But when there's no word for something? It means it's something we don't even want to think about — and losing a child is one of those things. “Widow” in Sanskrit means “empty,” and when we go to Sanskrit for a word for a parent losing a child, the word is “Vilomah”.
bereaved Add to list Share.
To every courageous loss mama, with an aching heart and empty arms, I leave you with this: Yes, you are a still a mother, and you always, always will be. The love you two share is forever, just as your motherhood is forever. No one can take that away from you.
What's a Vilomah? Vilomah is a word gaining acceptance to describe a parent who has lost a child. Expectation from the natural life-cycle is that a child will out-live the parent.
Invite those in mourning to speak about their pain—and listen. Simply asking, “How are you?” or “How are you feeling?” can help the bereaved begin to process their pain knowing that others care, Gooen says. Asking the name of the child they lost is also comforting.
Keep it simple
It's the heart and intention that matter most. It's acceptable to simply use the phrase, “I'm sorry for your loss” if it's said with genuine care and concern. Remember, there are no words that can take away the pain of loss. There are, however, words that can help people feel less alone.
Check in every now and then just to say hello (you may find it helpful to put reminders on your calendar). Most bereaved people find it difficult to reach out and need others to take the initiative.
Let parents know you respect their thoughts and feelings, even if they are not grieving or feeling as you would. Allow the parents their privacy. If there are siblings, encourage them to talk about their brother or sister. Let them talk, or just sit with them if they are not ready.
Focus on the survivor's needs. Refer to the deceased by name. Encourage the family to plan a wake, funeral and burial (even if cremated), if you are in an appropriate position to do so. Send flowers with a note (see suggestions for notes below) or offer a donation to a charity or an appropriate research organization.
Don't try to minimize their loss, provide simplistic solutions, or offer unsolicited advice. It's far better to just listen to your loved one or simply admit: “I'm not sure what to say, but I want you to know I care.” Be willing to sit in silence. Don't press if the grieving person doesn't feel like talking.
In grief, we need the stillness of alone time to feel our feelings and think our thoughts. To slow down and turn inward, we must sometimes actively cultivate solitude. Being alone is not the curse we may have been making it out to be. It is actually a blessing.
Coping strategies include finding support, expressing your feelings verbally or through creative outlets, and seeking professional help from a therapist. Losing a child is one of the most painful events a parent can experience. A therapist can help you deal with the pain, sadness, and anger.
Grief, especially from losing a child, is not something you get over. Grief ebbs and flows and changes with time. Some days will be very hard and others will be a little easier. Eventually, grief should feel muted and in the background but most likely will be present in one way or another throughout life.
Origin of the term “Vilomah.”
In recent days, this word is gaining acceptance and is building a community around itself. The term “Vilomah” describes a parent who has lost their child. Life has its natural order, and in that order, children are supposed to outlive their parents.
Grief reactions after the death of a child are similar to those after other losses. But, they are often more intense and last longer. You may experience the following grief reactions: Intense shock, confusion, disbelief, and denial, even if your child's death was expected.
She's one who can experience an array of emotions on any given day. And one who wishes tears would come when numbness covers her. She's one who screams at God one moment and clings to him the next.
Many parents are filled with intense feelings of sorrow, despair, anger, fear and emptiness. They may replay and question the circumstances of their child's death over and over, experiencing feelings of guilt and frustration. These reactions are normal.
Parents of children and adolescents who die are found to suffer a broad range of difficult mental and physical symptoms. As with many losses, depressed feelings are accompanied by intense feelings of sadness, despair, helplessness, loneliness, abandonment, and a wish to die [28].
A person born in these circumstances is called a posthumous child or a posthumously born person. Most instances of posthumous birth involve the birth of a child after the death of its father, but the term is also applied to infants delivered shortly after the death of the mother, usually by caesarean section.