Positive communication, parental warmth, and low levels of conflict may help children adjust to divorce better. A healthy parent-child relationship has been shown to help kids develop higher self-esteem and better academic performance following divorce.
Psychologists say the potential of an emotional trauma like divorce affects kids of every age, but it is more impactful when the child is between 3 to 15 years old. “Once a child goes through puberty there's more potential to accept and understand a parent's divorce,” says child psychologist Dr.
Although there is no standard definition of "best interests of the child," the term generally refers to the deliberation that courts undertake when deciding what type of services, actions, and orders will best serve a child as well as who is best suited to take care of a child.
Many children feel unsettled when their parents are going through separation or divorce. You can help children by talking honestly, reassuring them, and sticking with routines. Try to involve children in small decisions, get them to talk about feelings, and make time for family fun.
In many instances, divorce can have a positive impact on children. It frees them from the chronic stress that comes from living with parents in a volatile, disrespectful, or loveless relationship.
Studies show that most children of divorce display the characteristic traits of aggression and disobedience with varying degree of intensity.
Feelings of loss, anger, confusion, anxiety, and many others, all may come from this transition. Divorce can leave children feeling overwhelmed and emotionally sensitive. Children need an outlet for their emotions – someone to talk to, someone who will listen, etc.
The good news is that although divorce is hard and often extremely painful for children, long-term harm is not inevitable. Most children bounce back and get through this difficult situation with few if any battle scars.
Value of Staying Together
In years past, parenting experts advised married couples to stay together regardless of the quality of their relationship. While that advice has changed somewhat based on newer research, parental divorce does involve significant risks for children.
Many people consider the separation phase to be the most difficult. This is the time between when you decide to get divorced and the date you actually get divorced. This period often presents the most uncertainties about child support, visitation, alimony, division of assets, and more.
Research has found that when parents are in an unhappy marriage, the conflict compromises the social and emotional well-being of children by threatening their sense of security in the family. This in turn predicts the onset of problems during adolescence, including depression and anxiety.
Studies have shown that children who experience divorce often have an increase in antisocial behavior, anxiety, and depression, along with increased delinquent and aggressive behavior. Self-blame and abandonment fears are also known contributing factors.
Research has documented that parental divorce/separation is associated with an increased risk for child and adolescent adjustment problems, including academic difficulties (e.g., lower grades and school dropout), disruptive behaviors (e.g., conduct and substance use problems), and depressed mood2.
Children of divorce are more likely to experience poverty, educational failure, early and risky sexual activity, non-marital childbirth, earlier marriage, cohabitation, marital discord and divorce. In fact, emotional problems associated with divorce actually increase during young adulthood.
And while media often shows men finding relief after “escaping the bear trap” of a bad marriage, and casts women in a desperate, “washed-up” light, research continues to show that women often report being happier after divorce.
Statistics show that while women initiate divorce almost twice the rate that men do, women are also much more likely to greatly struggle financially after divorce. This is particularly true if children are involved.
A study by Kingston University in the UK found that despite the negative financial impact of divorce on women, they are generally happier than men after divorce.
Divorce is disruptive enough for children of divorce without their parents involved in heated disputes. As a result, I take the approach and utilize what I call the three C's of Divorce with my clients and opposing counsel. Communication, Cooperation and Clarification.
Individuals may go through several stages of mourning or grief. The emotional intensity of this period usually reaches a peak within the first six months of separation. However, the grieving process may take as long as two years.
Hughes: Research shows that within five to ten years following a divorce, most families have been able to heal from the pain of the divorce. Many times, the adult child will take the first step — especially if they have their own children. They don't want their children to lose relationships with grandparents.