Among the weak points of a narcissist is the pain of being told “no.” As you've already seen, the one thing they need is to constantly be the center of attention. Furthermore, they want to be respected, admired, followed, and given power over everyone else around them.
A covert narcissist lives with the need for admiration and validation, an unstable sense of self and self-importance, and emotional fragility. Their expression of these needs and vulnerability is more introverted and passive-aggressive than the typical or overt narcissist.
Although narcissists act superior to others and posture as beyond reproach, underneath their grandiose exteriors lurk their deepest fears: That they are flawed, illegitimate, and ordinary.
So do covert narcissists know what they are doing? While they may be aware on some level that their behaviors have a negative impact on other people, narcissists also tend to lack self-awareness and insight.
They believe that they are the best at everything and losing to those they believe to be inferior can be infuriating. Since narcissists are always in pursuit of status and admiration from others, losing for them can be a devastating ego blow that can trigger their narcissistic injury.
Defensiveness and Anger
Covert narcissists are more likely to display “narcissistic rage”—a tendency toward hostility and anger. Research suggests this is because covert narcissists tend to be highly neurotic, whereas overt narcissists are typically more stable emotionally.
Gaslighters/narcissists are extremely sensitive to rejection. Any perceived slight can throw them into a tailspin. Many times, gaslighters/narcissists will be out for revenge. One of the most common ways gaslighters/narcissists attack those who reject them is by subjecting them to public humiliation.
Narcissistic traits are most often self-serving rather than altruistic, but the person can still feel emotions. People with narcissistic personality disorder or narcissistic traits may laugh and cry like everyone else, though they may have different reasons for doing so.
They believe they're uniquely miserable.
Unlike most types of narcissists who often come across as confident and grandiose, covert narcissists tend to be more insecure and self-effacing.
Covert vs.
Covert narcissism is also known as shy, vulnerable, or closet narcissism. People with this subtype tend not to outwardly demonstrate arrogance or entitlement. Instead, they might put themselves down and seem anxious about what others think of them, rather than exuding charm or confidence.
Both Overt and Covert narcissism tends to have similar triggers, which can be anything they perceive as disrespectful (ignoring them/feeling unheard, having a difference of opinion, not liking their outfit/haircut/music…); or anything they see as threatening to their Ego or that triggers shame (someone's status being ...
In narcissists' efforts to avoid blame, they often combine several fake apologies at once, such as, “I am sorry if I said anything to offend you, but I have strong opinions. Maybe you're too sensitive,” or, “I guess I should tell you I am sorry. But you know I would never deliberately hurt you.
Covert narcissists tend to hold grudges for a long time. If they feel they are being treated unfairly, they may say nothing at the moment but wait to take revenge in some way. Along with a desire for revent, these grudges can lead to feelings of bitterness and resentment.
The Covert Narcissist's Abusive Behaviors
These self-serving tactics can include gaslighting and distorting reality; manipulations to get what they want; showing contempt and giving the silent treatment; dominating and controlling their partner; and belittling and humiliating verbally and emotionally.
As predicted, overt narcissists reported greater happiness and higher self- esteem, whereas covert narcissists reported diminished happiness and lower self-esteem. These results are consistent with the notion that overt narcissists enjoy some psychological benefits that covert narcissists do not enjoy.
Covert narcissists often experience severe fluctuations in mood, which are often based on the opinions of others. The burden of criticism (whether real or anticipated) can be overwhelming and can cause covert narcissists much discomfort.
Getty. Narcissistic collapse happens when a person with narcissistic personality disorder experiences a failure, humiliation, or other blow to their secretly fragile self-esteem. Depending on the type of narcissist, collapse may look different and happen more frequently.
Emotionally Fragile & Hypersensitive
If someone criticizes their work, family, or personality, the covert narcissist will respond with an extreme emotional reaction. They could be overly sad and despondent from even a minor comment.
Some of the most common weird things covert narcissists do to manipulate their victims include: hoovering, gaslighting, guilt-tripping, love bombing etc. This post will help you understand the covert narcissist better.
As mentioned previously, a covert lacks emotional empathy but they have cognitive empathy and understand what empathy is, although they do not actually feel the emotions of others.