To help calm them, try to make the hours that lead up to their bedtime as peaceful, fun, and nurturing as possible. You can spend extra time with your child before going to bed, snuggling, reading, and singing together. If your child cries for you after you've put them to their bed, it's okay to go to them.
This is due to separation anxiety, a normal stage of development that happens during this time. If this happens, as with other awakenings, give your baby some time to settle down. If needed, give brief reassurance to your little one without taking your baby out of the crib.
Offer gentle reassurance
Try offering some gentle but not overly stimulating comfort until baby falls asleep. Hold their hand or place your palm on their chest, suggests Zentz. “Then, each day, gradually wean off the amount of support as their skill set of independent sleep sharpens.”
A dark, quiet environment can help encourage your baby to sleep. Put your baby to bed drowsy, but awake. Before your baby gets overtired or cranky, you might try singing soft lullabies or swaddling or massaging him or her. Eventually, your baby will learn that these activities mean it's time to rest.
Put your baby down drowsy but awake.
Try putting your little one in their crib or bassinet while they're drowsy but awake. This will help your baby associate their bed, rather than your arms, with sleep. Over time they will also learn to fall asleep by themselves, without needing to be held.
They've just spent the previous nine months being "held" in the womb, so of course they want a cozy place to snooze. Plus, since they're born without a concept of day and night, they need some time to develop sleep patterns on their own.
If your newborn sleeps peacefully in your arms but wakes up the second you lay them down (or heck, even if they sense you're about to lay them down), know that you are not alone. This situation is extremely common. Some babies are extra sensitive to the noises, lights, and other sensory stimulation around them.
By 6 or 7 months of age, your baby may need some things but want others. At that point, you may be able to resist their demands a little. It's not so much that you're spoiling them if you “give in” to their every wish, but it may be more beneficial to help them understand some limits (often for their own safety).
When do babies start sleeping without being held? Once your baby is between 4-6 months old, they are likely ready to self-soothe and sleep for longer stretches of time without the need to be held. This is also when most parents consider sleep training.
Crying when you leave the room. Clinging or crying, especially in new situations. Awakening and crying at night after previously sleeping through the night. Refusal to go to sleep without parent nearby.
Babies love to be held, touched and reassured that you're there, so settling in a cot on their own can often be difficult for them. Your baby's missing your touch and attention, and they're letting you know about it (NHS, 2019). From their very first hours of life, babies will cry when separated from their mothers.
Overtired. Besides being overstimulated, if your infant has become too tired, he might start to get fussy. Your newborn might be tired because he is a bit colicky which causes him to fall asleep when he wants to. This can wreak havoc on creating a sleep schedule.
All children develop on their own timelines, but the separation anxiety phase typically peaks when a baby is between 10 months and 18 months old. It usually goes away during the last half of your baby's second year.
How long should you expect this separation anxiety to last? It usually peaks between ten and eighteen months and then fades during the last half of the second year. In some ways, this phase of your child's emotional development will be especially tender for both of you, while in others, it will be painful.
To your little one, your warm, familiar, subtly moving body is so much more welcoming than that quiet and still bassinet. Quite simply, when your baby is nestled in your arms, they're reminded of the womb, complete with gentle movements, a snug embrace, and the comforting sound of your heartbeat.
According to Parents, although holding your baby until they fall sleep should never make you feel like you're spoiling them (there's no such thing as too much affection, after all,) you should be aware that holding them to sleep may make it more difficult for them to fall asleep on their own later in life.
Your baby still remembers sleeping in your womb for nine months which is a snug and safe place. It's where your baby first listened to your heartbeat. So when napping in your arms or on your chest, that same reassuring sleep association is being triggered. Babies also like the warmth and closeness of being held.
Having reflux, being gassy or having a sensitive tummy are common reasons I see for refusing to be put down. Babies who are gassy are often uncomfortable all the time, not just at night. Parents often report that she will ONLY sleep on someone. Signs of gas include a lot of wriggling, arching bag and grunting.
Being put to bed too drowsy is the number one reason a baby wakes up after going to sleep. If your baby wakes up right after going down, I would recommend that you shift things up at bedtime. Make sure she is more awake before going to bed.
A 2017 study confirms what many parents already instinctively know: You should pick up babies every time they cry. The research from the University of Notre Dame found that it was impossible to spoil an infant by holding or cuddling him, according to an article at News.co.au.
Newborns and young babies should never "cry it out," but you can let your 4-month-or-older baby cry themselves to sleep for up to 10 minutes at a time.
There are a multitude of high-quality research studies that all show that sleep training is safe for babies, causes no psychological harm, doesn't impair the bond between children and parents AND doesn't negatively affect children long-term.