In the vernacular, the phrase “to gaslight” refers to the act of undermining another person's reality by denying facts, the environment around them, or their feelings. Targets of gaslighting are manipulated into turning against their cognition, their emotions, and who they fundamentally are as people.
You are guilty of downplaying others' emotions.
When a person is hurt by something you've said or done, your usual response is that they're overreacting and to stop making things up. This may make a person believe their emotions are not valid or excessive. If this sounds like you, you are definitely gaslighting.
11. "You're overthinking it." This gaslighting phrase is a way to belittle what you have to say. Basically, they want you to think that you are assuming too much and the facts aren't true.
It could be divided into four different types: outright lying, manipulation of reality, scapegoating and coercion. Often the experience is a combination of these four types and not just limited to one of them.
If we stick to the clinical definition, gaslighters have two signature moves: They lie with the intent of creating a false reality, and they cut off their victims socially.
“Exaggerated criticism is a common tactic used by a gaslighter, and is often centered around the emotional health and wellbeing of the person they are trying to harm,” Kelley notes. “The more the gaslighter can make their victim feel they are crazy or unstable, the more effective their gaslighting tactics become.”
Why gaslighting is so damaging. Gaslighting makes you doubt your own perception, your feelings, and your memory. It makes you doubt reality itself, and therefore your own sanity.
Gaslighting can be described as the ultimate form of betrayal, as it is a serious form of manipulation that causes victims to question their reality.
“A gaslighter will often make you beg for their forgiveness and apologize profusely for any 'wrong' you committed, even if it's something they did,” Stern says. Sometimes you may not even know what you're apologizing for, other than they're upset and it's your responsibility to calm them down.
Red Flag 1: You're doubting your own truth. Red Flag 2: You're questioning yourself excessively. Red Flag 3: You're feeling confused. Red Flag 4: You're frequently thinking you must be perceiving things incorrectly.
Histrionic personality disorder (HPD) interferes with emotional stability. People with histrionic personality disorder are prone to emotional overreaction in a wide variety of situations, and from the viewpoint of others they may seem constantly on edge.
How do you help someone who is overreacting? If someone close to you is overreacting, try to respond with empathy. Perhaps start with “I understand why you're so upset/mad/afraid…” and go from there. This helps them feel heard and shows that you're not being dismissive.
The psychology of overreacting explains that people overreact to protect themselves against threats. When we perceive a "threat" to our wellbeing, the body activates the stress response. Stress hormones such as cortisol and adrenaline are released to prepare you to either fight the potential threat or run away from it.
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which the abuser attempts to sow self-doubt and confusion in their victim's mind. Typically, gaslighters are seeking to gain power and control over the other person, by distorting reality and forcing them to question their own judgment and intuition.
Highly sensitive people and empaths are more susceptible to gaslighting because they do not trust themselves and their intuitions. They doubt their own perspective even when they sense that something is wrong.
In a relationship, gaslighting often happens in three stages: idealisation, devaluation, and discard.
Signs of Narcissist Gaslighting
They may try to make you feel like you're overreacting or being too sensitive by saying things like, “You're being paranoid,” or “You're imagining things.” They might also try to control what you do and who you see by trying to isolate you from your friends and family.
One of the ways that gaslighters/narcissists exert their power through playing the victim. In relationships, gaslighters play the victim in order to manipulate and guilt their partners into doing their will.
Gaslighting can be tough to respond to because of the power that the perpetrator holds over the victim. Often, the best response to gaslighting is to plainly state your needs and boundaries. Sometimes, the safest response to gaslighting can be to leave the situation entirely.
Ignoring a gaslighter could mean you pretend you did not hear what they said and do not engage or respond to them. This could result in an escalation of their attempts at gaslighting you or make them angry if they feel you have bruised their pride. Similarly, they might try to get your attention in other ways.
Despite all this, gaslighting often isn't so obvious. Many gaslighters may not realize they're gaslighting, and many people who are being gaslighted also fail to recognize it at first.