PTSD of abandonment stems from losses and disconnections in early childhood, such as: A parent who is emotionally unavailable. Childhood neglect due to substance abuse, such as alcoholism or drug abuse. Mental illness, such as depression, in a parent or caregiver.
Losing a parent or guardian during childhood can create a lasting fear of abandonment. Research shows that abandonment trauma can occur after the death of a caregiver. Similarly, when a parent has a serious illness, it can lead to these fears as well, even if they ultimately survive.
Some children experience what is called “abandoned child syndrome.” This may take place after the loss of a parent or caregiver. It can also develop due to physical or emotional abandonment by a parent. Symptoms may show as isolation, low self-worth, and unhealthy coping mechanisms like eating issues or addiction.
A fear of abandonment presents itself in people who seem like “people pleasers” or need continuous reassurance that they are loved. There is also a consistent anxiety that occurs with abandonment issues. Common signs of abandonment issues include: Giving too much or being overly eager to please.
A strong fear of abandonment can make it hard to trust others. Someone with abandonment issues may find they're often jealous or question everything that their partner tells them. Trust issues can shape how a person sees their partner's behaviors and can lead to volatile relationships.
Shattering, Withdrawal, Internalizing, Rage, and Lifting. Each of these stages relate to different aspects of human functioning and trigger different emotional responses. The first letter of each of these words spell SWIRL, a great description of the cyclonic nature of the intensity of healing abandonment.
S.W.I.R.L. is an acronym which stands for the five stages of abandonment: Shattering, Withdrawal, Internalizing, Rage, and Lifting – introduced in JOURNEY FROM ABANDONMENT.
If your feelings are hurt, you feel betrayed, abandoned, or rejected, and your partner doesnt care or minimizes them, thats a red flag.
The Long-Term Effects of Abandonment and Neglect
Mood swings and anger issues later in life can often be traced to abandonment in infancy due to the lack of emotional and other support from parents. Some of the mental health conditions thought to be heavily influenced by abandonment include: Anxiety. Depression.
Different forms of maternal abandonment are all harmful and can be catastrophic. Maternal abandonment creates a multitude of emotions, contradictory to each other; pain, sadness, and at the same time longing, often anger, rage, frustration, along with guilt, and shame.
Experiencing abuse, neglect, or a traumatic loss of a loved one is the most common cause of abandonment issues, especially when these occur in early childhood.
Signs of PTSD of Abandonment
Low self-esteem and feelings of self-worth. Anxiety and insecurity. Depression. Feelings of helplessness, inadequacy, being “not enough.”
The following are examples of abandonment in childhood: Growing up with neglectful parents. Growing up with absent parents. A beloved person passing away.
A person with attachment issues—which are often tied to abandonment issues—may truly feel emotionally dependent on the attention of others, even if they don't know that person very well. Clinginess can happen even if there are signs that this person's engagement is fleeting.
Fears of abandonment are often rooted in past hurt, and your partner's experiences may have given them trust issues. Your partner may even feel the need to pull away from you to try and protect themselves.
Signs of abandonment issues in adults
They reject people before being rejected themselves. They have a pattern of volatile relationships or going from one relationship to another. They have a core belief that they are unlovable. They may engage in self-harm or have other mental health challenges.
Signs of emotional abandonment.
When you want to talk about something, your partner places the blame on you and pulls away from you rather than communicating their genuine feelings. You regularly experience your partner withholding affection, approval, or attention from you.
In person or online therapy can help you work through your abandonment trauma and change unhealthy behaviors. With the help of a therapist, you'll be able to develop coping mechanisms and tools to help you manage your anxiety so you can focus on healing abandonment issues.
Child emotional neglect (CEN) is the parent's failure to meet their child's emotional needs during the early years. It involves unresponsive, unavailable, and limited emotional interactions between that person and the child. Children's emotional needs for affection, support, attention, or competence are ignored.
Negative experiences in childhood, such as abuse, neglect, or criticism from parents or caregivers, can lead to feelings of unworthiness. Trauma or abuse, such as physical or emotional abuse, can also cause feelings of unworthiness.
Symptoms of Fear of Abandonment
In relationships, people with a fear of abandonment tend to: Attach quickly—even to unavailable partners or relationships. Fail to fully commit and have had very few long-term relationships. Move on quickly just to ensure that you don't get too attached.