Fearful avoidant individuals have low self-esteem and high levels of anxiety. They believe that they are not lovable. Dismissive avoidant individuals have high self-esteem and low levels of anxiety. They have a good self-image.
A person with an avoidant attachment style learns early on that they can't rely on others to meet their needs. What happens after that? You either become highly self-reliant and seek to meet your own needs (dismissive-avoidant), or you develop a fear of close relationships (fearful-avoidant).
And having an anxious/avoidant attachment style is linked to avoidant personality disorder. People with this attachment style tend to report that their parents didn't often express love or affection. Your parents might have been around physically, but felt distant when you reached out to them for closeness or support.
Fearful-avoidant attachment is often considered the worst in terms of potential negative outcomes. For example, multiple studies have shown that there is an association between fearful-avoidant attachment and depression.
The most difficult type of insecure attachment is the disorganized attachment style. It is often seen in people who have been physically, verbally, or sexually abused in their childhood.
Individuals high in anxious attachment are more likely to engage in emotional manipulation and other harmful behaviors intended to prevent a partner from leaving the relationship, which in turn is linked to reduced relationship satisfaction, according to new research published in Evolutionary Behavioral Sciences.
What causes fearful avoidant attachment? A person with fearful attachment may have grown up in an environment where their source of comfort and safety was often compromised with fear and unpredictability. This may involve a neglectful or unpredictable caregiver, or experiences involving abuse.
A fearful avoidant may show that they love you through the following: Making an effort to connect with you. Expressing that they want to be intimate. They become more comfortable showing their vulnerable side.
Researchers have found a strong correlation between abusiveness and adult attachment in men with fearful-avoidant attachments. These men tend to suffer from chronic anger with strong emotional reactions leading to violence toward their partners when they experience a fear of abandonment13.
Avoidant Personality Comorbidities
According to the DSM-5, the conditions that are most often diagnosed along with AVPD include depression, bipolar disorder, and anxiety disorders, especially social anxiety disorder.
People diagnosed with AVPD often struggle with feelings of inadequacy and a fear of rejection, which lead to an avoidance of social interactions. This can greatly affect their connections with loved ones, as they may not share their true emotions and thoughts.
According to the DSM-5, avoidant personality disorder must be differentiated from similar personality disorders such as dependent, paranoid, schizoid, and schizotypal. But these can also occur together; this is particularly likely for AvPD and dependent personality disorder.
The insecure anxious partner and insecure avoidant partner will be attracted to the securely attached partner because the insecure partners really desire and instinctively seek a reliable, consistent, caring and dependable partner.
Because of this emotional distancing, they tend to be less empathic toward people in need (Joireman, Needham, & Cummings, 2001; Wayment, 2006). Further, avoidant people tend to respond negatively to their partner's emotions because those emotions can signal that they need more attention and intimacy.
Studies have found that avoidant attachers are less likely to date or seek relationships. In other words, they are more prone to having smaller social circles and, thus, may stay single for longer periods of time. Avoidant attachers are thus more susceptible to social loneliness and isolation.
A fearful avoidant during no contact acts slightly differently from other attachment styles. Going no contact with them can become extremely distracting and often requires a lot of discipline. The fearful-avoidant does not express remorse or sadness over heartbreak in the initial weeks of the breakup.
What really happens is they doubt their feelings and go back and forth from believing them. Depending on what side of the breakup you're on, you have probably seen this hot and cold behavior. Fearful avoidants desire a deep connection, but once it is lost, the barrier to regaining trust can be a mountain to climb.
A fearful-avoidant will assume the pieces of the puzzle they arent provided and create their own story. Lying, stealing, cheating, and obvious large-scale issues are big triggers.
"Over time, they can re-pattern their attachment and heal those wounds if they can find a partner who is willing to put in the work and help them," says Jordan. Ultimately, the key to building a long-lasting, healthy relationship with a fearful avoidant person is honesty, patience, and trust.
If you want to stay in the relationship, you should be aware that you may also have to endure some “testing behaviors.” The person with the fearful style may engage in some negative or challenging behaviors to see if you are going to reject or hurt them.
AVOIDANT ATTACHMENT RELATIONSHIP PATTERNS
People with an avoidant attachment style can come across as selfish, appearing to put their own needs in front of their partner's needs.