Debi Silber, a transformational psychologist and health, mindset and personal-development speaker, reduced sexual attraction may be the result of needs and expectations being unmet. Not feeling as attracted to your partner is a “natural response” when this happens, as is pulling back, Silber explains.
First, it's important to understand that losing sexual attraction happens to most couples as we move on with our normal life. Dr. Tina B. Tessina, a psychotherapist and author of How To Be Happy Partners: Working It Out Together, tells SheKnows that decreased attraction “is very common as time passes in relationships.”
The truth is, yes, typically relationships will shift and change over time and sometimes that magical spark your relationship used to have, may fade away. The good news is that once the honeymoon phase ends, it creates room for a more intimate relationship.
One of the reasons love can fade over time is that it's hard to keep that dopamine buzz going. "Dopamine gets us interested in each other, but it responds only to things that are new or that are possible rather than real," Dr. Lieberman says.
There are many factors that might be affecting his sex drive—an undiagnosed medical condition, a side effect of a medication, a hormonal imbalance, stress, depression, low self-esteem, trauma, or even problems in your marriage that he hasn't brought up.
Here's how to tell your partner is not sexually attracted to you: Your spouse or partner avoids going to bed with you at the same time. He avoids looking at you when you're naked. He no longer spontaneously touches you.
You're less interested in spending time together: When a relationship loses its spark, you may spend more time with your friends than your partner. You may even find that you're very easily annoyed by them, causing you to punish your partner or avoid each other altogether.
Falling out of love is also not as uncommon as most people think. Research says, nearly 50% of all marriages in the United States will end in divorce. The same study estimates that 41% of all first marriages end in marital separation.
According to various studies, the 4 most common causes of divorce are lack of commitment, infidelity or extramarital affairs, too much conflict and arguing, and lack of physical intimacy. The least common reasons are lack of shared interests and incompatibility between partners.
When couples say they no longer feel a “spark,” it may mean that they're missing the initial feeling of infatuation or that long-term commitment has become challenging. Meeting your partner and falling in love may have felt exciting, new, and intense. You might have felt that it was the only factor in your life.
If you're in this position right now and are unsure if you want to continue the relationship, it's important to remember that relationships can go through many different phases. Just because you have lost feelings right now, doesn't mean that you can't ever get them back.
Physical attraction can fade: Over time, you may no longer find your partner physically attractive anymore. This could happen if you lose the chemistry that existed between the two of you. Or, you may feel unattracted to changes in their body or appearance.
Attraction can fade as a result of distance, lack of communication, or changes in physical appearance. If you can readily identify any one of these as the reason for your loss of attraction, you and your girlfriend may be able to work together to find a solution for your relationship.
If you are feeling a lack of attraction to your partner, it could be a phase. Sometimes you may be going through something or experiencing a high amount of stress in your life that makes you lack sexual desire. If you suddenly feel you're not attracted to your boyfriend, this can be normal.
After all, almost 50% of first marriages, 60% of second marriages, and 73% of third marriages end in divorce. While there are countless divorce studies with conflicting statistics, the data points to two periods during a marriage when divorces are most common: years 1 – 2 and years 5 – 8.
“Normal” is whatever feels fulfilling for you and your partner, and communication plays a key role in making sure both parties feel fulfilled. That said, a 2017 study that appeared in the Archives of Sexual Behavior found that the average adult currently enjoys sex 54 times a year, which equates to about once a week.
Drifting apart takes place when a married couple becomes increasingly less passionate toward each other and has less interest in the life of the other. Fast drifting might be triggered by a major dishonest deed, such as having an affair or neglecting a partner when she needs the agent most.
The lack of physical touch, emotional connection, and sexual intimacy can lead to feelings of loneliness, depression, and low self-esteem. It can also cause physical symptoms such as headaches, insomnia, and decreased libido.
When your spark plugs are performing as they should, your engine sounds smooth and steady. A fouled spark plug causes your engine to sound rough while idling. You might also feel the vehicle vibrating.
They go out of their way to make you happy.
Initially in a relationship, it seems like both people are constantly doing things to make the other person happy, but sometimes this can fade. If your spouse is still making a conscious effort to be thoughtful, then you know they're still madly in love.