Those who have BPD tend to be very intense, dramatic, and exciting. This means they tend to attract others who are depressed and/or suffering low self-esteem. People who take their power from being a victim, or seek excitement in others because their own life is not where they want it to be.
Manning encourages, “In my experience, people with BPD do not do well in relationships with those who are emotionally insensitive, but can thrive in relationships with people who are willing to experience and talk about their emotions.
For someone with this type of BPD relationship, a “favorite person” is someone they rely on for comfort, happiness, and validation.
Can a person with borderline personality disorder feel love? Absolutely! They may just have a hard time expressing it or establishing some stability in their relationships.
The reason why these personality types are attracted to one another is they magnetise. Each one helps the other play out their individual drama by fulfilling their needs.
In the case of sexuality, a trend toward impulsive behavior may lead to reckless sexual behavior as well. People with BPD are most at risk of engaging in impulsive acts when they are experiencing intense emotional responses, or when they are disinhibited by alcohol or other substances.
People with BPD tend to have relationships that are intense and short-lived. You may fall in love quickly, believing that each new person is the one who will make you feel whole, only to be quickly disappointed. Your relationships either seem perfect or horrible, without any middle ground.
People with BPD have a lot of difficulty in relationships, but that doesn't mean they're incapable of love. Unstable emotions often lead to unstable relationships, while black-and-white thinking may make a person with BPD push people away when there is evidence their partner has flaws.
Deep passion. People with BPD strongly desire a deep connection with those around them. This is partly because of their fear of abandonment but because they simply love people and crave deep connections.
Furthermore, many people who have been in a romantic relationship with someone with BPD describe their partner as fun, exciting, and passionate. Many people are initially drawn to people with BPD precisely because they have intense emotions and a strong desire for intimacy.
Maintaining a relationship with a friend or family member with BPD can be difficult. However, it's important to understand that people with BPD often engage in destructive behaviors not because they intend to hurt you but because their suffering is so intense that they feel they have no other way to survive.
People with BPD need validation and acknowledgement of the pain they're struggling with. Listen to the emotion your loved one is trying to communicate without getting bogged down in attempting to reconcile the words being used. Try to make the person with BPD feel heard.
Myth #5: People with BPD are unsuitable for intimate relationships. Fact: People with BPD have many positive things to contribute to fulfilling relationships. When trust and love has developed within a relationship, people with BPD can show high loyalty and trustworthiness.
Instability is common in relationships where one person has BPD. Many people with BPD are afraid of intimacy, so instead of getting too close to someone they fear might leave or hurt them, they push them away or withdraw from the relationship.
High-Functioning BPD Symptoms
Those experiencing high-functioning BPD often alternate between pushing people away and pulling them in closer, and may similarly fall into patterns of idealizing and then devaluing others. They tend to exhibit quick switches in emotions, such as going from very happy to very irritated.
Separations, disagreements, and rejections—real or perceived—are the most common triggers for symptoms. A person with BPD is highly sensitive to abandonment and being alone, which brings about intense feelings of anger, fear, suicidal thoughts and self-harm, and very impulsive decisions.
Idealizing During this initial “honeymoon phase,” your partner with BPD is extremely enthusiastic about the relationship. They think you're absolutely perfect; you're everything they've been searching for! Things move fast, and you're caught up in the passion and excitement. It feels great to be loved so deeply.
Treating Borderline Personality Disorder
Not only is BPD one of the most painful mental illnesses, but it's also intensified by stigma and being misunderstood by others. Fortunately, borderline personality disorder is a treatable condition, and the pain doesn't have to be endless.
In many cases, someone with BPD may rely entirely on their favorite person. As a result, they may idealize them and expect them to always be available. If you want the phenomena of a BPD favorite person explained, it can be helpful to look back to a person's childhood.
Yet being with someone with BPD can come with some positives. Some people with borderline personality disorder can be intuitive, empathetic, passionate, spontaneous, and resilient. When they are not triggered, they can love deeply, and be committed, to their partner and family.
Therapists should be aware that complimenting or giving positive feedback might be frightening and/ or difficult to accept for patients with BPD. Therefore, it could be helpful if the therapist prefaces compliments to the patient by pointing out that this might trigger aversive emotions.
In close relationships, a person with BPD may appear jealous, possessive, or hyper-reactive.
“People with BPD lie often, but it is not because they are pathological liars,” says Nikki Instone, Ph. D. “Lying is not a symptom of the disorder so much as a consequence of their internal battle.” Lying is really rooted in emotional dysregulation, which is one of the main symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder.