If you've been cheated on, it's likely that you also experienced some degree of what psychologists refer to as gaslighting. Gaslighting, in case you're wondering, is a form of psychological abuse that involves the presentation of false information followed by dogged insistence that the information is true.
Or been accused of cheating by a partner who has form for cheating themselves? Then it's likely you've experienced gaslighting. We've listed some examples of gaslighting below: Persistent and often blatant lying.
A guilty person may avoid answering direct questions, refuse to provide information that could be used against them, or simply disappear altogether. Another telltale sign is that a guilty person may tend to lie or provide false explanations for their behavior.
Gaslighting is a process where one person in a relationship controls and manipulates the other by distorting their sense of reality and their memories. They will convince the victim that they are "imagining things", "remembering events incorrectly" or even "crazy". More often this takes place in romantic relationships.
Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse where one partner persistently denies the reality of the other partner (via consistent lying, bullying, and obfuscating the facts), causing that person, over time, to doubt her (or his) perception of truth, facts, and reality.
Low sexual and relationship satisfaction, high sexual desire, and lack of love are the most robust predictors of infidelity.
If we stick to the clinical definition, gaslighters have two signature moves: They lie with the intent of creating a false reality, and they cut off their victims socially.
This term originated from a movie made in 1944 called Gaslight where the heroine's husband attempts to drive her insane by manipulating her reality. There are four primary types of gaslighting behaviors: the straight-up lie, reality manipulation, scapegoating and coercion.
It could be divided into four different types: outright lying, manipulation of reality, scapegoating and coercion. Often the experience is a combination of these four types and not just limited to one of them.
Cheaters may lie or deny what happened.
They might also say things to make you doubt yourself, like “You're just being paranoid,” or “That's crazy, why would you think that?” This form of deception is called “gaslighting.” Spotting the difference between a lie and an honest denial can be tricky.
Engaging in false accusations against a partner may be tied to feelings of insecurity in a relationship. It may be that your partner believes you did something, or they may know you didn't, but they still accuse you of it.
It is common for individuals who have been falsely accused to experience a wide range of emotions such as shock, anger, fear, panic, and humiliation. If the circumstances are particularly traumatic, these emotions can lead to depression, anxiety, PTSD, or personality disorder.
Projection is a hallmark sign of the narcissist. If they are cheating (which is more common among narcissists than others), they will accuse you of cheating. These accusations ramp up when you go out of town or engage in an activity without them.
Signs of Narcissist Gaslighting
They may try to make you feel like you're overreacting or being too sensitive by saying things like, “You're being paranoid,” or “You're imagining things.” They might also try to control what you do and who you see by trying to isolate you from your friends and family.
Being a perpetrator of gaslighting is treated seriously by authorities and may soon be considered a crime in parts of Australia. Gaslighting is an aspect of coercive control, which is set to be outlawed in NSW and QLD, with other states likely to follow suit.
Shifting blame is a common gaslighting tactic. Accusing the victim of being the gaslighter causes confusion, makes them question the situation, and draws attention away from the true gaslighter's harmful behavior, Sarkis says.
I would recommend seeking professional help instead; couples counseling could help to work on your marriage. This will help both you and your partner understand the status of your relationship. This may give him a safe space to confess too if infidelity is happening.
Cheaters often react to an accusation of cheating with denial, showing no guilt signs. This can be a simple 'no' or more of a statement of unwillingness to accept the accusation. Whatever the form, denial is likely to be one of the first responses to allegations of cheating.
The most important thing to remember is what cheating says about a person. They're insecure, impulsive, selfish, and immature. Sometimes, it's a chronic problem that likely won't ever be fixed, just be sure not to ignore the warning signs.