Normally babies develop a close attachment bond with their main caregiver (usually their parents) within the first months of life. If they are in a situation where they do not receive normal love and care, they cannot develop this close bond. This may result in a condition called attachment disorder.
Child emotional neglect (CEN) is the parent's failure to meet their child's emotional needs during the early years. It involves unresponsive, unavailable, and limited emotional interactions between that person and the child. Children's emotional needs for affection, support, attention, or competence are ignored.
Studies have found that about 20% of new moms and dads feel no real emotional attachment to their newborn in the hours after delivery. Sometimes, it takes weeks or even months to feel that attachment. If you haven't begun bonding with your baby, don't feel anxious or guilty -- it should come with time.
Many new parents need more time to bond. Bonding is when you develop feelings of unconditional love for your newborn. Often, bonding happens gradually over the baby's first year of life. So if you don't feel these strong feelings of closeness in the first days or weeks after birth, that's normal.
As these resources indicate, the short- and long-term effects on the child's mental and physical well-being are often devastating. These effects include severe anxiety, depression, PTSD, and toxic stress (reviewed separately in Part V below). Separation can also result in delays in cognitive development.
Emotionally absent or cold mothers can be unresponsive to their children's needs. They may act distracted and uninterested during interactions, or they could actively reject any attempts of the child to get close. They may continue acting this way with adult children.
Research shows that about 80 percent of children of divorce adapt well and see no lasting negative effects on their grades, social adjustment, or mental health.
They're dismissive or overwhelmed when the child has an emotional need. They're not interested in the child's life (interests, friend groups, school work). They have difficulty expressing their feelings, even with adults. They're unable or unwilling to provide comfort during emotional distress.
On the other hand, children who do not have affectionate parents tend to have lower self esteem and to feel more alienated, hostile, aggressive, and anti-social. There have been a number of recent studies that highlight the relationship between parental affection and children's happiness and success.
Bonding is essential for normal infant development
When a caregiver consistently responds to an infant's needs, it sets the stage for the growing child to enter healthy relationships with other people throughout life and to appropriately experience and express a full range of emotions.
Feeling disconnected from your child is a usual part of parenting. Although it leaves you questioning your abilities, with some time and effort, you can work on restoring your connection. Excess screen time, neglecting your own needs, and replacing quality time with material things can contribute to the disconnect.
While it's perfectly normal to find your child annoying occasionally, or dislike aspects of him or her, not liking them long term can usually be traced back to a reason, or sometimes several. There might have been a rupture in the bonding process.
“Detachment parenting” is quite the opposite—putting the child down to sleep in his or her own crib while awake, letting them fall asleep on their own.
People of any age who have avoidant attachment styles may show symptoms of depression and anxiety. Children of avoidant parents or caretakers may not outwardly express need for affection or care. They are likely to: Avoid physical touch. Avoid eye contact.
Lack of trust
With an emotionally unreliable mother or one who is combative or hypercritical, the daughter learns that relationships are unstable and dangerous, and that trust is ephemeral and can't be relied on. Unloved daughters have trouble trusting in all relationships but especially friendship.
In childhood and adolescence, intrusive parenting may involve excessive guidance on how the child should think or feel. In adulthood, intrusive parenting or autonomy restriction may manifest by providing excessive instruction or limitations concerning their child's lifestyle or career-related choices among others.
Lack of trust
“Children who are not raised in safe, loving, respectful, and consistent environments tend to grow up feeling very unsafe and untrusting,” explains Manly. As a result, they tend to experience challenges trusting themselves and others throughout life.
Unfortunately, it is something children today experience too. If your children are not touched, they can get into a deficit state that can lead to negative mental health as well as show up as psychosomatic symptoms. These symptoms could include a headache, abdominal pain, anxiety, and sadness, to name a few.
How do I know if I was emotionally neglected as a child? There are several signs such as feelings of detachment, lack of peer group, dissociative inclinations, and difficulty in being emotionally present.
Reasons for the detachment may be due to intergenerational and personal trauma, an absence of emotional intelligence, mental health issues, substance use and abuse issues, fragmented problem solving and conflict resolution skills, and a variety of other challenges.
Elementary school age (6–12) This is arguably the toughest age for children to deal with the separation or divorce of their parents.
Separation and divorce can be extremely traumatic for children – they can see the dramatic changes in their world as a loss of care and stability. For children up to five years old, family breakdown can be difficult to understand and the child is especially vulnerable at this age.
This makes life uncertain for the child or young person and can lead to their feelings of hopelessness, powerlessness, and helplessness in addition to their numbness with regards to the situation. This trauma of parental separation and divorce can 'overwhelm their capacity to cope'.