Gaslighting statements and accusations are usually based on blatant lies, or exaggeration of the truth. Passive-aggressiveness can be defined as anger or hostility in disguise, expressed in underhanded ways to exercise power, control, and deception, with the hopes of "getting away with it.”
Either they aren't aware of the hurt, anger, and resentment they are acting from, or they don't know how to communicate more clearly. Some passive-aggressive people are aware of what they are doing; in these cases, their behavior is a form of manipulation or gaslighting.
Examples of passive-aggressive behavior include the use of silence, avoidance, sarcasm, and weaponized kindness.
It is a form of manipulation. It's indirect and dishonest. Anyone can be passive-aggressive at times.
In fact, fake politeness is rated as the worst example of passive-aggressive behavior, according to 24% of respondents. Other behaviors ranking among the worst include fake or feigned innocence (17%) and weaponized kindness (14%).
This type of behavior often comes from feelings of insecurity or powerlessness, which lead to subtle but damaging reactions. It's important to remember that the person behaving passive aggressively is not automatically a bad person, they are just responding to their environment in the only way they know how.
Passive-aggressiveness is a behavior where people tend to avoid direct conflict and express their anger indirectly through sulking, procrastination, withdrawal, stubbornness, controlling, and sabotaging tasks (1).
The silent treatment can often be used when the person doesn't have the tools to respond differently. When faced with the triggering of strong feelings, they may not know what else to do — so they go quiet. It can also be a passive-aggressive response to avoid directly communicating how (hurt) they feel.
Someone who is passive-aggressive often lets others take control while someone who is aggressive is more confrontational or directly forceful. So, someone who is passive-aggressive exerts their control over situations in a less direct or recognizable way.
Signs of Passive-Aggressive Behavior in Narcissists
Passive-aggressive behavior can come in many forms, including: Indirect hostility (backhanded compliments) Silent treatment to purposely cause discomfort. Purposeful lack of communication. Sulking.
Gaslighting is the use of a patterned, repetitive set of manipulation tactics that makes someone question reality. It's often used by people with narcissistic personality disorder, abusive individuals, cult leaders, criminals, and dictators. It's important to point out that gaslighting is a “patterned” behavior.
Indirect Gaslighting. Through withheld conversation, someone plants doubt in your sense of reality.
Social exclusion: Be direct
You might only find out after the event through gossip or social media. Leaving someone out is sneaky but deliberate. The person doesn't want to confront you, but they want you to feel isolated. You can annoy passive-aggressors like this by direct confrontation.
They ask questions that make you feel defensive.
Instead of asking, "What does that involve?" or saying, "I've heard about keto diets, but don't know much about them," or even just, "How is that going for you?" a passive-aggressive person might say, "Why did you ever decide to do that?"
One alternative to passive-aggressive communication is assertive communication. By being forthcoming and direct, you leave less room for misinterpretation of your intent and meaning. Assertive is another way of saying decisive, certain, firm, and even positive.
Contributing factors of passive-aggressive behavior include a history of childhood neglect or trauma, low self-esteem, and stress. It's possible to cope with passive-aggressive behavior with talk therapy to bring awareness to the patterns of behavior.
Passive-aggressive personality disorder (PAPD) causes people to express negative feelings and emotions subtly or passively rather than directly. This often creates a contradiction between what they say and do.
Be clear and specific: When setting boundaries with a passive-aggressive person, it is important to be clear and specific about what behaviors you will and will not tolerate. For example, you may say “I will not tolerate passive-aggressive comments or behavior directed towards me.”
Typical passive aggressive behaviours can include:
They can go into full silent mode, refusing to communicate with you, or can reject you completely by going out but not telling you where they're going, withdrawing to another room for an evening, and even prolonging their sulk for days and weeks.
Someone who uses passive aggression may feel angry, resentful, or frustrated, but they act neutral, pleasant, or even cheerful. They then find indirect ways to show how they really feel. Passive aggression isn't a mental illness.
Gestures and facial expressions are used to undercut any 'pleasant' words spoken by the passive-aggressive person. Notice the small actions they use to express disdain– for example sneering or rolling their eyes when you talk. Also pay attention to a passive-aggressor's voice tone.