Dating someone with "mommy issues" often feels like navigating an emotional rollercoaster, marked by insecure attachment, trust issues, neediness, or extreme avoidance, stemming from an unresolved, often unhealthy, childhood bond with their mother, leading to push-pull dynamics, intense jealousy, poor boundaries, and a struggle with vulnerability or commitment, creating an unpredictable and draining relationship. They might expect their partner to fulfill maternal roles (over-caretaking) or, conversely, struggle to form deep connections due to a fear of intimacy, making the relationship feel unstable and unbalanced.
This can lead to relationships having an unequal balance of power between a couple -- whether the man goes to the extreme of being very controlling or in the other direction and becomes very submissive. Mommy issues can also cause a man to have different expectations of a partner or spouse.
Individuals with unresolved mommy issues might find themselves gravitating towards avoidant or anxious attachment styles, where they either shun intimacy and closeness or become overly dependent on their partners for constant reassurance, respectively.
But it does provide some rough guidelines as to how soon may be too soon to make long-term commitments and how long may be too long to stick with a relationship. Each of the three numbers—three, six, and nine—stands for the month that a different common stage of a relationship tends to end.
Are your partner's mommy issues affecting your relationship? Here are 9 things to do
👉 Red Flag: His mother still controls major aspects of his life, from finances to personal decisions. If his mother was sincerely inaccessible or truant, he might have a deep-seated fear of surrender. This may make him clingy in relationships; always stresses you'll take off him.
Signs of a Negative Emotional Attachment in an Unhealthy Relationship
survived the dreaded two-year mark (i.e. the most common time period when couples break up), then you're destined to be together forever… right? Unfortunately, the two-year mark isn't the only relationship test to pass, nor do you get to relax before the seven-year itch.
“The idea is that you go on a date every 2 weeks, spend a weekend away together every 2 months, and take a week vacation together every 2 years.”
The 7-7-7 rule is a structured method for couples to regularly reconnect, involving a date night every 7 days, a weekend getaway every 7 weeks, and a kid-free vacation every 7 months.
Here are some actionable ways to address and heal mommy issues:
Talk about your feelings. Share your feelings with other moms and consider joining a parenting support group. A parenting group is an excellent place to learn strategies that will help you to manage complex parent-child interactions, obtain support, and make friends. Learn some stress reduction techniques.
Attracting men with mommy issues isn't about you doing something wrong. It's often tied to your strengths — your empathy, kindness, and independence. But to have healthy relationships, you need balance. Recognize the patterns, set boundaries, and prioritize your own well-being.
A man with mommy issues may want emotional connection and intimacy but fears being vulnerable. What is this? He might seek closeness but then push people away due to this inner conflict. For example, he might go on dates and meet women, enjoying their company and affection.
“Pocketing” is when one partner in a relationship avoids introducing the other to their friends or family. This can prevent a relationship from evolving and make a pocketed individual feel unfulfilled and isolated.
Avoidantly attached men may shut down their difficult feelings, causing them to feel out of reach and distant in relationships. Aside from insecure attachment, men who experienced the mother wound may also struggle with feelings of inadequacy and sadness, which then manifests as anger.
Take them in the spirit in which they are offered—as a a lens to think about your own relationship. This blog is part of a series on the five Cs: Chemistry, Commonality, Constructive Conflict, Courtesy and Commitment.
Let's say you decide you're going to date 10 different people over the next few months. The 37% rule says you should have fun on the first three, but not go out with them a second time. Tell yourself: I can do better. According to the 37% rule, the next best date you have is the keeper.
1. Lack of Honesty. Often when we think of honesty, notably honesty in marital relationships, we think of a very tangible “where were you last night” kind of honesty. While this is obviously critically important, there are many other kinds of dishonesty that can destroy marriages.
The 72-hour rule suggests waiting at least three days before making any major decisions or reaching out to your ex after a breakup. The idea is that emotions run highest immediately after a relationship ends, and giving yourself time helps you avoid impulsive choices you might regret.
Relationship researcher John Gottman identifies four specific behaviors that often predict divorce: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. He calls these the “Four Horsemen” and highlights the significant damage even one of these can inflict on a marriage.
The first seasonal breakup peak—coined the “spring clean”—goes down in March. But the biggest love purge falls about two weeks before the winter holidays—hence the name 'breakup season'.
If you think your relationship might be unhealthy or you aren't sure, take a look below to find several common warning signs in unhealthy relationships.
Fearful-avoidant
Many people with this style experienced harsh criticism, fear, or even abuse and neglect as children. A fearful attachment style is often categorized by a negative view of self and others, which may mean people with this style doubt the possibility of others helping, loving, and supporting them.
The following are more commonplace examples of clingy behavior: