This usually begins with idealization or the “honeymoon phase,” where the BPD partner has you on a pedestal and believes you will never do anything wrong. This period can last a few days or go on for months. However, it will typically and inevitably be followed by devaluation, or loss of respect and admiration.
So, what exactly does the BPD break up cycle look like? It can look like fear of abandonment, distrust of a partner, cheating, lack of communication and self-blame. It can look like idolizing a partner, confusing strong emotions for passion, anxiety and overreacting to interactions perceived as negative.
There is no set timeline for a BPD cycle. It may take the person with borderline personality a few hours or a few days to go through stages. This doesn't mean a BPD relationship will be short.
However, it is important to note that some couples may stay together for over 20 years, whereas other anecdotal evidence from personal experiences suggests that relationships lasting between 2-4 years are more common.
For many folks with BPD, a “meltdown” will manifest as rage. For some, it might look like swinging from one intense emotion to another. For others, it might mean an instant drop into suicidal ideation. Whatever your experience is, you're not alone.
Someone with BPD may go to great lengths to feel something, as well as becoming increasingly withdrawn and avoidant during an episode. Paranoid thoughts of everyone being out to get them and hating them are also common during these times. Episodes can also be extreme highs, bursts of euphoria and positive emotions.
Ending a Relationship
Because people with BPD have an intense fear of abandonment, a breakup can leave them feeling desperate and devastated. This is why it's a good idea to have a support network for you and partner, especially if a breakup may occur. This network often includes a mental health professional.
People with BPD tend to have relationships that are intense and short-lived. You may fall in love quickly, believing that each new person is the one who will make you feel whole, only to be quickly disappointed. Your relationships either seem perfect or horrible, without any middle ground.
People with BPD may be sensitive to rejection and abandonment and are prone to splitting, rage, and impulsivity. If a person with BPD feels rejected or abandoned, they may end the relationship. However, this is usually followed by significant anxiety and regret and efforts to get back together.
Abandonment sensitivity
People with BPD can be fearful of loneliness, however, this feeling can suddenly shift to being smothered and fearful of intimacy and can lead to withdrawal from a relationship. This leaves a relationship to fluctuate between high demand for love and attention and sudden withdrawal and isolate.
If you suspect you're someone with BPD's favorite person, they may exhibit the following signs toward you: Consistent need for reassurance. Intense declarations of their love or appreciation for you. Reaching out more frequently when you don't respond.
This usually begins with idealization or the “honeymoon phase,” where the BPD partner has you on a pedestal and believes you will never do anything wrong. This period can last a few days or go on for months.
Research has yet to show a direct connection between BPD and an increased likelihood of cheating. Rather, a hallmark feature of borderline personality—impulsive behavior—sometimes manifests as sexual preoccupation, early sexual exposure, casual sexual relationships, and promiscuity.
Push/Pull behaviors
A common theory about why you might use this behavior if you have BPD is because you desperately crave closeness in your relationships but, fearing abandonment, you choose to reject this person before they can reject you.
People with BPD feel firmly attached to their favorite person and may depend on them for comfort, reassurance, and guidance. In many cases, someone with BPD may rely entirely on their favorite person. As a result, they may idealize them and expect them to always be available.
Those who have BPD tend to be very intense, dramatic, and exciting. This means they tend to attract others who are depressed and/or suffering low self-esteem. People who take their power from being a victim, or seek excitement in others because their own life is not where they want it to be.
People living with BPD often have an intense fear of instability and abandonment. As a result, they have problems being alone. The condition is also known for anger, mood swings, and impulsiveness. These qualities can dissuade people from being around someone with BPD.
Love bombing is a term used to describe a pattern of behaviors frequently seen in people with borderline personality disorder (BPD) and narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). Borderline love bombing uses demonstrations of affection and emotion to catch and keep someone's interest.
Another hallmark of borderline personality disorder is having a favorite person—usually a family member, romantic partner, or someone in a supportive role, such as a teacher or coach. For someone with this type of BPD relationship, a “favorite person” is someone they rely on for comfort, happiness, and validation.
Borderline personality disorder relationships and cheating may occur due to the impulsivity associated with this mental health condition. Recent research has shown people with BPD are more sexually impulsive and likely to engage in risky sexual behavior than those without BPD.
BPD splitting can manifest in many ways, such as thinking that a partner is perfect and then suddenly seeing them as evil and trying to destroy them. BPD relationships shift between highs and lows. This type of behavior often leads to breakups and a feeling of constantly being on edge.
Individuals with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPDs) become overwhelmed and incapacitated by the intensity of their emotions, whether it is joy and elation or depression, anxiety, and rage. They are unable to manage these intense emotions.
Persistently unable to form a stable self-image or sense of self. Drastically impulsive in at least two possibly self-damaging areas (substance abuse, reckless driving, disordered eating, sex). Self-harming or suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats. Instability often brought on by reactivity of mood (ex.