Indecision and Guilt Adult children of narcissistic parents fear that they will hurt someone else by choosing to do what's right for them. They have been 'trained' to consider their parent's needs first and foremost, and it is therefore hard for them to consider their own needs without feeling selfish for doing so.
Children who grow up with a narcissistic parent tend to suffer from at least some of the following as children and as adults: anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, self-doubt, self-blame, indecision, people-pleasing tendencies, difficulties with emotional intimacy, and codependent relationships.
Growing up with a narcissistic parent can be difficult. The children of a narcissist are often children who grow up to be codependent, people-pleasers, and have low self-esteem. They may never feel good enough for their parents or themselves.
Adult children of narcissists go through a lifetime's worth of abuse. Narcissistic parents lack empathy, exploit their children for their own agendas, and are unlikely to seek treatment or change their destructive behaviors long-term (Kacel, Ennis, & Pereira, 2017).
Narcissistic parents lack empathy, show a severe sense of entitlement to micromanage the lives of their children, and may even subject their children to neglect, as well as emotional and/or physical abuse.
According to Thomaes & Brummelman, the development of narcissism begins at around the ages of 7 or 8. This is the time when children begin to evaluate themselves according to how they perceive others. Although narcissism comes partly down to genes, it is also impacted by the environment.
In narcissists' efforts to avoid blame, they often combine several fake apologies at once, such as, “I am sorry if I said anything to offend you, but I have strong opinions. Maybe you're too sensitive,” or, “I guess I should tell you I am sorry.
At the end of a relationship, narcissists may become combative, passive-aggressive, hostile, and even more controlling. People with NPD often fail to understand other people's needs and values. They are hyper focused on their egos, but do not account for how their actions affect others.
They tend to either idealize or devalue others. Narcissistic parents often idealize one golden child and devalue, or scapegoat, others. Their romantic relationships are characterized by a pattern of idealization followed by devaluation and often times discard.
Red Flags When You're In a Relationship With a Narcissist
Downplays your emotions. Uses manipulative tactics to “win” arguments. Love bombing, especially after a fight. Makes you second-guess yourself constantly.
A golden child's sense of self and their personal boundaries are erased, as their own sense of identity is replaced with the need to live up to their role. Their behaviors and beliefs reflect what their parent expects of them, and they may feel incapable of individuation even in adulthood.
According to Julie L. Hall, author of “The Narcissist in Your Life: Recognizing the Patterns and Learning to Break Free,” narcissists become more extreme versions of their worst selves as they age, which includes becoming more desperate, deluded, paranoid, angry, abusive, and isolated.
The cruelty and abuse of the narcissistic parent are nothing short of traumatic. Being exposed to endless self centered behavior can trap you in exhaustion, and the manipulation and lack of insight, which is a common narcissistic feature, can wear you to the bone.
This means someone living with narcissistic traits may cry from regret or remorse, but not with empathy at its source. They may feel embarrassed, for example, about being criticized for their part in a distressing situation. They may feel sadness or regret that whatever happened paints them in a negative light.
Narcissists don't know they're hurting you. It doesn't even enter their minds. And, if you try to tell them how you feel, they get defensive and make you feel you're wrong again. In fact, they'll even rather “innocently” tell you: “I'm only trying to help you.”
One of the most common signs of a narcissist is a constant need for praise or admiration. People with this behavior need to feel validation from others and often brag or exaggerate their accomplishments for recognition. They also like to feel appreciated to boost their ego.
“To what extent do you agree with this statement: 'I am a narcissist.'” Scientists believe that this question could be all researchers need to make a quick and easy diagnosis of narcissism.
Golden child syndrome, or being a “golden child,” is a term typically used by family, and most often by parents, to refer to a child in the family that's regarded as exceptional in some way. The golden child is expected to be extraordinary at everything, not make mistakes, and essentially be “perfect.”
A narcissistic father will often cross your boundaries simply to prove that he can. He may show up uninvited to your home or events. He may defy your family rules to spite you. He may intentionally give presents only to the person he prefers, just to play mind games.
Common narcissistic traits in fathers include having an over-inflated ego, always needing to be right, and possessing an unearned or false sense of entitlement. Few of us feel that our fathers did everything right as they raised us. However, being raised by a narcissistic father goes beyond these bounds.