August 2020) Self-blame is a cognitive process in which an individual attributes the occurrence of a stressful event to oneself.
This form of self-blame is closely associated with depression. The feeling that "everything is my fault" is also very much part of anxiety. Understanding the relationship between anxiety and self-blame can help you recognize it and begin to separate yourself from the erroneous belief that it's all your fault.
Self-blaming depression reflects a unique subtype of depressive illness characterized by self-accusation, guilt, and an exaggerated sense of self-responsibility.
Self-compassion is an antidote to self-blame and criticism. Self-compassion being kind to yourself — can help you break the cycle of self-blame. Self-compassion can include affirming your feelings, prioritizing self-care, accepting your mistakes, or giving yourself the benefit of the doubt.
In fact, the tendency to blame oneself excessively (and inappropriately) is a key factor in depression. Over a century ago, Sigmund Freud suggested that depression was fundamentally different from “normal sadness” in that very factor.
Characterological self-blame (CSB), on the other hand, is attribution of blame to factors of the self that are uncontrollable and stable over time (e.g. “I am the type of person that gets taken advantage of”). CSB attributions are harder to change than behavioral attributions of blame.
Blaming one's self is a common response to having a traumatic experience.
Often a habit of self-blaming comes from a childhood trauma. If we are abused, neglected, abandoned, or lose someone we loved, our childlike brain can find no understanding of what has happened other than to think, 'it is something I did somehow, it's all my fault'.
These delusions involve the belief that unrelated, coincidental, or innocuous events, actions, or objects refer to the individual in a personal way. Patients who are delusional regularly recount to me their beliefs that “everything is happening for a reason” and it's all about them.
"I blame myself rather than feel angry at others:"
People with generalized anxiety often have a hard time standing up for themselves, saying “no” to others, or feeling justified for having their feelings.
Self-Blame as a Means to Control
Self-blame is a futile control mechanism. We can't fault ourselves. Every day, we are repeatedly exposed to conditions outside of our control. Behavioral self-blame is a maladaptive attempt to fulfill a genuine, primitive need for survival and psychological safety.
Characterological and behavioral self-blame are distinct types of self-blame. Each has different implications for personal adjustment. Characterological self-blame involves a person's demeaning his/her personality traits such that vulnerability and a sense of powerlessness over life events are nurtured.
The statement that everything happens for a reason does not explain away randomness, and in fact it dismisses important truths about the senselessness of some events. Sometimes the reasons for things lie in unthinking, unemotional nature and have nothing to do with human truth.
However, this phrase shouldn't be used when trying to comfort a friend. English stresses that there is no excuse for someone's death, abuse or illness, and that telling people that they are suffering for a reason minimizes their emotions and concerns.
Delusional disorder, previously called paranoid disorder, is a type of serious mental illness called a psychotic disorder. People who have it can't tell what's real from what is imagined. Delusions are the main symptom of delusional disorder. They're unshakable beliefs in something that isn't true or based on reality.
Projection refers to attributing one's shortcomings, mistakes, and misfortunes to others in order to protect one's ego. Blaming others (i.e. projection) is more common in those who are experiencing negative feelings and are unable to regulate their emotions.
People with paranoid personality disorder (PPD) are always on guard, believing that others are constantly trying to demean, harm or threaten them. These generally unfounded beliefs, as well as their habits of blame and distrust, interfere with their ability to form close or even workable relationships.
Ask someone to call you out when you start to deflect. Look for opportunities to take more ownership when things aren't going perfectly. Pay attention to what triggers your “blame something else” mechanism so you can gain more insight around when you start to deflect. Apologize when you slip up and blame someone else.
As mentioned above, the four types of trauma responses are: fight, flight, freeze or fawn. You may have one or more of them at different times and under different circumstances: The flight response can be defined as getting away from the situation as quickly as possible.
It can take various forms, including blaming, shaming, embarrassing, criticizing, or isolating the victim. Emotional abuse often involves disregarding another person's emotional needs and can occur in various relationships, including romantic relationships, friendships, families, and the workplace.
Narcissism can develop as a coping mechanism in response to trauma. People who experience trauma often feel overwhelmed by the emotions and feelings that come with the experience and may develop a sense of detachment from their emotions as a way to cope.
Blaming is usually considered part of a defense mechanism called projection, which involves denying one's own anxiety-provoking or negative characteristics and assigning responsibility for wrong or fault to others.
Deflection is the act of blaming another person for your own mistakes or shortcomings rather than accepting the blame or criticism yourself. This type of defensiveness as a coping skill is commonly used to angle or direct the focus or blame away from ourselves.
Symptoms of a personality disorder
A person with antisocial personality disorder will typically get easily frustrated and have difficulty controlling their anger. They may blame other people for problems in their life, and be aggressive and violent, upsetting others with their behaviour.