Jealousy mostly stems from insecurity. The jealous spouse often does not feel they are “enough” for their partner. Their low self-esteem makes them perceive other people as threats to the relationship. They, in turn, try to control their partner by preventing them from having any outside friendships or hobbies.
Jealousy may be driven by low self-esteem or a poor self-image. If you don't feel attractive and confident, it can be hard to truly believe that your partner loves and values you. Other times, jealousy can be caused by unrealistic expectations about the relationship.
Causes of Jealousy
Being insecure or having a poor self-image. Fearing abandonment or betrayal. Feeling intense possessiveness or a desire for control. Having a misguided sense of ownership over a partner.
Insecurity is often a sign of low self-esteem, but there may be other problems, fears or worries that are causing your partner to feel insecure. For example, they may have been abandoned or cheated on by previous partners and are worried that the same could happen again.
Self-doubt is a common trigger for jealousy
Anxiety and fear create self-doubt. If a man feels vulnerable within the relationship, he may begin to act in an accusatory manner in order to insulate himself from any possibility of being hurt.
If you're the target of jealousy, you may feel like someone (usually a partner or friend) is trying to control your life. They might do things such as check up on you, try to tell you what to do (or not do) and how to act, or limit your contact with friends and coworkers.
Jealousy is often rooted in insecurities and fears that a person may not even realize they have. These could include fear of oversimplification, fear of inadequacy, fear of abandonment, fear of being replaced, and fear of being judged.
There is not one root cause for someone's jealous behaviors or feelings, but there are a few reasons why someone might feel this way, including insecurity, past history, or fear of loss. Jealousy can be triggered by these and might create tensions within your relationships.
Healthy jealousy stems from seeing a potential threat and needing to guard a partner you love. This is completely normal and part of being human. If however, jealousy is triggered by fear and leads to acting from a place of suspicion, paranoia, or insecurity, then it's unhealthy and not based in love.
Extreme Jealously
When jealousy creeps into a romantic relationship, it can often fester into controlling tactics to assert dominance. “Do not ignore this red flag because it could also lead to an abusive and controlling situation,” says Kelman.
Consistent with this definition, Buunk (1997) distinguished between three qualitatively different types of jealousy: reactive, anxious and preventive jealousy.
But, unchecked, consuming jealousy can be toxic and destroy relationships. That's why we need to know how to recognize it and respond in a productive way, Stern and others say.
Possessiveness often stems from insecurities related to attachment styles. People with attachment anxiety tend to have a negative view of themselves and a positive view of others. They worry that their partners can't be trusted. They have a chronic fear of rejection.
People that are prone to intense jealousy or possessiveness often harbor feelings of inadequacy or inferiority and have a tendency to compare themselves to others. Jealousy, at its core, is a byproduct of fear, fear of not being good enough, fear of loss.
You can tell if someone is jealous by observing how frequently they check on you. Getting a few texts or calls means your partner cares about your well-being. But when your partner repeatedly calls, especially when you are out with friends, it is a telltale sign of jealousy in a relationship.
Husband Being Jealous of His Wife's Career Isn't Uncommon. Husbands being jealous of wife's career and success is neither uncommon nor a phenomenon exclusive to India, even though it may be more pronounced in our part of the world.