The percentage of marriages that last at least 10 years varies by country and by when the couple was married. Recent data suggests that around 75% to 85% of first marriages in the U.S. last at least 10 years, while for England and Wales, it is about 83%.
Studies suggest that 20 percent of marriages end within the first five years and that this number increased by 12 percent within 10 years. But between 10 years and 15 years, the rate only increases about 8 percent, implying that one of the safest stages of your marriage is between years 10 and 15.
Meanwhile, marriages lasted for a median of 13.2 years – up from 12.1 in 2020 and 13 last year. The statistics align with an Australian Institute of Family Studies report that in February found the divorce rate had in 2023 fallen to its lowest level since the implementation of the 1975 Family Law Act.
The four behaviors that predict over 90% of divorces, known as Dr. John Gottman's "Four Horsemen," are Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling, which erode connection, respect, and safety, leading to relationship breakdown. These destructive communication patterns, if persistent, signal that a marriage is likely to end, with contempt being the most damaging.
Peak risk period: Most divorces occur between years 5 and 15 of marriage, with the single highest annual risk often around years 7--10. Median marriage length at divorce: Studies commonly report a median of about 8--12 years for first marriages that end in divorce.
The 7-7-7 rule is a structured method for couples to regularly reconnect, involving a date night every 7 days, a weekend getaway every 7 weeks, and a kid-free vacation every 7 months.
While many factors contribute, many experts point to poor communication (especially criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling) and a breakdown in emotional connection/trust, often stemming from dishonesty or disrespect, as the #1 things that destroy marriages, eroding intimacy and making partners feel unheard and unloved over time. Infidelity, financial stress, and shifting priorities (like putting family/in-laws above spouse) are also major contributors that feed these core issues.
Contempt. Of all the predictive factors, contempt is the most prominent one. Based on extensive research, Dr Gottman names the 'Four Horsemen' or four communication habits that are the best predictors of divorce.
Divorce lawyers, psychologists, and researchers have slotted years of marriage into periods and have rated them based on their risk of divorce:
Gottman studied more than 2,000 married couples over two decades and found four attitudes that most predict the dissolution of a relationship, especially in combination. They are criticism, defensiveness, contempt and stonewalling — the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
The median age at divorce has been increasing for both men and women, now reaching its highest point at 47.1 years for men and 44.1 years for women. The number of divorces involving children under 18 years remained stable over the last decade at 1 in 2.
There's no single answer, as suffering in divorce is highly individual, but research shows women often face greater financial hardship and poverty risk, while men tend to struggle more with emotional adjustment, depression, and loneliness, though both experience significant challenges, especially regarding children, finances, and loss of intimacy. Children also suffer greatly from parental conflict, disrupted routines, and loyalty conflicts, with the outcome depending heavily on co-parenting quality.
Grey divorce or late-life divorce is the demographic trend of an increasing divorce rate for older ("grey-haired") couples in long-lasting marriages, a term typically used for people over 50. Those who divorce may be called silver splitters. Divorcing late in life can cause financial difficulties.
Marital Duration
In 2018, nearly one-third (28%) of currently married individuals wed in the past ten years. Forty-one percent have made it to their silver (25 years) wedding anniversary, and only 8% have made it to their golden (50 years) anniversary.
Starting with a reference point of the same age couple, a couple who has a 1-year age difference has a 3% greater likelihood of divorce. If there is a 5-year age difference, the risk increases 18%. 10 year age difference yields increased risk of 39%. If there is a 20-year age difference, the risk increases 95%!
The average length of a first marriage that ends in divorce is roughly eight years—7.8 years for men, 7.9 for women. Moving into second marriages that end in divorce, the timeline shortens somewhat. In these cases, the median length for men is 7.3 years, while for women it drops to 6.8 years.
The 7-7-7 rule for couples is a guideline for maintaining strong connection by scheduling dedicated time: a date night every 7 days, a weekend getaway (or night away) every 7 weeks, and a longer, kid-free vacation every 7 months, all designed to fight drift and routine by ensuring consistent, intentional quality time, though flexibility is key.
Signs Your Marriage May Be Over
But it does provide some rough guidelines as to how soon may be too soon to make long-term commitments and how long may be too long to stick with a relationship. Each of the three numbers—three, six, and nine—stands for the month that a different common stage of a relationship tends to end.
Dr. John Gottman dubbed the four most destructive communication patterns that predict divorce and separation as "The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse": Criticism, Defensiveness, Contempt, and Stonewalling.
Charmain F. Jackman, a bad relationship is simply one that is unhealthy. "In this relationship, one or all partners that exhibit a lack of respect for each other, have trouble engaging in positive communication, and may have no interest in being together," she explains.
Women initiate the majority of divorces, with studies showing they file in around 70% of cases, a rate that increases to about 90% for college-educated women, according to research from the American Sociological Association (ASA). This trend highlights that women often bear the emotional burden, experience unmet needs, and have greater financial independence, making them more likely to seek divorce when dissatisfied with the relationship.
The 5-5-5 rule in marriage refers to two main communication techniques: one where couples spend 5 minutes each speaking and 5 minutes dialoguing (5-5-5), and another where a person asks if an issue will matter in 5 minutes, 5 days, and 5 years to gain perspective. Both methods aim to de-escalate conflict, encourage active listening, and focus on long-term understanding rather than immediate reactions, fostering healthier communication and connection.
The Three A's – Adultery, Abuse, and Addiction
Therapists would love for every marriage to be able to be saved, but that just simply isn't realistic. Every marriage therapist knows when a couple comes into their office and are dealing with one of what we call, The Three A's …
Emotional distance
As communication deteriorates, spouses may start to feel more like roommates than romantic partners. This emotional disconnection can lead to a lack of empathy and understanding, making each partner feel isolated and alone, which is a major factor in things that kill a marriage.