Here are ways to respond to an abusive boss: Pausing before reacting. Speaking clearly and assertively about your needs. Avoiding any shouting, belittling, or threats.
Repeated verbal harassment, such as the use of insulting remarks, slurs, vulgarities, physical or verbal action that a reasonable person might consider threatening, frightening, or embarrassing, or the intentional undermining or undercutting of a person's job performance are all examples of abusive conduct.
Filing a Claim for Verbal Abuse: An EEOC Charge
Even if you are experiencing a hostile work environment, you first have to file what's called a charge of discrimination with the EEOC (or a state agency with enforcement authority).
Verbal abuse, also known as emotional abuse, is a range of words or behaviors used to manipulate, intimidate, and maintain power and control over someone. These include insults, humiliation and ridicule, the silent treatment, and attempts to scare, isolate, and control.
Name-calling
If you've asked someone to stop calling you a name and they've ignored your request, they're being verbally abusive. Example: While an abuser might scream out harsh words like “worthless” or “idiot” during an argument, even supposedly playful nicknames and insults can be abusive if they're hurtful.
For example, verbal abuse includes being subjected to name-calling on a regular basis, constantly feeling demeaned or belittled, and being subjected to the silent treatment by a partner.
Talk over your concerns with your boss in a nonthreatening and professional way. If your situation is still unsustainable and unfair, keep detailed records in case you're asked to validate your complaints. Reach out to coworkers to see if they're having similar problems and ask how they're managing them.
Stay a safe emotional distance away from them. Be polite, honest, and clear. Maintaining a safe emotional distance means that you are insulating yourself from them by not letting their negative behaviors or actions negatively impact you while you continue to work in a professional and functional way.
Consider quitting.
If you have an abusive boss, ask yourself whether the situation is likely to improve, and whether it might be better to look for a new job now. Remember, you still have the skills and qualifications that got you this job. You can find a better fit somewhere else.
A toxic boss is a manager who demoralizes and damages the people underneath them. Their repeated, disruptive behavior drives employees to become disengaged, diminishes their sense of belonging, and takes away their autonomy and sense of purpose—all of which are vital for thriving at work.
Being overly friendly with staff: Some unprofessional managers may joke around too much with their team instead of leading them appropriately. Saying inappropriate things: An unprofessional manager may make inappropriate or suggestive comments or criticize someone's appearance.
The impact of workplace trauma can vary from person to person, depending on the nature of the trauma, the individual's coping mechanisms, and their support system. Unfortunately, it is not uncommon for employees to experience PTSD due to dealing with terrible bosses or toxic work environments.
Verbal harassment can take place in front of others or in private. While verbal abuse is not illegal per se, it is illegal in the workplace if it is associated with sexual harassment or racial discrimination, or if it is part of another type of harassment or discrimination.
Apologize and say something along the lines of “I'd love to discuss this with you more, privately.” Ask for tips on how to do things better. Ask very detailed, specific questions: this shows that you take your lack of performance seriously and want to do better. This should calm your manager down.
Express Your Concerns in Person
Keep your tone neutral and speak professionally. Be direct and face him squarely when articulating your frustrations. Example: When you ridicule my opinions, I consider it disrespectful and rude, especially when you talk like that in front of others in the office.
In most cases, “condescension” is simply the person's tone of voice and nothing else. Employees often claim that their boss's words aren't even the problem; it is the overall feeling of being spoken down to. If you are experiencing this with your supervisor, it helps to figure out how you should handle the situation.
A verbally abusive relationship can cause a person to become plagued with depression, the gradual development of introversion, mood swings, lowered self-esteem, misplaced guilt, isolation, loneliness, and posttraumatic stress disorder or PTSD (Lommen & Ehlers, 2014; Malenka & Deisseroth, 2014; Sullivan, 2018).
Verbal abuse (also known as verbal aggression, verbal attack, verbal violence, verbal assault, psychic aggression, or psychic violence) is a type of psychological/mental abuse that involves the use of oral, gestured, and written language directed to a victim.
The psychological effects of verbal abuse include: fear and anxiety, depression, stress and PTSD, intrusive memories, memory gap disorders, sleep or eating problems, hyper-vigilance and exaggerated startle responses, irritability, anger issues, alcohol and drug abuse, suicide, self-harm, and assaultive behaviors.
Example Sentences
Verb He was accused of sexually abusing a child. He abused his body with years of heavy drinking. He had abused his first car by not taking care of it. She abused her friend's trust.
Verbal abuse involves using words to name call, bully, demean, frighten, intimidate, or control another person. This can include overt verbal abuse such as yelling, screaming, or swearing. Such behaviors are attempts to gain power, and the goal is to control and intimidate you into submission.