People with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) often possess strengths like deep empathy, high perceptiveness (noticing subtle emotional shifts), creativity, loyalty, and a passionate nature, which, when managed, translate into valuable skills such as understanding others deeply, being adventurous, and fostering strong bonds, alongside developing specific coping mechanisms like mindfulness, emotional regulation (e.g., distress tolerance), and communication skills through therapies like DBT.
Empathy and compassion – People with BPD experience greater internal and external turmoil. However, this in turn allows for the ability to recognise and have greater insight for others in similar situations.
Identifying Strengths of High-Functioning BPD
People with borderline personality disorder have a strong fear of abandonment or being left alone. Even though they want to have loving and lasting relationships, the fear of being abandoned often leads to mood swings and anger. It also leads to impulsiveness and self-injury that may push others away.
People with BPD can struggle with interpersonal skills because of 1. A very strong fear of being abandoned 2. Challenges with Black and White thinking, and 3. Emotional Dysregulation.
This clinical study of 23 borderline outpatients and 38 outpatients with other personality disorders provides evidence that individuals who become borderline frequently have a special talent or gift, namely a potential to be unusually perceptive about the feelings of others.
First, people with BPD are characterized by a biological vulnerability to experience intense emotions (i.e., affective instability), which includes (a) greater reactivity to internal and external stimuli, (b) stronger emotional intensity, and (c) slower return to a baseline level of emotional arousal.
BPD behaviors include intense mood swings, unstable relationships, a distorted self-image, impulsivity (like binge eating, spending, risky sex, or substance abuse), chronic feelings of emptiness, frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment, inappropriate intense anger, self-harm (cutting, burning), and recurrent suicidal threats or actions. These behaviors stem from deep emotional pain and difficulty regulating emotions, often causing significant distress in daily life, say experts at the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) and the Mayo Clinic.
Understanding and patience from partners, family, and friends, along with professional help, can significantly improve their chances of having successful relationships. To conclude, people with Borderline Personality Disorder can love and be loved.
Splitting is a thinking pattern where things feel extreme. When someone is splitting, they may see everything as all good or all bad, perfect or terrible. They may love or hate something with no in between. People with BPD, including those with quiet BPD, often struggle to see the gray area in situations.
Potential Upsides to Having a Partner with BPD. Research indicates that BPD is linked to above-average intelligence (IQ > 130) and exceptional artistic talent (Carver, 1997).
Ability to sense emotions of others.
Another gifting of BPD is a keen awareness of the emotions of others. Oftentimes a person with BPD will sense an emotion such as anger from someone else that the person is ignorant or in denial of feeling.
Borderline Personality Disorder
Someone with BPD often loves in a way that transcends conventional definitions. Since they know what it is like to be atypical, they know how to embrace the uniqueness of each person. They can often see beyond the surface, connect with others on a soul level, and appreciate the inner beauty that lies within.
The "3 C's of BPD" typically refer to advice for loved ones of someone with Borderline Personality Disorder, reminding them: "I didn't cause it, I can't cure it, I can't control it," to help set boundaries and avoid taking on undue responsibility for the person's actions or illness. Another set of "C's" describes core BPD traits for individuals: Clinginess (fear of abandonment), Conflict (intense relationships/moods), and Confusion (unstable self-image).
BPD occurs equally in men and women, though women tend to seek treatment more often than men. Symptoms may get better in or after middle age.
Why BPD Symptoms Peak in Early Adulthood. In the 20s, identity formation and independence conflict with emotional vulnerability. Research shows impulsivity and mood swings occur most frequently between the ages of 18-25.
A 2013 study published in The American Journal of Family Therapy directly observed couples in which the woman was diagnosed with BPD and found significantly more dominance, criticism and conflict behaviors compared to non-clinical couples.
Don't…
Some people engage in impulsive or reckless behaviors, such as spending sprees, unsafe sex, substance use, dangerous driving, and binge eating.
Those who have BPD tend to be very intense, dramatic, and exciting. This means they tend to attract others who are depressed and/or suffering low self-esteem. People who take their power from being a victim, or seek excitement in others because their own life is not where they want it to be.
Identity and Impulsivity
Couple this with the fact that people with borderline personality disorder are often impulsive and what you might end up with is someone who is constantly changing their identity. It might be that they are constantly dyeing their hair colour.
Explosive anger/rage
Intense and utter rage is the bedmate of those with BPD. They swing from one extreme emotion to often ones involving anger. But not the anger most people display but the type to seem like a bomb went off (screaming as loud as they can, breaking things, stomping, physically fighting, etc.)
In most cases, serious difficulties in emotional regulation, or BPD, is a result of two combining factors: Being born with heightened sensitivity and gifted with perceptivity. A deficient or vicarious childhood environment that fails to meet these children's emotional needs.
The symptoms of BPD are very broad, and some can be similar to or overlap with other mental health problems, such as: Bipolar disorder. Complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD) Depression.