The Link Between Shame and Trauma. Research has found that many people with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) struggle with shame. Certain types of trauma have been associated with greater feelings of shame, including sexual violence, childhood abuse or neglect, and intimate partner violence.
Shame often emerges when you are at your most vulnerable state, and for those with PTSD, it could very well be the same triggers that cause you to relive your painful past. This is because insecurities are a prime component for people to default to shame.
Many people with BPD experience pervasive and chronic shame, regardless of their behavior. 2 This has lead researchers to believe that shame may distinguish BPD from other mental health disorders.
Shame has a central social component, and involves fears of being judged, criticized or rejected by others rather than just judging oneself. The origins of shame can almost always be tied back to past experiences of feeling judged, criticized, or rejected by someone else.
According to Gerald Fishkin, a California-based psychologist and author of The Science of Shame, the experience of shame is connected with the limbic system. That's the part of the brain that influences the autonomic nervous system, which is responsible for the fight-or-flight response.
Interestingly, researchers now believe that deep-rooted shame is often involved in the development of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).
Pertinent to young children's ability to experience shame and guilt is their understanding of social norms and standards which have been found to arise as early as 17 months (Kochanska, DeVet, Goldman, Murray, & Putnam, 1994).
Hence, shame has recently come to be identified in the trauma literature as part of a constellation of negative emotions (along with fear, horror, anger, guilt) that are common for trauma survivors in post-trauma states.
When faced with shame, the brain reacts as if it were facing physical danger, and activates the sympathetic nervous system generating the flight/fight/freeze response. The flight response triggers the feeling of needing to disappear, and children who have this response will try to become invisible.
For some people, shame is expressed by hiding what they perceive as weakness, so it is expressed with anger or violence. For others, it is directed inward and can result in depression.
Shame is an unpleasant self-conscious emotion often associated with negative self-evaluation; motivation to quit; and feelings of pain, exposure, distrust, powerlessness, and worthlessness.
Like guilt, shame can promote behavior change, since disappointment with yourself can prevent you from making a similar mistake. But shame relates to your sense of self, and it can cut deeper, so these feelings can linger long after you've apologized or made amends.
Shame evolved as a much-needed defense mechanism for society and ourselves, a team of international psychologists argue in a recent paper in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. Shame, in other words, prevents us from damaging our social relationships and motivates us to keep them.
Narcissist's issues with shame is a major reason narcissists struggle to maintain friendships, experience true intimacy, and struggle with self-esteem. Narcissists fear and despise facing their shame so much so, that their way to survive is to project their own shame on to those around them.
By unloading their shame onto others, with accusations and insults, narcissists can re-route their shame. They project their pain onto other people, and make them feel bad about themselves, so they can feel slightly better.
Intrusive memories
Recurrent, unwanted distressing memories of the traumatic event. Reliving the traumatic event as if it were happening again (flashbacks) Upsetting dreams or nightmares about the traumatic event. Severe emotional distress or physical reactions to something that reminds you of the traumatic event.
The first step to moving past shame is to begin to recognize it in your life. Notice when others are shaming you but also notice the ways in which you shame yourself.
Specific activations were found for shame in the frontal lobe (medial and inferior frontal gyrus), and for guilt in the amygdala and insula.
Shame separates us and isolates us in ways that are more powerful than most anything else; it robs us of our self-image, destroys relationships, and drives us to hide from ourselves, others, and our Higher Power.