The “hero” uses success, perfectionism, and/or achievement in order to cope with dysfunctional family dynamics. Heroes might earn perfect grades, excel in sports, have successful careers, or become the model parent.
Family Systems Theory identifies the hero (gender neutral) as the family member who represents the family ideal, sometimes called the “golden child”. The family hero is someone all can be proud of, who represents the face of the family in public. Another role often represented in families is that of the mascot.
Family Hero: The Hero is the person who wants everything to look perfect. They want the family to come across as having it all together. They avoid conflict. They are the good child, often with perfectionistic behaviors.
A family scapegoat is a kind of family projection that occurs when a person places responsibility for unresolved problems on a child, sibling, or another family member. To put it simply, the scapegoat is a family member that is easier to place blame on rather than take responsibility for our own actions and mistakes.
The peacekeeper seeks to reduce tension, alleviate discourse and move the family back into a more harmonious dynamic. The role of the peacekeeper can occur due to unresolved and unconscious anxiety, fear or worry about a potential family breakdown.
Peacemaker: This child is the one with the least needs and wants. They think that they should stop one more burden from their parents. These peacemakers grow up to be people pleasing and more prone to self-betrayal in relationships, in the later stage of their lives.
Being a peacekeeper means trying to maintain harmony by avoiding or smoothing over conflicts. On the other hand, being a #peacemaker means actively working towards resolving conflicts and finding a #solution that works for all parties involved.
Since the golden child has been trained to be an actor, they fail to embrace an authentic relationship with their sibling, scapegoat. There will always be sibling rivalry, which not only have they instigated but they appreciate it since it causes the separation.
Once the abuser realizes that they no longer have power and control over the scapegoat who left, they are going to search for a new scapegoat to regulate their suppressed negative emotions and fulfill their insecure need for power and control.
A golden child can become a narcissist. Because golden children are told that they must be good at everything and feel pressured to live up to unreasonable expectations, they are sometimes unable to develop their own sense of self. This can cause low self-esteem, which lays the foundation for becoming a narcissist.
Lost children spend an excessive amount of time hiding in plain sight. They expend all their energies trying not to get noticed by anyone, including teachers, other children, and their caregivers. This behavior is usually the result of neglect and abuse, where the child felt trapped and unable to escape.
Being kind, having self-esteem, and being selfless are the three most important traits of a hero. Now that you know the three traits, try to do them and become a hero to others. Kindness, self-esteen and putting others before yourself are the three main character traits of a hero.
They are always there for the children whenever they need them. When the children are sick, they make them smile, and that always makes them feel better. They are always there to support the family, regardless of how challenging the situations may be.
Heroes may provide a protecting function beyond that of role models or leaders. Overall, heroes are more likely to help, save, protect, make the world better, and do what no-one else will than leaders or role models.
A golden child's sense of self and their personal boundaries are erased, as their own sense of identity is replaced with the need to live up to their role. Their behaviors and beliefs reflect what their parent expects of them, and they may feel incapable of individuation even in adulthood.
Narcissists hate losing their supply, so they won't let you go easily. Prepare for them to promise "to change." They might suddenly start doing things for you that you'd been complaining about. They may say "you'll be lost without me," or "you'll never find someone like me."
People who scapegoat others have certain particular traits; theseinclude a sense of superiority and pride, a large ego which needs maintaining, feelings of entitlement and grandiosity, limited personal self-reflection,poor character, self-righteousness, and hypocrisy. Did I mention arrogance?
The narcissist charms everyone around them. They manipulate others to support their distorted version of reality. All the while, they enjoy the feeling of power they get from making the scapegoat suffer. The narcissist is driven by envy, jealousy and a lack of empathy.
You Are The Family Punching Bag
The family scapegoat may bear the brunt of the family's pent-up frustration. You might feel singled out and made into the butt of every joke. It may not take long for outsiders or other relatives to follow your family's behavior because they may not be aware of what is happening.
More specifically: Scapegoated adults often feel debilitated by self-doubt and 'imposter syndrome' in their relationships and in the work-place, and blame themselves for their difficulties.
What is an Enneagram Type 9 (The Peacekeeper)? People with an Enneagram Type 9 personality tend to be accepting, optimistic, and adaptive in their behavior. They like peace and tend to avoid conflict. They tend to enjoy time alone or with smaller groups of people.
Peacekeepers relish developing positive relationships between people, and seeking harmony, compromise, and cooperation. They tend to be empathetic, agreeable, agile, and diplomatic.