Individuals struggling with addiction often resort to gaslighting to continue using drugs or alcohol without resistance from their loved ones. An addict may hide their alcohol in random containers. Someone using other substances may hide their pills or take them when they're alone.
If someone says, "You know I only do it because I love you," or, "Believe me, this is for the best," when doing something you perceive as abusive, controlling, or wrong, they are probably gaslighting you.
There are four primary types of gaslighting behaviors: the straight-up lie, reality manipulation, scapegoating and coercion. Last week we looked at the straight-up lie and reality manipulation. This week we are going to focus on scapegoating and coercion.
"Gaslighting" is used to describe abusive behavior, specifically when an abuser manipulates information in such a way as to make a victim question his or her sanity. Gaslighting intentionally makes someone doubt their memories or perception of reality.
Certain mental health conditions such as narcissistic personality disorder and antisocial personality disorder lend themselves to gaslighting as those illnesses give people a distorted view of themselves and others and a propensity toward manipulating others for their own ends by any means necessary, as well as never ...
A gaslighter believes their own lies and is insistent upon them which makes the person question themselves.
Gaslighting in Abuse Relationships
In many cases, the gaslighter will get defensive about their actions and claim they do it out of love. I only do it because I love you. By saying this, they're making their victim feel as if their love for the gaslighter is less than what they're receiving in return.
10 Signs & Red Flags You're Being Gaslighted. If you recognize these signs in your relationships, you may be the victim of gaslighting; they include denial, minimization, blame-shifting, isolation, withholding, causing confusion or doubt, criticism, projection, narcissism, and love bombing.
Ignoring a gaslighter could mean you pretend you did not hear what they said and do not engage or respond to them. This could result in an escalation of their attempts at gaslighting you or make them angry if they feel you have bruised their pride. Similarly, they might try to get your attention in other ways.
“Gaslighters have two signature moves,” she wrote. “They lie with the intent of creating a false reality, and they cut off their victims socially.” They spread gossip, they take credit for other people's work, and they undercut others in furtherance of their own position.
Along with questioning their own reality and beliefs, gaslighting victims often feel isolated and powerless. Gaslighting abuse symptoms also include low self-esteem, disorientation, self-doubt, and difficulty functioning in school, at work, or in social situations.
Perhaps the most damaging form of gaslighting, reality manipulation is what most people imagine when they think of gaslighting. In the film “Gas Light,” the husband uses reality manipulation to try to convince his wife that she is losing her mind.
Gaslighters engage in the manipulation technique of distorting known facts, memories, events and evidence to invalidate a person's experience. The idea is to make those who disagree with the gaslighter question their ability, memory or sanity.
"You're too sensitive."
This is a phrase used by gaslighters to minimize and invalidate the victim's feelings. If the victim tries to express hurt or disappointment, the gaslighter may tell them that they are making a big deal out of nothing.
One of the ways that gaslighters/narcissists exert their power through playing the victim. In relationships, gaslighters play the victim in order to manipulate and guilt their partners into doing their will. On a global stage, when gaslighter “plays the role” of a victim, it takes on a different tone.
Many gaslighters may not realize they're gaslighting, and many people who are being gaslighted also fail to recognize it at first.
When you confront gaslighters about their behavior, they often change the subject or counter-attack by telling you that it's all your fault or you are the one with the problem.
They reframe your motives to be the opposite of your intentions. They make you feel like you imagine things. They pretend to be an ally and then become cold. They isolate you from colleagues and friends.
Gaslighting can be part of a narcissistic personality, but it is not a core trait of narcissistic personality disorder. A narcissist may be self-promoting and feel superior to others; a gaslighter aims to make another person question their own self-value.
Narcissistic gaslighting examples of this tactic include suggesting you're “confused,” “mixed up” or “misremembering.” Alternatively, they may take the opposite approach, saying something like, “I have no memory of that” or, “I don't know what you're talking about.”
Being a perpetrator of gaslighting is treated seriously by authorities and may soon be considered a crime in parts of Australia. Gaslighting is an aspect of coercive control, which is set to be outlawed in NSW and QLD, with other states likely to follow suit.
Gaslighting may be caused by a number of different things. A person often gaslights as a way to gain power and control over others and situations. On the other hand, a person may gaslight because they grew up with parents who were gaslighters, and they learned these behaviors as they grew up.