guilt and understand where it comes from. It is likely not serving a good purpose and only keeps you trapped in a state of confusion.
This often happens on an emotional level in which two people “feel” each other's emotions, or when one person becomes emotionally escalated and the other family member does as well. A good example of this is when a teenage daughter gets anxious and depressed and her mom, in turn, gets anxious and depressed.
Enmeshment itself can be traumatic, especially when enmeshment normalizes abuse. In other cases, though, enmeshment is the byproduct of trauma. A serious illness, natural disaster, or sudden loss may cause a family to become unusually close in an attempt to protect themselves.
Being too close can make daughters rely on their mothers too much for too long. “There's a lot to be learned from setting healthy boundaries and understanding that we need to be there to listen and support, but not re-live our lives through our daughters,” Gordon says.
Children can't be too attached, they can only be not deeply attached. Attachment is meant to make our kids dependent on us so that we can lead them. It is our invitation for relationship that frees them to stop looking for love and to start focusing on growing.
And when you live close to your extended family, you may find that certain relatives abuse those boundaries by demanding too much of your time, money, or attention! Dealing with internal family politics and the uncomfortable process of telling loved ones “no” can be a significant drawback of living close to family.
Within a narcissistic family structure, the narcissistic individual dominates over other members, reigning control and influencing the roles that each family member is given. They are the person who sets the rules for the family, whether implicit or explicit.
Generally, narcissists are very frugal with their money and defensive with it. When it comes to their possessions, they don't give them freely. There is, however, more to this greed than self-preservation. Due to their lack of empathy, narcissists may not understand the benefits of sharing their resources.
Key Takeaways. Being manipulative, lack of empathy, and excessive preoccupation with one's own needs are a few traits of a narcissistic wife. Narcissistic wives will restrict you from meeting your family and friends and isolate you from the outside world.
nuclear family, also called elementary family, in sociology and anthropology, a group of people who are united by ties of partnership and parenthood and consisting of a pair of adults and their socially recognized children. Typically, but not always, the adults in a nuclear family are married.
A rigid family boundary is the one that attempts to hold on to all of it's members without allowing any outsiders in or out. They are closed. In the same way, there are groups in society that function in a similar way. They have rigid boundaries and make entering and leaving difficult.
The difference between being in a close and intimate relationship with one's partner or being “enmeshed” is that in the latter both partners are expected to always be of one mind and matched emotions. Some pairs erroneously believe that their “enmeshment” is actually the ideal version of couple's efficacy and unity.
The Perverse Triangle
Bowen called it the pathological triangle, while Minuchin called it the rigid triangle. For example, a parent and child can align against the other parent but not admit to it, to form a cross-generational coalition. These are harmful to children.
Among experts in triangulation in the social sciences, there contin- ues to be a general consensus on the usefulness of the four types of triangulation originally identified by Denzin in the 1970s: (1) data triangulation; (2) investigator triangulation; (3) theory triangulation; and (4) methodological or method ...
Narcissistic Triangulation Between Siblings
Another common way narcissistic parents triangulate within their families is by triangulating siblings against each other. The parent will do this to feel like they have control within their family and encourage a child to seek their approval.