Relationships can be difficult, and dating someone with ADHD is no different. Even if your partner is in treatment and engaged in coping strategies, they may still battle symptoms. Remember that ADHD is an ongoing condition that requires ongoing support.
Impulsive behavior
Adults with ADHD tend to do or say things without thinking. They might blurt out something insensitive, or make a big purchase without looking at their finances or having a discussion with you first. Their impulsive tendencies can often lead to reckless, even destructive actions.
If you have ADHD, you might find it hard to date, make friends, or parent. That's partly because good relationships require you to be aware of other people's thoughts and feelings. But ADHD can make it hard for you to pay attention or react the right way.
Symptoms of ADHD that can cause relationship problems
If you have ADHD, you may zone out during conversations, which can make your partner feel ignored and devalued. You may also miss important details or mindlessly agree to something you don't remember later, which can be frustrating to your loved one. Forgetfulness.
During the early stages of a relationship, the partner affected by ADHD can focus intensely on the romance and the new partner. This sends the message that the new partner is the center of the person's world. It typically generates feelings of connection, love and validation, and the relationship seems to grow quickly.
Adults with ADHD are also usually emotionally uninhibited, which can be attractive to others. This can lead to infidelity (see “Tame Temptation,” below).
This dynamic can strain a relationship. The partner with ADHD might constantly question their partner's love or commitment, which maybe perceived as a lack of trust. This can drive the couple even further apart.
Partners diagnosed with ADHD share many of the same frustrations as their non-ADHD counterparts. They feel misunderstood and unloved. They get angry when their partners criticize them a lot. They worry when their relationship breaks down because of their disorganization and distractibility.
An ADHD sufferer may be unable to pay attention to anything that isn't new, which pulls attention away from the relationship as it matures. Because he's not aware that he's doing anything wrong, the ADHD partner often doesn't respond or take the necessary steps to focus on the relationship.
Most respondents said that their ADHD partners were very committed to the relationship. A small minority reported their ADHD partners having affairs. A small minority reported that they had affairs.
Falling in Love with ADHD
It's true: Attention deficit disorder (ADHD or ADD) has strained more than a few romantic relationships. Equally true (though less recognized) is the fact that partners with ADHD are among the most loyal, generous, engaged, and genuinely fun people you could meet.
Trouble paying attention during intimacy.
Lack of focus is one of the most well-known symptoms of ADHD. So you might find your mind wandering when you're having sex, when you're cuddling, or in the middle of foreplay. If you're with a partner, they may think that you're not interested in them.
When you begin to date someone, you may be showered with gifts, compliments, and attention; you may feel pressured to commit too quickly. This behavior is called idealizing, or “love bombing.” Devaluing.
It's a common ADHD experience that I call 'involuntary ghosting' - a phenomenon that describes the disappearing act that happens when ADHDers forget to respond to texts.
Divorce and ADHD. Estimates vary, but some studies suggest that the divorce rate among couples touched by ADHD is as much as twice that of the general population.
People with ADHD may find it harder to be intimate with someone due to symptoms such as impulsiveness and being easily distracted. Sex may be less enjoyable for both partners. For the partner with ADHD, they aren't able to fully focus on either the physical or emotional aspects of sex.
But girls with ADHD usually turn their pain and anger inward. This puts girls at an increased risk for depression, anxiety, and eating disorders. Girls with undiagnosed ADHD are also more likely to have problems in school, social settings, and personal relationships than other girls.