"Your parents do not need to know how, when, where, or with whom you've slept," said psychologist and life coach Ana Jovanovic to POPSUGAR. "No matter how liberal or curious they may be, you are still their child and these details are very intimate.
As an adult, you aren't obligated to tell them everything (or anything) that's going on in your life or answer their questions. Share only what feels comfortable and safe. Reflective questions: What does it feel safe to share with your parents?
Toxic parents create a negative and toxic home environment. They use fear, guilt, and humiliation as tools to get what they want and ensure compliance from their children. They are often neglectful, emotionally unavailable, and abusive in some cases. They put their own needs before the needs of their children.
Many people report being afraid to tell their parents because they do not want to upset them. Sometimes we don't understand where troubling feelings or thoughts are coming from and feel guilty for having them.
Telling your family about your trauma may be daunting, but you can do this. You are only hurting yourself if you cannot allow yourself to open up to someone who has your best interest at heart and can give extra guidance to help you through the trauma.
The most common toxic behavior of parents is to criticize their child, express self-wishes, complain about the difficulties of raising a child, make unhealthy comparisons, and make hurtful statements1.
Most teens need to keep secrets from their parents as a healthy step in developing their sense of identity. As they withhold information from their parents, they begin to understand who they are and what is important to them. The need for privacy is normal, and within reasonable limits, should be encouraged.
Hurting words slash at a child's self-confidence: "You're stupid." "What a slob!" "You're disgusting." "You're worthless." Helping words show you care and make a child feel worthwhile and secure: "You can do it." "Great job." "You're beautiful." "I'm proud of you."
Whether to comfort or to discipline, telling your child to stop crying isn't the way to go. Holding back tears restricts her emotions. She misses out on learning opportunities to manage her feelings. And it's ineffective—rarely does a child stop crying when told to.
By 2 to 5 years
Over time, children develop the ability to correctly label emotional expressions. Children also develop and express typical fears during the preschool period—of the dark, of strangers, of monsters, of going to the doctor, of dogs or other animals, and more.
Often times we behave rudely because our emotions get the best of us. If you find yourself in a situation with your parents where you keep getting angrier and angrier, finding a way to calm down, collect your thoughts, and keep yourself from losing control is critical.
Some of the common signs of a toxic parent or parents include: Highly negatively reactive. Toxic parents are emotionally out of control. They tend to dramatize even minor issues and see any possible slight as a reason to become hostile, angry, verbally abusive, or destructive.
Traumatic experiences can initiate strong emotions and physical reactions that can persist long after the event. Children may feel terror, helplessness, or fear, as well as physiological reactions such as heart pounding, vomiting, or loss of bowel or bladder control.
“Because I said so!” What parent hasn't said these words to their child in a moment of sheer exasperation? What you're really saying is that you are the one in charge and you want the discussion to end. Of course, sometimes ending it abruptly is appropriate and sometimes it's not.
Among more than 50,000 research participants I've surveyed, the most common secrets include a lie we've told (69 percent), romantic desire (61 percent), sex (58 percent), and finances (58 percent).