Masked grief is when someone hides or suppresses their true feelings of loss, often appearing "fine" or "normal" on the outside while experiencing intense emotional pain, anxiety, or physical symptoms internally, because they haven't processed the grief or feel they shouldn't show it. Instead of sadness, it can manifest as anger, increased workaholism, substance use, irritability, perfectionism, or unexplained physical ailments like headaches or stomach issues. It's a way to cope in the short term, but detrimental long-term, preventing healing.
Masked grief is when someone experiences the effects of grief without recognising them as grief. Instead, the emotions get disguised, often surfacing in behaviours or health issues. For example: A person who loses a partner might throw themselves into work, appearing “productive” while avoiding their feelings.
There are five different categories of grief: anticipatory grief, acute grief, normal grief, disenfranchised grief, and complicated grief.
If you're wondering, “How long does grief exhaustion last?” you're not alone. Many people feel drained, foggy, and worn out for weeks or even months after a loss. This kind of exhaustion isn't a sign of weakness or something to rush through—it's part of the healing process.
Compounded grief can be described as a series of losses that occur over a relatively brief period of time. Compounded grief, also known as cumulative grief, occurs when multiple losses pile up over one another.
In general, death of a child is the most difficult kind of loss, and bereaved family members are at elevated risk for depression and anxiety for close to a decade after the loss. In addition these parents are at risk for a range of physical illnesses.
Ambiguous loss is a person's profound sense of loss and sadness that is not associated with a death of a loved one. It can be a loss of emotional connection when a person's physical presence remains, or when that emotional connection remains but a physical connection is lost.
Signs and symptoms of complicated grief may include:
Grief isn't just something we feel in our minds; it lives in our bodies too. When you go through a loss, your body holds onto that experience, sometimes in ways you may not even notice at first. Trauma can get stored deep in your muscles, in your breath, and even in the way your heart beats.
For many, the worst period can come 4-7 months after the event, a time when most people often expect you to be “over” your loss. Understanding the grieving process enables people to gain control over their grief, rather than being controlled, or even destroyed, by it.
When grieving, don't suppress emotions, isolate yourself, rush the process, or use substances to numb pain; instead, allow yourself to feel, stay connected with supportive people, and seek professional help if needed, as grief has no timeline and everyone experiences it uniquely. Avoid platitudes like "everything happens for a reason" or "they're in a better place," and don't make major decisions too soon. Focus on self-care, even if it's basic, and accept that grief is messy, not linear.
Disenfranchised grief or hidden grief was first coined by Dr. Kenneth Doka. He noticed that people were experiencing grief, but the causes of the grief were not acknowledged to cause grief by our society. We tend to link grief with death or a major loss. This causes a majority of grief to be misunderstood.
Psychotherapy. Complicated grief is often treated with a type of psychotherapy called complicated grief therapy. It's similar to psychotherapy techniques used for depression and PTSD, but it's specifically for complicated grief. This treatment can be effective when done individually or in a group format.
The term shadow losses, coined by thanatologist Cole Imperi, describes the grief we feel for things that aren't tied to death but still leave a deep impact—like the end of a relationship, estrangement, lost opportunities, or even shifts in identity.
Masking is a complex behavioral phenomenon that involves concealing or suppressing one's true self in order to conform to societal expectations. This practice is particularly prevalent among individuals with neurodevelopmental differences.
Prolonged grief disorder involves intense, painful emotions associated with a lack of adaptation to the loss of a loved one that persists for more than 1 year in adults and more than 6 months in adolescents or children. This condition is estimated to affect as many as 7% of bereaved individuals.[2][3]
Lungs and Sadness/Grief
The lungs are linked to the emotions of sadness and grief in TCM. An imbalance might manifest as: Shortness of breath. Frequent colds and flu.
The "3 Cs of Grief" offer a simple framework for navigating loss: Choose, Connect, and Communicate, focusing on taking small, active steps to manage emotions and find support rather than following rigid stages. This approach empowers you to Choose what helps (like activities or rest), Connect with supportive people, and Communicate your needs and feelings to trusted individuals to foster healing.
The physical impact of grief
Unresolved grief can lead to various symptoms, including anger, guilt, and delayed depression. Some other common symptoms are hypervigilance, being clingy or detached. The best way to deal with unresolved grief is to get closure; you can write a letter.
In summary, some evidence suggests that antidepressants, in particular tricyclics, may be effective for reducing depressive symptoms in bereavement-related depression, even if their effect might not be as dramatic or specific for grief intensity.
Grief exhaustion is a deep and overwhelming fatigue that often accompanies the grieving process. When someone experiences loss, their emotional and physical energy can be drained by intense feelings of sadness, anger, and confusion. This exhaustion can make even simple tasks feel impossible.
Distorted grief
You can think of distorted grief as the type of grief someone is feeling in the case they get stuck in the anger stage of the stages of grief. Those who have distorted grief are angry, at the world, at others, at themselves. There is likely hostility, fighting, and even self-harm happening.
Brain research supports the existence of at least seven primary-process (basic) emotional systems - SEEKING, RAGE, FEAR, LUST, CARE, GRIEF (formerly PANIC), and PLAY - concentrated in ancient subcortical regions of all mammalian brains.
According to Bowlby, those with an avoidant attachment style typically show fewer signs of grief when experiencing the loss of a relationship than anxiously attached individuals. This avoidance of complex thoughts and emotions is consistent with the coping methods typically seen in people high on attachment avoidance.